Shorts dump...John Nesbitt’s Passing Parade No. 53: The Great American Mug (1945) (short) Dir: Cyril Endfield
Production: MGM
A fanciful look at a trip to a barber shop, which back in the day was really something more along the lines of a men’s club. The short is supposed to take contemporary viewers back to an earlier time, but of course, to today’s viewer the 1940’s barbershop is hardly any more recognizable than the 1900’s barber shop; men in suits and ties, looking over the latest Police Gazette, an endless variety of hair tonics, tobaccos and cuspidors, shoe shines, manicures, baths (!), and other sundry tonsorial arts are all on display. One of the routines was for each regular customer to have his own personalized mug, which was held in a large rack on a wall. The mug was filled with soap and a brush. And when you changed barbers, the new barber would go into the old barber’s shop and triumphantly retrieve the customer’s mug. The last time I went to get a haircut, a rather flamboyant gentleman tried to sell me a $30 bottle of shampoo and while waiting I had the choice to read either US or PEOPLE magazine.
out of 4
James A. FitzPatrick’s Traveltalks: Seeing Ceylon (1953) (short)
Production: MGM
This early Traveltalk (looks like the second one) starts out in Columbo, the capital of Ceylon (or Sri Lanka to modern viewers), whose role as a main port is highlighted by its lone landmark, a lighthouse at the end of its main street. Then off to Mount Lavinia, a popular resort town, where we are introduced to Miss Ceylon as Tchaikovsky’s ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ from the Nutcracker plays on the soundtrack. Other sights include Buddhist temples, the perils of Ceylon traffic (getting stuck behind elephants hauling trees), the “world famous” Peradenyia Gardens, the city of Kandy (and the celebrated bathing elephants of that city), and a glimpse at the rubber industry. Ceylon is noted for having a comparatively enlightened view of women, who enjoy rare freedoms (like, they can show their faces).
out of 4
James A. FitzPatrick’s Traveltalks: Ancient India (1952) (short)
Production: MGM
We open in the city and state of Bundi, of which could be said there are fewer inhabited places on the face of the Earth who have changed so little from its past. Fitz states a common Traveltalk sentiment; the people who live in such humble surroundings, like Bundi, are content with their lives, without the trouble or confusion that bedevils us suckers. A visit with the Maharajah of Bundi, as he celebrates his birthday, and a tour of his palace follows. Then, a look at a religious shrine, which a gang of monkeys has made their home. A different member of the animal kingdom reigns in Jaipur--the sacred cow, who comes and goes as she wishes. Finally, we get a quick glimpse of the palace of the Maharajah of Jaipur, which is stunning in scope and extravagance.
out of 4
James A. FitzPatrick’s Traveltalks: Old Natchez on the Mississippi (1939) (short)
Production: MGM
A little ‘Old South’ porn for the diehards. Not surprisingly there is a lot of nostalgia for the pre-war years (that’s the Civil War), when Natchez was the ‘Queen of the South’. Natchez is the kind of places where the Garden Club ladies restore old frame houses, get kitted out in period dresses and raise and salute an old fifteen star flag. Natchez holds an elaborate annual celebration of the antebellum era, where ladies dress up in petticoats and sing songs and children hold tea parties. Oh, and colored folk also recreate their, uh, ‘roles’. As Fitz relays that one ‘Aunt Jenny’, now in her late 80’s, tells us, “no merrier people ever lived than the colored folks of the deep south.” A shot of some young men rolling bones proves the point. Some sort of outdoor cotillion ensues as we get swept up in the romance of Old Dixie. One of the better prints, which at least shows off the Southern architecture, but this kind of play-acting holds no interest for me.
