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Going thru life being unnoticed - Page 3

post #61 of 69
6/23/08 at 10:27pm

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Robert - Does your girlfriend have an opinion on your situation? She seems to be the person most able to help you find new friends since you say she is so good at it. Have you talked to her about this?

And what happened to the friends that you knew growing up or in college? Did you stay in touch?

Brad
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post #62 of 69
6/24/08 at 4:51am

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Lockwood
So you have a girlfriend but are unhappy with not getting enough attention from women? What am I missing here?
Nothing but the perfectly natural (and I would think universal) desire to feel attractive. Doesn't everyone want to be wanted?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Gatie
Yeah, I must say that revelation floored me.
Not sure why. It's perfectly possible to have a partner and still suck, which Robert very evidently does

--
H
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post #63 of 69
6/24/08 at 5:36am

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holadem
Nothing but the perfectly natural (and I would think universal) desire to feel attractive. Doesn't everyone want to be wanted?


Not sure why. It's perfectly possible to have a partner and still suck, which Robert very evidently does

--
H

Well, most of the time when someone writes that they are an introvert who is looking to be noticed by the opposite sex, they aren't already being noticed by the opposite sex.

And no, not everyone wants to be found attractive. I've met some women who go out of their way to look unattractive. But usually this is due to some emotional or psychological condition. There are also those people who say they wish to be found attractive, but they also go out of their way to look as unattractive as possible. I haven't quite figured that scenario out yet, but they certainly are conflicted.

But I think in general, a healthy normal person wants to be found attractive.
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post #64 of 69
6/24/08 at 10:31am

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert_Z
I'm an introvert, but not by choice. I can't choose to be extroverted, just like I can't choose to be 6 feet tall, to be a different race, or to be anything else beyond my control.

If I could choose to be the life of the party, and if I could have chosen (in my younger years) to be a chick magnet just by donning a different personality, I would have done so. But it doesn't work that way.

I can't just decide to change and then ... voila, a new me, a different personality. Believe me, I tried. I joined local meetup groups, did the local HT groups, played in Texas Hold'em groups, tried 8 minute dating when I was single, went to night clubs, etc. I did get a few dates out of it and made some casual acquaintances, but in spite of all those opportunities, I failed to make one true friend. That's frustrating. Very frustrating.
Based on everything I've read here it seems you do not want to be anything but an introvert. You can't just go to clubs and functions, you also must make an effort to interract with the people there. I get the impression you don't do that. From what I see you probably just stand there while others talk and ,to be frank, no one likes a one sided conversation. You have to decide to make a change and to compare your condition to changing race or height is ridiculous and nothing more than a cop out. See, the question here isn't why people don't notice you, but rather, why should they? What are you going to bring to the table? When someone else puts effort into a relationship with you can you return it? Right now the answer is probably no. I also feel that you should thank your lucky stars you have a girlfriend and not be worried about flirting with other women while with her. How would that make her feel? Do you care how others feel or just yourself? Now, this all may seem very harsh but, the way I see it, you are the only one that can fix this attitude about yourself. No amount of advice will ever be enough if effort will never be applied to said advice.
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post #65 of 69
6/25/08 at 3:43pm

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

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post #66 of 69
7/3/08 at 8:41am
Thread Starter 

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

I noticed that people stopped commenting about my situation/condition as soon as they found out I have a girlfriend. Why is that?

My lack of social connections is what caused one of our past breakups. I was depending on her to provide our social life, so this is a serious issue for me, even if I do have a steady supply of snatch.

I was really surprised by the response (or lack thereof). hmmm
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post #67 of 69
7/3/08 at 9:05am

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert_Z
I noticed that people stopped commenting about my situation/condition as soon as they found out I have a girlfriend. Why is that?

My lack of social connections is what caused one of our past breakups. I was depending on her to provide our social life, so this is a serious issue for me, even if I do have a steady supply of snatch.

I was really surprised by the response (or lack thereof). hmmm


Robert,

There have been 8 responses since your last post. Some of them were quite long and detailed. Some of them had direct questions to you, such as "Does your girlfriend have an opinion on your situation? She seems to be the person most able to help you find new friends since you say she is so good at it. Have you talked to her about this?"

You replied to none of the 8 posts. This is a clue, Robert . . . run with it.
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post #68 of 69
7/3/08 at 9:55am

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert_Z
Tell me about it. You'd think being a Dallas Cowboys and San Antonio Spurs fan in San Antonio, TX, would make it easy as pie to get to know people, but not yet. I know there had to be hundreds of Spurs playoff watch parties, but I was invited to none of them. I knew of none of them. So back to my original post, I feel invisible and disconnected because people don't seem to share my interests.

About the women, I'm not saying I want to date. It'd just be nice to get noticed (instead of feeling invisible) once in a while. I think most men could relate to the satisfaction of knowing you're being "checked out" by a good-looking woman. No motive, no expectation, just a nice pick-me-up.
(emphasis mine.)

Instead of waiting for an invitation, throw your own party. Invite 50 other guys and if only 5 show up, you will now have 5 like-minded sports fans who probably also were not invited to any playoff parties.

Go from there.

Not that hard, even for someone who does not make friends easily.
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post #69 of 69
7/3/08 at 12:07pm

Re: Going thru life being unnoticed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lew Crippen
(emphasis mine.)

Instead of waiting for an invitation, throw your own party. Invite 50 other guys and if only 5 show up, you will now have 5 like-minded sports fans who probably also were not invited to any playoff parties.

Go from there.

Not that hard, even for someone who does not make friends easily.
Excellent advice . If you are a member here, then you probably have an HT that will impress the heck out of them. They will wanna come back.

Also, join meetup.com -- run a search for Spurs or sports or whatever it is you're into and go to the next meet up. It's free, it works. Now if once you're with people, if you don't know how to make yourself interesting, then I don't know what to tell ya. No one is ever completely invisible. Even if you're just standing there mute, the more outgoing ones around you will approach you. The rest is up to you.

EDIT: now curiously enough, there doesn't appear to be a Spurs meetup group in San Antonio. There are however these people who have expressed interest in such a group, and are just waiting for you to create one (which will cost you $20): Find a Meetup Group - San Antonio Spurs Meetups - San Antonio

Heck, one of them is even part of a San Antonio Movie group

--
H
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