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Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

post #1 of 34
9/3/06 at 3:24pm
Thread Starter 
I must admit I never heard her 'sing' but I would bet money this review is more entertaining than the actual cd.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cg...DTL&type=music
Haven't laughed out loud in weeks
Grant
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post #2 of 34
9/3/06 at 9:07pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

By far the most creative music review I've ever read!
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post #3 of 34
9/4/06 at 6:59am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

[quote]The donkey not only has longer ears than the horse but also typically eats much less. Also, its fur is not waterproof. The domesticated animal, Equus asinus, can defend itself with a powerful kick from its hind legs. While present in early American society, the donkey's popularity was not widespread until the Gold Rush, thanks to its social disposition and ability to carry tools. Many people consider the donkey a cute and comical animal, but it has a reputation for being stubborn. A popular German proverb contends that a donkey can dress up in a lion suit, but its ears will always stick out and reveal its true identity. The donkey is helpful in herding sheep, cattle or goats. The animal is also commonly known as a jackass, burro, jennet, hinny and ass. It has a loud, brassy voice that goes, "Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"

-- Aidin Vaziri[quote]

That is pretty funny.
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post #4 of 34
9/4/06 at 8:47pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Let me repeat my mini-rant to a few friends on this:-

That’s the whole problem innit? Some no-talent celeb who can’t sing but has gotten plenty of “exposure” (in more ways than one) can marshal all those resources to produce something that sounds half-good, but singers with real talent continue to languish in small clubs.

You can tell the song is one of those that just about anyone can sing, i.e. it doesn’t really stretch the vocals. Typical pop-fluff that is endemic of the entire manufactured boy-band/girl-group/Idol phenomenon (and at least Idols usually can sing a bit). In contrast, listen to just about any Christina Aguilera song – now that girl can sing!

And the record industry wonders why sales keep diminishing year on year. I’d rather spend my money on DVDs…

Edit: should clarify that in response to my sending the link, some friends commented that they thought "Stars Are Blind" wasn't bad, it's well-produced pop, and given the collaborators she had, it would be difficult for it to be crap. Hence my reference to "resources".

2nd edit: spelling of "can't sing" rather than "can't sign". I am assuming she can, indeed, sign her own name...
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post #5 of 34
9/5/06 at 10:06am
Thread Starter 

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Forgot to mention the 0 out of 5 rating
One of the greatest put downs I have ever read!
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post #6 of 34
9/5/06 at 2:26pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Some no-talent celeb who can’t sign but has gotten plenty of “exposure” (in more ways than one) can marshal all those resources to produce something that sounds half-good, but singers with real talent continue to languish in small clubs.
Joe Public doesn't like to pay for things based on 'talent'...Joe Public likes to pay for the "Flavor of the week".

And since Joe Public outweighs all of us, Joe Public (unfortunately) can influence what is popular and what isn't.
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post #7 of 34
9/5/06 at 2:54pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Some no-talent celeb who can’t sign but has gotten plenty of “exposure” (in more ways than one) can marshal all those resources to produce something that sounds half-good, but singers with real talent continue to languish in small clubs.
If a person isn't paying attention, IMO all the loud/incessant/sometimes shady marketing the media companies engage in can convince one that just about anything is worth buying. Like for example constantly repeating in subtle ways that you'll be a more cool and accepted person if you own X product. I.e. consumer propaganda.

anyhoo.............

"'Guerrilla artist' replaces heiress's CDs in shops with doctored versions"

excerpt from above:

Quote:
The secretive artist has smuggled 500 doctored copies of Paris Hilton's debut album into music stores throughout the UK, where they have sold without the shops' knowledge.

In place of Ms Hilton's bubble-gum pop songs, the CDs feature Banksy's own rudimentary compositions. On the cover of the doctored CD, Ms Hilton's dress has been digitally repositioned to reveal her bare breasts; on an inside photo, her head has been replaced with that of her dog.

On the back cover, the original song titles have been replaced with a list of questions: "Why am I famous?", "What have I done?" and "What am I for?"

FYI: "Banksy" has his own website but I just gave it a cursory glance and.......well, you'll have to find it for yourself!
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post #8 of 34
9/6/06 at 10:49am
Thread Starter 

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

In place of Ms Hilton's bubble-gum pop songs, the CDs feature Banksy's own rudimentary compositions. On the cover of the doctored CD, Ms Hilton's dress has been digitally repositioned to reveal her bare breasts; on an inside photo, her head has been replaced with that of her dog.


Hmmmmm so did anyone notice?
Did the dog sue?
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post #9 of 34
9/6/06 at 12:27pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Did the dog sue?
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post #10 of 34
9/6/06 at 8:45pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

I'm trying to figure out the 'effects' of Banksy's gag. As I understand it, he used the same UPC bar code as Paris's actual CD, so anyone picking it up would get checked out normally. If that's the case, in effect the record stores are earning free money on each sale of Banksy's disc, since he sijmply left the CDs on the shelves (presumably on top of Paris's (pun intended...)), they didn't pay for it whilst customers do. Apparently many customers who got the gag discs are happy to keep them too.

Most curious. And a big to Banksy in the first place...

(Hmmm, first time I've ever used any of the new banana smilies...)
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post #11 of 34
9/13/06 at 8:56pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

It ain't my type of music, but STE over at AMG gave it a glowing review.

http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p...ph9kectgq79~T1
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post #12 of 34
9/13/06 at 9:04pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg_S_H
It ain't my type of music, but STE over at AMG gave it a glowing review.

http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=10:5ph9kectgq79~T1
...probably wants to f*** her
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post #13 of 34
9/13/06 at 11:51pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Funny as hell. I hope you don't mind Grant but I shared your link on a gaming site for some laughs there too
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post #14 of 34
9/14/06 at 6:40am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

I dont suppose it is a dualdisc with her honeymoon video on the other side?
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post #15 of 34
9/14/06 at 7:17pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grant B
Forgot to mention the 0 out of 5 rating
One of the greatest put downs I have ever read!