out of 4
James A. FitzPatrick’s Traveltalks: Along the Cactus Trail (1944) (short)
Production: MGM
On this Traveltalk, we follow the Cactus Trail, a motor trip that takes you from Riverside, CA to Phoenix, AZ. First we explore Riverside’s spectacular Mission Inn, a sort of art museum/hotel, where we run into famous composer Carrie Jacobs-Bond (yeah, I don’t know who she is either). Along the Cactus Trail we note a grove of Joshua trees, said to “represent the oldest form of plant life” (‘Waltz of the Flowers’ makes another appearance). What follows is an extended look at the plant life along the way (featuring Fitz’s attempt to prune a dead ‘pipe’ from an Organ Pipe cactus). Arriving in Phoenix we stop at the Camelback Inn, which sits appropriately enough at the foot of the Camelback Mountain. The Inn features a garden in which is grown just about every species of cacti found in the U.S. and Mexico. Add two stars if you’re a horticulturalist.
out of 4
A Crime Does Not Pay Subject No. 17: A Criminal is Born (1938) (short) Dir: Leslie Fenton
Production: MGM
Crisis time in Crime Does Not Pay land, as ‘Judge Charles Edwin Marshall’ informs us that the criminal population in the country has now reached over 4 million. You might guess that the average criminal is born out of poverty, well you’d be wrong. Get your head out of the sand! Most criminals come from a home just like yours or mine, except they are the product of parental neglect. And we are shown the experience of four such hoodlums in training; the son of the well-to-do parents who are always going out for dinner or a party and leaving junior home alone to fend for himself; the boy from the dysfunctional family with the abusive husband/father; the son who can’t get the attention of his self-absorbed big shot dad; and the fourth member of the gang, the kid whose fallen in with this bad crowd, but his attentive father may be the lifeline he needs to straighten himself out. The point, ironically, is that criminals aren’t born, they’re made, by awful parenting. Fairly effective and well done.
out of 4
James A. FitzPatrick’s Traveltalks: Over the Seas to Belfast (1946) (short)
Production: MGM
We start in Halifax harbor, Nova Scotia, and to celebrate the opening of the seas to civilian travel after the war, we’re crossing the Atlantic. The trip has added poignancy, as on board are about 150 evacueed children returning home to Britain. Most have been gone for so long that they’re going back with Canadian and American accents. We disembark at the “world’s leading linen center”, Belfast. Sights include the City Hall building, the noted botanical gardens, and the Parliament building, where we spend some time on a visit by the King, Queen and Princess Elizabeth.
out of 4
A Pete Smith Specialty: Marine Circus (1939) (short) Dir: James A. FitzPatrick
Production: MGM
Or when Pete Smith met Traveltalks. Our visit is to Marineland, a newly opened aquarium located somewhere along the A1A on the Florida coast between St. Augustine and Daytona. The main attraction is something that no self-respecting aquarium nowadays would be caught without--a giant tank filled with all types of fish, turtles, dolphins, sharks, stingrays, etc., in order to replicate the true underwater environment. What made this kind of a novelty for its time is that the tank is equipped with movie cameras, which produced ‘underwater’ footage not seen at that point (and would go on to be the sight where many movies, CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON for one, and TV shows were filmed). We take a brief excursion to see how “new actors for the studio”, in this case a shark, are procured and brought back for Marineland. The big event is feeding time in the tank--the fish apparently respond to an underwater bell being rung. Good footage, including a diver having a little trouble with a hungry turtle. Pete Smith does his thing (“this ray’s name is Martha, get it?”). So I like aquariums, sue me.
out of 4
James A. FitzPatrick’s Traveltalks: Glimpses of Florida (1941) (short)
Production: MGM
Opens with the story of how palm trees came to Florida (cocoanuts salvaged from a wrecked Spanish ship in 1878). Then a look at the relaxing Miami beaches and swanky clubs. No trip to Miami would be complete without a visit to a place known by degenerates the world over--Hialeah race track, looking a touch more glamorous than it did before it closed in 2001. With ‘Swanee River’ on the soundtrack we travel down the Suwannee and off through the Everglades. Other attractions include Bok Tower, the spectacular Cypress Gardens, and Silver Springs, where we see an alligator wrestler teach some gator a lesson and milk a diamondback rattler. Finally a look at the present-day Seminole Indians, who descended from about 150 ancestors that were left over following an extended war with the U.S. government in the 1830s-40s, a war which begin when the Seminole rejected a gracious offer to move west to a reservation.
