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Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday. - Page 2

post #31 of 60
4/14/08 at 5:05pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Meh. cleaner if you just cut it off and start new. What if you found out she was going to be hanging out at my place tomorrow? (hypothetical only) Chances are high it would mess up your head quite a bit. No fair to you or her...

I would make a clean cut. Still only a small chance that she will miss what she had, but if you let her wean herself off - she'll never really get a chance to miss it before replacing you, no?

You can cut her off and still be nice about it, just be firm and stern. She will respect that. Something like; "If you don't want to be with me then I can respect that and I will give you space, but it will be complete. When I am in a relationship I give it my full effort - I don't know how to give a partial effort and I don't want a partial relationship. I hope this all works out for you. If you change your mind you know where to reach me - but don't call unless you have changed your mind. "

I hope all goes well tonight, but I have a sense of foreboding that it will lead to a bad place eventually...


meanwhile, what about all those hot young comedy groupies?
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post #32 of 60
4/14/08 at 7:40pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric_L
Meh. cleaner if you just cut it off and start new. What if you found out she was going to be hanging out at my place tomorrow? (hypothetical only) Chances are high it would mess up your head quite a bit. No fair to you or her...

I would make a clean cut. Still only a small chance that she will miss what she had, but if you let her wean herself off - she'll never really get a chance to miss it before replacing you, no?

You can cut her off and still be nice about it, just be firm and stern. She will respect that. Something like; "If you don't want to be with me then I can respect that and I will give you space, but it will be complete. When I am in a relationship I give it my full effort - I don't know how to give a partial effort and I don't want a partial relationship. I hope this all works out for you. If you change your mind you know where to reach me - but don't call unless you have changed your mind. "

I hope all goes well tonight, but I have a sense of foreboding that it will lead to a bad place eventually...


meanwhile, what about all those hot young comedy groupies?

Ding! Ding! Ding! Plus the way you worded your statement to her is perfect. Women don't want a wishy washy "I'll do anything to be near you, even be your friend" guy, they want someone who knows what he wants and doesn't compromise. Chances are she's giving Mark the "I'll agree to see each other as friends" routine either to not seem like a bitch, or she wants someone waiting in the wings. Agreeing to something like that is the worst thing Mark can do. It's only going to cause massive resentment, because neither one of them can live up to the "friend" thing when both want something different.

Sorry Mark, but she's relegating you to the bench when you should demand to be a starter. If she can't use you, free agency awaits. Don't settle.
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post #33 of 60
4/15/08 at 6:32am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Sherman
Hey Guys Great advice.


Well Last Night she sent me an email saying that she felt Jaded from her last relationship. She doesnt hate me she has no resentment towords me. and i towards her. I told her flat out that I like her. I am not talking Marriage, selling our Houses and buy a new one. I just said I just want to do is talk on the phone go out to dinner every now and then and hang out. I wont stay over I'll Just drop her off at the end of the date.


She is calling me tonight.
Quote:
I decided that the Oh I miss you, I need you thing is over played. Im in the point in my life where I dont need the drama ( thats what I have cable for ) My Parents Just love her so does my Bro and His GF.


I'll see how it goes tonight.
So if you are not talking any kind of long-term relationship, what are your expectations?

One can be friends with women, but that really does not fit into the ‘date’ scenario. It really seems as though you are interested in using the ‘go out to dinner and drop you off at home’ routine as a way to get back to at least what you had before. That plus how your parents, brother and his girlfriend feel about her makes not difference at all, if you are truly not interested in a long-term relationship (aside from being ‘just friends’).

Ask yourself what you really want to happen between the two of you. Then act accordingly.

Personally I’d use my dating time finding someone who was interested in more than dinner (and without even a good night kiss).
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post #34 of 60
4/15/08 at 12:10pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

So...how did it go?

If it didnt go well. let it go, dont even shoot the shit with her. Your done, move on. If it went well, be careful, make sure she isnt just being nice. Make sure you dont get hurt with false hope. Just keep your guard up.
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post #35 of 60
4/15/08 at 12:19pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lew Crippen
Personally I’d use my dating time finding someone who was interested in more than dinner (and without even a good night kiss).

Truer words were never spoken. Its not like a woman has to sleep with you on the first date. But you dont want to be the guy called when their funds are low, no one else to call, i am bored, and my friends are all busy...why i think i will call the guy at the bottom of the list in my black book!

