American Idol - Season 9 - Page 2

I still don't get why they think they need four judges.  It was something of a disaster last season, and I don't see it improving much.

I'm surprised Ellen actually wanted to do it.

This just seems like a really odd move.  It reminds me of a few years back when Dennis Miller was put in the Monday Night Football booth.  Like Ellen, I really enjoy Dennis Miller and think he's hilarious, but it was just an strange move for MNF and it's a strange move for AI.

Am I being too picky or was this one of the least talented group of auditioners?  The three singers they built up going into commercial breaks (Alzheimer's Grandma, Secular Singer, and Nigerian Guy) weren't all that great, and Mormon Cancer guys cancer story wasn't even interesting.  Was he given 5 months to live?  No.  Did he get a transplant from his twin brother?  No.  Did he lose a body part?  Didn't say.  This is American Idol -- we expect more than just cancer.  We expect a cancer story.

The girl with the Downs Syndrome brothers -- now that's a story.  Exploitative and corny, but a story nonetheless.  She looks like John Francis Daly when he was on Freaks & Geeks



But she needs a makeover stat.  Those short were too snug.  They looked like denim cycling shorts.



Funniest bit of the evening:

"You sing like a three-year-old girl, you dress like LaToya Jackson, and you have a beard."

If you take away the hair, he looks like Kevin Corrigan



Man, Posh Spice looks like she stepped off the set of I, Robot

I always enjoy the first few weeks of this show.  I really start to lose interest when theme weeks roll around and it dwindles down to six bad singers.

The "shakes" are going away...Hanson is back with SAB!!!!!  Yeah, no one knocked me over last night, but I seem to think that last season they kept some of the better singers "under wraps" until Hollywood Week.

Most awkward moment:  when the Bucky Covington look-a-like (he sang "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word") compared his voice to Chris Brown who "likes to touch the lives of young folks."

I don't know about least talented, but it was pretty light on entertaining trainwrecks.

If tonight wasn't the Atlanta auditions, I'd probably tune out until we get to Hollywood, these audition episodes are getting monotonous.

Hanson is BAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!

Seriously, I only remembered Down Syndrome Sister and that hotty Ashley Rodriguez.  No one else from tonight's group is going anywhere.

Anyone notice that one of the three women featured together in the first hour looked like Anne Marie Boscovich after a Krispy Kreme bender?  It's obviously not her since she's ineligible, but the resemblance was uncanny.  Once you added the 40 lbs.

I gotta say that not only didn't I miss Paula (which isn't a shocker, I was glad she left), but the judging went a lot smoother without the incessant bickering and Simon finally got to finish his critiques.



So that guy fell out of a tree and broke both wrists?  I think it was really Moody and his gang of hoodlums.  Where's Adam Baldwin when you need him?


A couple more Separated at Births here:

http://home.comcast.net/~hanson68/9/sab.htm

Twelvehead girl reminded me of Star Trek alright...only I was thinking more in the line of Talosians.

I realize there will be many, many nicknames to come, but "Twelvehead Girl" is the best so far!

BTW, this is Twelvehead girl:



She is dubbed "Twelvehead Girl" because she has a forehead X 3.  As near as I could tell, Twelvehead Girl referred to the song Jizzed in My Pants as a joke, and "jizzed" was bleeped out.  Her unhappy reaction to her friend making it was priceless.

All in all, the Atlanta auditions were much more entertaining than the Boston dud from Tuesday.  There were actually a couple of good singers and had more funny contestants. 

After two shows, it is clear that the judging runs much more smoothly without Paula constantly interrupting Simon.  In the past, there were segments where it was more about the bickering that the contestants.

New Separated at Births and Chops are up, click on the link in my sig.

So I forget, were was Ellen, I thought she was one of the regular judges.

Atlanta guy who wouldn't beleive the judges was awesomely funny.

Her first shows were taped during Hollywood Week, I believe.  She considered starting with the actual live shows, but wanted to have some background on the contestants before judging them.

Anyone else see the "Neil Young" vesion of "Pants on the Ground"?

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/clips/neil-young-pants-on-the-ground-11410/1193095/

I saw that, Patrick.  Easily the funniest thing I have ever seen Fallon do outside of SNL.

They were using that in promos during Conan.  It was only a couple of seconds, so if you didn't look closely, you would think it was really Neil Young.  :)

Wow... Casey Carlson really let herself go:



I thought she wasn't eligible for Idol anymore...

Idol is usually a parade of freaks, but check out this one:



Those daisy dukes are so small that the fabric around the waistline is on the verge of buckling, and she can't even get the zipper to go up all the way.  I'm just thankful that Idol only showed her coming and not going.  The kicker?  She wasn't a contestant -- she was someone's mom.  Imagine if that was your mom.  On national TV.  Please call your mother today and thank her for not being a grotesque national embarassment.  Holy hell.

Check out this guy -- it's like Randy Jackson had sex with Chris Sligh and then scientists figured out how to splice their DNA.



