two questions about fancy restaurants

With your forks, knives, spoons...start on the outside and work in (outside most fork first, etc).

Cash is always accepted, however, $100 bills are a PITA as they are usually viewed with suspicion. I prefer to at least leave the gratuity in cash even when paying the bill with a credit card. If it's a nice place and you get the service you expect, 25% (at least) would be a more appropriate gratuity...IMO.

A nice restaurant will seat you and your server will be the one to lay the napkin in your lap. Silverware should never be placed on the table, always the plate. Silver should be placed crossed on the plate while eating and parallel to the side when finished.

Fine dining is fun. Take your time, enjoy every morsel as if it was going to be your last meal. Once you've finished the experience I guarantee it won't be your last.

Mort

Of course. Cash cannot be refused as a form of payment.



Tipping the maitre'd or hostess is usually not required unless they perform a special service, such as getting you a special table or checking your coat(s) for you. By all means feel free to tip him discreetly, but it is not required for just seating you.



If you have a sommelier, tip him 20% of the cost of the wine (or $5, whichever is more), usually discreetly after he brings the wine or as you see him when you leave. If you really want to impress the lady, ask for a "special dessert for two". Every chef/pastry chef has a special dessert up their sleeves and usually will whip one up. In lieu of that, if the meal is especially good, ask to thank the chef in person. He will do his damndest to get to your table and make you look like a pro, feel free to fawn over him, mentioning your favorite dish(es).

P.S. I agree with Mort, I'll tip 20% minimum, but if the food and service is superb, I have gone as high as 35%. For example, I had an exquisite meal at Blue Ginger in Wellesley MA (owned by Food Network Chef Ming Sai). One of the best meals of my life and Ming even came out to greet us without asking. I think we spent $300 and tipped $100, the experience was that good.

One other thing (fine dining is one of my favorite things and it's cool when people experience it for the first time), it would do you well to familiarize yourself with the menu beforehand. Often the establishment will have a website with at least a partial menu. This will save you a little discomfort if the menu is at all difficult to read or understand. Feel free to ask the server details about any dish that sounds interesting. Try at least one unusual dish, within (or just outside) your usual palate. Don't just stick with the stuff you absolutely know, there is no fun in that. I'm not talking sweetbreads or rocky mountain oysters, but maybe try escargot or carpaccio or a tuna or beef tartar, a game bird or beast (pheasant, boar, venison) or maybe even foie gras, you won't regret it. Food is meant to be experienced and enjoyed, like an adventure, so be adventurous!.

Yes. This is a good way to tip everybody. It prevents their underlings/coworkers from bad feelings because they didn't see the tip and wont feel left-out.


On a similar note, if you're unfamiliar with the food or even the language of the menu (Traveling abroad/went to chinatown/never ate sushi/are being held captive by hungarians) just ask the server for "What the chef recommends". This makes the chef feel important because he/she thinks they have a reputation, and whatever they're good at probably isn't too scary.

This is also how you order wine, since wine labels are a cross between a foriegn language and college math. (Except its what the sommelier recommends)

Then, when the waiter brings the escargot, make a big scene exclaiming "there are snails on her plate"!

...sorry, I just had to add something from Steve Martin's The Jerk here. Please resume your much more intelligent conversation.

Just don't pay with $2 bills.

- Colton

I don't know. I went to a late night place in NYC on the recommendation of a chef friend and the chef's signature dish was marrow bones in a veal reduction sauce. Scary to many. They were excellent to me, but I'll eat anything but lima beans and liver. Check that, I'll eat liver if it is smothered in bacon and onions...and they take away the liver just before serving.

This makes me realize I've never eaten at high class restaurant, though I've definitely had my share of unusual cuisine. Growing up Asian will do that to ya

The maitre'd or seater will allow you to help her, if he/she is worth their salt. He'll probably sweep his hand at the table and ask you to be seated. You can then guide the lady (with a hand, softly on her back) over to her chair. Once there, just pull it out with both hands, offer to take her coat or wrap and let her be seated.

Relax Benny...it ain't a race A good waiter should seat the lady. You're just there to provide the company and money.

Mort

Don't forget to gently smack her on the ass before she sits.

Ladies like that in fancy restaurants.

--
H

Preferably, just as she is sitting, pull the chair briskly away from the table. Voila! Ker-Plop!!, as her backside hits the floor! This will get your evening off to a good start.

Maybe you better let the maitre d' do it.

I usually save that for when she returns from the rest room. I figure I've eaten enough by then, so if she is offended and asks me to take her home, I got my money's worth (not to mention I can doggie bag her share).

There's nothing better than a great meal after looking forward to it! My best advice: slap a smile on your face, relax, and allow yourself to be served.

And do not feel the need to present yourself as an expert; rather, you're an explorer in a new domain. A good waitstaff should be very knowledgable about all aspects of the cuisine (except maybe the wine - there may be a separate sommelier), and you are meant to take advantage of their expertise. You may know exactly what you want, but be inclined to ask for a recommendation if not. The waitstaff will be flattered and will certainly want to recommend something that pleases you (or warn you off an item that's proven less than spectacular).

If the staff is good, the service will be very discreet, but there will be a good deal more activity involving the food presentation. Simply sit back, put your hands in your lap and observe or carry on your conversation around it. Don't try to "help" place items on the table or hand-off used dishware. Let it all be placed/removed by the staff.

If you ordered wine, they'll present the bottle to you just to confirm that it's what you ordered and pour a small amount for you to taste. No need for elaborate swishing or pronunciations of greatness; you're really only making sure the wine hasn't "corked" (in which case it will taste like rancid vinegar). Just swish it down and nod. If even this makes you uncomfortable, then order by the glass. This'll give you a chance to try different wines (and alternate red to white depending on the course), and will also make it more likely than not that you're glass will be poured from a previously opened bottle that someone else has confirmed hasn't gone "off".