On a side note, i always got a laugh out of women who told me men are such an ass, when it comes to breaking up. I tell them they have never been dumped by a woman, so how do they know men are worse? After my divorce 10 years ago i went out with a number of women. I can tell you they can play some damn fine mind games. Not all of them to be sure, but never let a woman tell you they dont play games...they do!
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post #36 of 60
4/15/08 at 12:36pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Mark, I think some of the other guys saw through your " I just want to hang out with you, have dinner sometimes and drop you at your door" spiel. It's not an expression of your true feelings, we know it, you know it, and she surely knows it. You don't want to be her friend, you want the whole thing and she is saying that's not available. Do yourself a favor and move on. There is a really awsome girl out there who thinks that Mark, the funny and smart guy, is enough for her. This is not that girl, not now, not next year.
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post #37 of 60
4/15/08 at 4:10pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Man I wish I had a thread like this 15 years ago when I had my last breakup...
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post #38 of 60
4/15/08 at 5:06pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

things went well we talked on the phone for over an hour. She was totally fucked over by the last guy she dated. She still wants to talk to me and get this she asked if she could still make me my birthday cake.


Hell Yeah.

I have nothing against this girl only the fact that she got fucked over by this other guy soo bad she is just Jaded and she has her gaurd up.

we might get together and go out to Bruch for our Birthdays. ( we are only 4 days apart)..Down the cape
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post #39 of 60
4/15/08 at 7:18pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

so she wants you to have your cake and eat it too?


Nobody suspected you had anything against her, quite contrair. But you really shoudn't tolerate being forced to deal with another guys grief. It is OK to have expectations of your own. If she can't accomodate you, then... ummm... What flavor cake is it?
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post #40 of 60
4/15/08 at 7:36pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Not sure yet what kind she is going to make but I can assure you that it is going to be yummy. She is one good cook.


later
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post #41 of 60
4/16/08 at 5:45am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Sherman
..She was totally fucked over by the last guy she dated.

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post #42 of 60
4/16/08 at 9:31am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric_L
so she wants you to have your cake and eat it too?


Nobody suspected you had anything against her, quite contrair. But you really shoudn't tolerate being forced to deal with another guys grief. It is OK to have expectations of your own. If she can't accomodate you, then... ummm... What flavor cake is it?

Unless you plan on dating a 2 year old, there are always going to be leftovers from past relationships to deal with, expressed or not. Deal with it. This woman is a mother, and no matter what any new guy may want, her first priority should be protecting her kids. If her last relationship was that bad, I don't blame her for taking a step back when faced with a new relationship that apparently was becoming serious - this breakup could be nothing more than a defensive reaction to getting over her head, and how Mark reacts could well be part of the screening process, intended or not. If you are serious about the other person the main thing is to keep the communication going and be honest, both to her and to yourself.
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post #43 of 60
4/16/08 at 4:13pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Ulmer
If you are serious about the other person the main thing is to keep the communication going and be honest, both to her and to yourself.


we are. I said so, you never want to see me again, Her reply was, I never said that. So she Just needs some time. also. Her Kids love me. they Hated, HATED the last Guy. When she had some friends over her daughter walked by and heard her talking to her friend about breaking up with me. To which her daughter said, " Mom!!! I cant Believe you did that, you are such an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!". So I guess her kids are all sad about this.



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post #44 of 60
4/16/08 at 11:38pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Sherman
To which her daughter said, " Mom!!! I cant Believe you did that, you are such an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!". So I guess her kids are all sad about this.
That's how she allows her daughter to talk to her? Now, that's very interresting. I know kids today say worse things, but, they should never be comfortable enough to speak that way to a parent. It happened around company also. Kinda says something, don'tcha think. Also, if that's how the kids are allowed to act, I wouldn't be cheering thier endorsement of you.
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post #45 of 60
4/17/08 at 8:42am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

When i was dating, i was never comfortable meeting a womans kids. I mean one or two dates, meeting the kids, and i wonder how many men had walked through like i did. Not good. How long were you two going out? If its been a few months, that makes it extra hard for you, and those kids. I also agree, my kids wouldnt call anyone an asshole. Mine are 14 and 16 now. Old enough to know the words, but they sure better never use them in front of me, or their mom!
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post #46 of 60
4/17/08 at 3:06pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

The Kids dont normally act that way. I have been around them on many occasions and there has never been any type of bad language.