Katelyn Epperly had this whole sob story about how her dad left her, and she's doing this for mom, and she had this wholesome midwestern look with the blonde ringlets and a babydoll dress.  Then she turns to enter the audition and *BAM*!  Huge, gnarly-ass back tattoo.



What -- did she join the Yakuza or something?  In Iowa?

It's very annoying when the producers spend way too much time on an obvious put-on.  This Braying Jackass' audition went on forever, wasn't the least bit funny, and was an obvious bit of willful buffoonery.  The only consolation: 2 separated at births:


Boss Nass & Braying Jackass


Prince Naveen's valet Lawrence & Braying Jackass

Charity Vance is a 16 year old who sings well but has a really high, thin voice.  The best thing I can say is she sings better than this chick:



Charity is from Little Rock Arkansas but auditioned in Chicago.  When you intersect Little Rock and Chicago, what do you get?



You can see it little bit of Bill in there too.  She actually looks more like the Clintons' daughter than Chelsea does.

And finally, Paige Dechausse has asthma and has to audition holding an inhaler.  I was puzzled at the stress the judges put her through by teasing her about whether or not to put her through to Hollywood considering stress can trigger asthma attacks.  If she makes it to the top 24, I bet her gimmick will be different inhalers with multi-colored rhinestones so Ryan can have something to talk about other than her stringy hair and blotchy skin.  Because God knows, this chick has zero personality.

Edited by Hanson - 1/20/10 at 9:01am

Wonder why the shows are only an hour this week- I thought the audition weeks were usually 2-hour episodes.

I'm grateful for the shorter audition episodes, let's get on with Hollywood week!

I think Braying Jackass might've been serious -- he did sound a bit like Tiny Tim!  :)

"My pants dun ripped"

I like how he was saying his "friends" showed him how to dance and they are strippers.  That's like the guy at work that says "my friend told me has has this bad rash on his crotch, what should he do to get that fixed?"

David Hernandez part 2.

My own uglies turtled up when that guy did that literal split. Yowwwwww!!!!

I think Katie Perry should be Simons replacement when he leaves next year :)

It's not that off base considering they were both taking the place of the vocally challenged Paula Abdul.  The fact that they're actually relevant artists makes them much more qualified.  That and they can talk coherently.

Actually, other than Posh, everyone else has been better than Paula to some degree.  Shania and Katy were so good they made up for all of Kara's deficiencies.  Watching Katy put Kara in her place was one of the highlights of the season so far.  Katy PWNS Kara in every way -- even in the bikini way:



No contest!

Speaking of putting Kara in her place, I was surprised that Kara backed down from Simon and offered a soft "no" when he interrupted her in mid-sentence and aggressively asked, "Kara, yes or no?"  He used to do that to Paula and she always lost her shit.  Kara just knuckled under.  Good dog.

Did anyone else get a strong, strong Gokey vibe from Andrew Garcia?  Same vocals, same mannerisms, same hand gestures, and same douchey glasses.  Also, they're both quite ugly, with Garcia being right fat to boot.  Which reminds me... The Vote for the Worst theory is that TPTB want a girl to win because the male winners have tanked so badly in the market while Carrie, Kelly, and even Jordan have succeeded in selling records (well, there's always going to be a Fantasia in the bunch).  One of the ways they intend on steering the voting away from the guys is to pick the fugliest male contestants you can find.  If you're fat, ugly, or fat & ugly, you have a leg up on the competition.  Tweens aren't going to vote for someone like Andrew Garcia because he looks like Uncle Fester no matter how well he sings.

Oh, and that Orphan guy is apparently milking the fact that he's an orphan big time.  All of his on-screen names (Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc) are set up for OrphanChris & OrphanMusic.  Rather shameless, no?

I think Katty's "everyone has an interesting story" (or whatever the quote was) was the highlight of the season so far.

It was also interesting to see one of the judges (Lavigne) vote "no," because she couldn't see the singer being able to handle the industry--at least not the one this record contract would entail.  I think there might be a strong disparity between what people like Randy and Kara, and even Simon view as the "realities of the road," and what current, popular artists such as Perry, Lavigne, and even Jonas hold.  Of course None of those singers are exactly struggling artists, hopping from dive bar to dive bar, taking any gig thrown their way, barely being able to put gas in the bus.  Still, I'm sure they see a lot more shit than Simon, Randy, and Kara.

I just thought it was interesting.

Regarding the orphan guy, he said he has had 25 Foster Families, idk anything about the system but is that standard or would he be a bad kid, seems like 1 family would keep you.

Katy was great.

According to people who grew up in the foster family system, 25 is not an unusual number.  Apparently, it is common for those who get into being a foster family to quit, either for monetary reasons or they were not prepared for the responsibility.  So it's a pretty fluid situation.
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This is not to say that some opportunist couldn't be exaggerating to tug at more heartstrings.

Thanks Hanson.