And just linger over the details. Enjoy every bite. Don't rush, don't hurry. Make your wife and the conversation the point of the meal, rather than the individual courses. The only way you won't have fun is if you don't relax!

If you're paying cash with $100's and $50s, that shouldn't be a problem in a fancy place. Just keep some smaller bills for tips etc. (ie Valet, coat check).

Probably don't need to tip the maitre d or host unless something special is done. If you're in Vegas, one reccomendation I saw on maitre d tipping is to use a high dollar casino chip, keep in mind that most others outside the casino proper can't take these as money though.

Definitely no need to tip the maitre d' or hostess ... unless she's smokin' hot ... or did something above and beyond the call of duty (e.g., got you in w/o reservations, etc.)

Also, much as people have said that it's important to reward good service with a good tip (17+%), you should also feel free to reward bad service with a bad tip 5%-10%. I had a terrible meal at Chanterelle in NYC one night and tipped 5%.

Jeff and Rich in particular offer sound advice. Sit back and enjoy yourself. I save the pats on the ass for desert.

I lived in Lansing in what now seems another life and I assume that the 'better' restuarants are now indeed, better.

If it takes two hands, you won't need the meal to impress your date.

Bruce

Heh, I wonder how many people got that??

Heh, heh...hopefully BB doesn't enter into the high-end restaurant domain.

Glad the OP brought up this topic. I've never been to an ultra, high-end restaurant. I'd like to take my wife to Charlie Trotter's in Chicago for our 10th next year, her dream restaurant. Or perhaps Tru.

But I'm somewhat intimidated by dining at either place. Haven't a clue about how much to tip (I've always tipped 20% at normal places when I was pleased with the service). Wasn't sure whether this is considered gauche for a connoisseur's delight like CT or Tru.

So it sounds like I should tip about 25-30% and also tip the sommelier about 20% too? General consensus?

20% is the usual for good service. The thing is, merely "good" service is not what you get at these types of places. You typically get "pampered to your heart's delight" at a high end place. Often it is so good, you do not even notice it. Things I have noticed at fine dining establishments:

- Instead of one server bringing out the food, they have a server for each plate and they simultaneously place it in front of each diner.

- A diner can be engaged in conversation and look up to see that his/her water or wine glass has been filled, but they didn't even see it happen.

- Leave to use the restroom and come back to find your napkin folded and tented on your seat, again without being seen.

- The server is able to tell you every ingredient in a dish and the exact preparation technique.

- Crumbs are swept away (into a miniature dustpan) and soiled linens are replaced between courses.

- Often the meal is served with an intermezzo (sherbert or sorbet to "cleanse the palate") in between courses and/or an amuse bouche (to wake up the palate) to start. These are usually not on the menu and a pleasant addition to the meal. Had an amuse bouche at a resort in Lake Placid this year that was as good as any dish on the menu and it was just a simple leek soup served in a small ramekin.

- The wine is served in a perfect glass for the type, (i.e a balloon for strong reds), not just a generic wine glass. If you switch wines (even to the same type/color), they supply new glasses of a (possibly) different type to match the wine.

- The server goes out of their way to be attentive, but not invasive; available, yet not hovering; suggestive, but not pushy. They also go out of their way to make the guest look good, often skillfully covering up for any lack of knowledge the diner may have.

- I have had drinks or dessert comp'ed by the server for as small a mistake as getting a drink order wrong or having some piddling ingredient wrong when describing a dish. This is without asking and no complaining, just making it known for their benefit.

This is just a partial list.

Thank you Jeff. I've often seen Ming Tsai shows on both PBS & Food Channel and he appears very enthusiastic and passionate about his work. Good to hear that you enjoyed your meal that much.

Often wondered whether these celebrity chefs are worth their salt.

As an aside, my wife's passion is cooking - bought her a Kyocera Ming Tsai signature ceramic chef's knife on her birthday long ago. Bleeding edge (actually, the duller the knife, the more dangerous).

I had to look it up Benny, the menu looks heavenly. Just my choices would be:

1st course
Carpaccio of sea bass drizzled with Sicilian olive oil lemon zest and threads of green onion (never had sea bass carpaccio, I imagine it's great)

2nd course
Ridged pasta with foie gras, scented with black truffles

-or-

Succulent ragu’ of duck tossed with garganelli

Main course
Herb roasted loin of veal, deglazed with red wine in its own sauce of guanciale, porcini mushrooms and pearl onions

Dessert
Coconut roasted pineapple napoleon passion fruit sauce, basil syrup

-or-

House made vanilla gelato with aged “Balsamico Tradizionale” di Modena (just to taste gelato with good aged balsamic, yummm)

I envy you, Bon appetit!

The local food critic show, "The Phantom Gourmet" ranked it number 1 outside of Boston and in the top 3 in New England last year. The food is that good. It is not as high scale as some when it comes to service (a bit more casual, but just a bit) but the food is as good or better than I've had anywhere in the world.

Pick out the wines for your choices, Jeff.

I'm always surprised by how many closet connoisseurs reside on this board. Although given the propensity to pursue their passions evident by the fact that by merely being a member here probably gains automatic entry into 'damn the torpedos' status with respect to interests...guess it's not too surprising after all.

Great choices, Jeff. I've always wanted to try real, tradizionale balsamico (gold seal preferable). And the ridged pasta would also be my first choice, but since I'm from MN, the Carnaroli risotto with braised morel mushrooms and snap peas sounds just my style.

Lew, we're closing ground with every bite!