I guess they were Just upset.
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post #47 of 60
4/17/08 at 3:10pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric_L
meanwhile, what about all those hot young comedy groupies?



we'll see at my gig on May17th at the Pembroke Country Club in Pembroke ma.



Cough ( shameless Plug ) Cough
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post #48 of 60
6/22/08 at 11:34am
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

well about those comedy groupies. I had one find me on my myspace and
started emailing me. well she gave me her number and we meet about 2 weeks ago. Lets Just say I havent seen the light of day for a while.
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post #49 of 60
6/22/08 at 10:48pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Does this mean you're movin' on? If so, damn good choice. There are too many women out there. To be playing a waiting game for one is never a good move IMO.
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post #50 of 60
6/23/08 at 1:12pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

yup moving on. I have another one wanting me as well. its good to be the king
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post #51 of 60
6/24/08 at 5:26pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

I just caught this thread but wanted to share a story from the other side of the fence regarding a female family member who dumped her boyfriend of 2 years. Basically she had been in a prior bad relationship and was afraid of any form of commitment. She dumped the guy (that she really liked) and cried about it for months. She was embarrassed to call the guy and try to restart the relationship. The main issue was that she needed some serious professional counseling to get over her previous (bad) relationship. I was friends with the guy as well so I got to see that side of the breakup as well. I can tell you that 10x the number of phone calls were flying around on the woman's side. He called her a month later and that set off another barrage of phone calls. If you are really into someone then consider that the other party may not have been acting rationally. The woman's inability to give you a clear reason for breaking up is a big red flag. Give them a call after a month or two and see if they want to do something casually (coffee, etc.). If you catch the issue prior to a breakup, suggest that you see a relationship counselor together. If the person actually loves you then they will give that a try before the big dump. If you are just looking for a fun companion and don't want to deal with all the problems then by all means walk away...
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post #52 of 60
6/25/08 at 4:04am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Dang I love being right on with a longshot!
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post #53 of 60
6/25/08 at 6:59am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

I ended up marrying the girl who dumped me to go back to her long time boyfriend who then dumped him when she figured out what she really wanted and what a real assh*le he was. We celebrated thirteen years together last September.
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post #54 of 60
6/25/08 at 3:28pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mylan
I ended up marrying the girl who dumped me to go back to her long time boyfriend who then dumped him when she figured out what she really wanted and what a real assh*le he was. We celebrated thirteen years together last September.


- let her know I miss her... (JK)
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post #55 of 60
6/25/08 at 3:49pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric_L
- let her know I miss her... (JK)

I be sure to do that, are you still an assh*le?
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post #56 of 60
6/26/08 at 6:05pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

hehe. Let's just say Jimmy Buffett and I go way back...



I've always considered 'asshole' to be more of a rotating obligation shared by all of humanity instead of as a descriptive adjective reserved for only a few.. That is the only way I can explain the experience we've all shared - you know - when you suddenly realized you've done something asshole-ish. It's not that we're all assholes - it's just that we all have to take turns - and once in a while you realize it while it is still your turn.
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post #57 of 60
6/26/09 at 12:24pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Although this may not sound possible now in your current frame of mind and state of heart, someday you'll look back at this and wonder why you ever cared for her. Or at the very least you'll wonder why it bothered you so much.

Frankly I resent the years I wasted with one girl (7 years) but that experience "shaped" me and made me the person I am today.

I don't know how old you are but from the picture it looks like you're probably in your 20's maybe 30's.

Plenty of time to find someone special. Plenty of time to find someone that loves and appreciates you and what makes you "tick."
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post #58 of 60
6/26/09 at 12:31pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Unfortunately, this thread is a year old. If I know Mark, he's fallen in and out of love a dozen times since then.
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post #59 of 60
6/28/09 at 7:58pm

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff Gatie
Unfortunately, this thread is a year old. If I know Mark, he's fallen in and out of love a dozen times since then.


talk aout an odd thread bump, and it wasn't even Dennis.
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post #60 of 60
6/29/09 at 6:21am

Re: Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TonyD


talk aout an odd thread bump, and it wasn't even Dennis.

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