out of 4
A Miniature: Let’s Dance (1936) (short) Dir: David Miller
Production: MGM
A brief summary of some tap and ballroom dances, with an explanation of their steps, as narrated by Pete Smith. We meet Dave Gould, the creator of the Carioca and The Continental, who shows us his new dance, the ‘Tap-Along’. A somewhat impractical dance called the Adagio (it’s more of an acrobat routine) is shown in super-slow-mo, and you get a sense of the physical danger the dancers are in if they’re off by even an inch. Then a look at a knife throwing act/dance troupe, including a slow-mo shot of a botched knife throw. We finish with a brutal look at some, uh, plus-sized women who dance to lose weight. A couple of familiar Arthur Freed/Herb Brown songs are on the soundtrack, Broadway Rhythm and You Are My Lucky Star (as heinously sung by Smith).
out of 4
A Pete Smith Specialty:
The Domineering Male (1940) (
short) Dir: John Hines
Production: MGM
An alternative take on the once prevailing thought that in a relationship, it’s the man that should call the shots. As we see, it’s the woman who, through subtle machinations and manipulations, pulls the strings. We meet Gertie, a smoking, drinking, gum-chewer who makes herself over into a chaste, refined teetotaler for the benefit of landing a top prospect husband. Gertie’s phoniness is played for biting but gentle laughs, until the short takes a cynical turn and it becomes bitter Pete Smith trying to work out his real-life issues with gold digging women (at least according to my flawless armchair psychiatry). Funny in an antiquated way.
out of 4
John Nesbitt’s Passing Parade No. 50: A Lady Fights Back (1944) (short)
Production: MGM
The ‘lady’ of the title is the French luxury liner Normandie, and this short, exclusively through archival footage, tells the story of the ship’s remarkable existence. We see the Normandie’s first arrival in New York in 1935 and the first class reception the city gave it. Then a tour through the ship, its opulent dining hall and lounge, the indoor pool, the artwork, the kitchen with its 56-foot long stoves, even the fixtures were extravagant. The dogs’ menu offered chicken liver and lamp chops for f***’s sake. But as France’s fortunes waned, so did the Normandie’s. With the ship in New York while WWII raged, the U.S. claimed the Normandie to use in the war effort. As it was being worked on to be converted for use, the ship caught fire, eventually capsizing in the harbor. At incredible cost, the ship was improbably righted, an engineering feat said to have taught lessons used in the salvage operation at Pearl Harbor. With the last shots of the Normandie that cameras were allowed to take, we see her going out to sea to be used by the Navy against submarines and as a minesweeper. Good story, fascinating footage.
out of 4
A Pete Smith Specialty: Heroes at Leisure (1939) (short) Dir: Charles T. Trego
Production: MGM
Here we follow a group of lifeguards on their down time as they take out their longboards and go undersea diving. There we see them snatch up abalone (a kind of oyster), some crazy looking lobster, and take out a moray eel before it can take them out. All this is done without any breathing aid and the divers can be underwater for up to 3 minutes. There’s an unconvincing encounter with a shark (who looks anesthetized or worse) and an octopus. One of the better shots is during the paddle home in rough waters--an imperturbable dog rides the whole trip on the front of one of the boards.
out of 4
A Pete Smith Specialty: I Love My Wife But! (1947) (short) Dir: Dave O’Brien (as David Barclay)
Production: MGM
Now I know Pete has issues with women. This short is about how annoying wives can be, from the nagging slave driver type to the relentless yapper that talks from morning to night. So we see all the types, like the wife who takes forever to get ready before going out. Then there’s the wife who’s constantly trying to correct behavior, or in one of the better sequences, the wife who brings the husband along shopping and takes forever to buy something. In this bit, the husband is stuck waiting around in the woman’s department and inadvertently keeps meeting the eyes of an old lady buying a girdle. And finally, for the sexist coup de grace, there’s the wife who can’t drive without hitting something (actually that one is true, everyone knows women can’t drive).
out of 4
Edited by Pete York - 10/15/09 at 10:12pm 
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