0 out of 5 is too generous! I'm going with -3.69 out of 5.
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post #16 of 34
9/14/06 at 8:18pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

From last Friday's episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien:

All the Paris Hilton DUI Jokes in 1 Minute

I heard when the cops gave Paris the breathalyzer test, they told her to blow and she started sucking!

I heard she got rammed from behind and then she got in her car!

She was driving her favorite car, a Hummer!

She was at the bar all night, sucking down tall boys.

It's a good thing she has experience with penal systems!

She was cited for DWI, driving while inseminated.

Luckily, she made bail, then she made Bill.

She's lucky she didn't crash. One minute she's driving, the next minute, a big white bag is exploding in her face!

She's lucky she didn't find herself wrapped around a pole!
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post #17 of 34
9/14/06 at 9:33pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThomasC
From last Friday's episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien:

All the Paris Hilton DUI Jokes in 1 Minute

I heard when the cops gave Paris the breathalyzer test, they told her to blow and she started sucking!

I heard she got rammed from behind and then she got in her car!

She was driving her favorite car, a Hummer!

She was at the bar all night, sucking down tall boys.

It's a good thing she has experience with penal systems!

She was cited for DWI, driving while inseminated.

Luckily, she made bail, then she made Bill.

She's lucky she didn't crash. One minute she's driving, the next minute, a big white bag is exploding in her face!

She's lucky she didn't find herself wrapped around a pole!

Decent jokes, but 5 will get you 10 that Hilton will be showing up in a few weeks to shoot the shit with Conan.

This is my philosophy: The joke is funny until the object of ridicule is in on it. After that, what's the point?

Sincerely,

John Kilduff...

The great Hollywood back-slapping tradition continues.
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post #18 of 34
9/14/06 at 9:50pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Kilduff
Decent jokes, but 5 will get you 10 that Hilton will be showing up in a few weeks to shoot the shit with Conan.
"5 will get you 10?" Anyways, I don't think Paris will ever be on any late night talk show unless she completely changes her act. She is the joke.
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post #19 of 34
9/14/06 at 10:28pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

The funniest thing I read in her latest saga was her whining about the excessive coverage her DUI elicited, complaining about why was everyone so interested in what she did. Hello? Didn't you build your entire "career" around the public's inexplicable fascination with what you did, no matter how insipid or asinine or personal? (Simple Life, anyone? Never mind THAT video...)

Odd that the attention junkie now complains of too much attention... (I was going to call her something ruder, but discretion prevailed.)
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post #20 of 34
9/15/06 at 6:07am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Best. Review. Ever.
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post #21 of 34
9/15/06 at 2:36pm
Thread Starter 

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Funny as hell. I hope you don't mind Grant but I shared your link on a gaming site for some laughs there too

Wish I wrote it but I didn't and if it prevents one poor soul from wasting their hard earned money on that cd, then my work is done here!
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post #22 of 34
9/21/06 at 12:14pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

I am by no means a Paris Hilton fan, but I would laugh if she winds up a huge music star and in 20 years she still has a career. I mean, who thought Madonna would still be around in 1985? yet she totally silenced all the critics and grew, I am sure it won't happen but you never know, same might happen with Paris Hilton considering everyone is so willing to put her down
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post #23 of 34
9/21/06 at 2:11pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

I enjoyed Paris in the film, Wax Museum. She gets impaled in the forehead, lethally.
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post #24 of 34
9/23/06 at 10:43am
Thread Starter 

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

I would laugh if she winds up a huge music star

I would cry, thank God my hearing is going.
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post #25 of 34
9/23/06 at 11:02am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Grant, after seeing her in the movies, it's easy to predict she won't be a big star, will never have to lug an Oscar home, and most lkely will have a short career based mostly on mammarial appeal.
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post #26 of 34
9/23/06 at 11:33am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael B
Grant, after seeing her in the movies, it's easy to predict she won't be a big star, will never have to lug an Oscar home, and most lkely will have a short career based mostly on mammarial appeal.
Like she really cares

Hell, if I had all that money and time, I'd do whatever I wanted and wouldn't care about the consequences.
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post #27 of 34
9/23/06 at 11:51am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkHastings
Like she really cares

Hell, if I had all that money and time, I'd do whatever I wanted and wouldn't care about the consequences.

What consequences? Money for nothin'...? ...and your _____ for free.... ? What dire straits??? Consequences, indeed.
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post #28 of 34
9/23/06 at 12:02pm

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
What consequences?
I'm not saying you, but I think a lot of people are assuming she's trying to become a pop-star. I doubt it. I can't imagine she'd be all that crushed if she never stepped into a recording studio ever again.
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post #29 of 34
9/24/06 at 8:22am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael B
Grant, after seeing her in the movies, it's easy to predict she won't be a big star, will never have to lug an Oscar home, and most lkely will have a short career based mostly on mammarial appeal.

What mammarial appeal? Paris ain't exactly well-endowed...
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post #30 of 34
9/24/06 at 8:34am

Re: Paris Hilton CD - A great Review!

Who says mammarial has to mean big? Small breasts can have mammarial appeal and with Paris, I wouldn't complain.
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