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Anyone else really hate Valentines Day?

post #1 of 305
2/10/05 at 9:37pm
Thread Starter 
I can't be alone in this.

For those who aren't in a relationship with anyone, February 14th is potentially the most nausiating day of the year!

Everyone I know, besides me of course, has someone in their life who loves them, and all week i've been listening to them talk about what they're getting their girlfriends or boyfriends on V-Day (sounds just like D-Day doesn't it?) and I just can't take it, although I do manage to hold it all in because they're my freinds.

I used to give my mother a card and flowers on V-Day, but she passed away last Feb, so I don't even have that anymore. IMO, this is the worst "exclusive" holiday there is, and it doesn't care who it hurts.

As long as the greeting card companies can sell millions of meaningless pieces of paper with sayings written on them that were written with about as much love and thoughtful feelings as Drago had for Rocky in Rocky IV.

Sorry for the rant my friends, but I have to let it out somewhere and know that others feel the same way, or at least a little. Maybe it's because I really like someone who likes someone else, or because my mom is on my brain at this time of year, but I just feel really hostile towards this holiday.

But don't worry, i'm fine, really, at least I will be after Feb 14th.
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post #2 of 305
2/10/05 at 9:54pm
No, you are not alone I hate February 14 and the aledged holiday that falls on that date more than any other day of the year.

Truth is that even while I was in relationships I wasn't really that fond of the exercise, I don't want a specific date on the calendar where I feel obligated to be romantic...why just treat someone special on that particular date? That was always my thought, but yeah it royally sucks when you are single.

Having to hear about how happy everyone is with their relationship, even if in some cases they spend the rest of the year bitching about it.
They don't even know that they make us feel like total losers for not being in a relationship its just a painful side effect.
I can't think of any other holiday that makes a good segment of the population feel as bad as this one does. I don't know what I'll do to try and avoid everything that day, but chances are real good I won't be in a good mood from 11:59 Feb. 13, until 12:01 February 15. I assure you I have more hatred for this day than even my post would suggest.
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post #3 of 305
2/10/05 at 10:01pm
I once went on a first date on Valentine's Day. We went to the "Anti-Valentine's Day Bash" at a local club. Had a great time.

I really don't like this hallmark day and going into it alone just makes it that much worse. I think I've only gone into while in a relationship once, and we happened to be fighting that week anyway. :b
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post #4 of 305
2/10/05 at 10:06pm
Thread Starter 
Yes! Casey, you nailed it! I second every last word in your post.

That is, unfortunatly, one of the bad things about having friends who are in relationships, in your life.

You sometimes want what they have so badly with someone of your own, that sometimes you just feel like your going to explode, and this holiday is like pouring salt or lemon juice on an open cut. What really sucks is, most people don't even realize how good they've got it.

One can have the biggest home theater, the largest DVD collection and a decent enough job, but sometimes it just isn't enough, it really isn't enough.
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post #5 of 305
2/10/05 at 10:24pm
Is this a thread for bitter, single guys? Actually, I'm married and, to both me and my wife, Valentine's Day is basically a holiday made up by retailers. With the price of a dozen roses going for 50 bucks and more, it just gets more ridiculous every year. We don't celebrate Valentines Day with a bunch of gifts I get her a card, she gets me a card, usually at Big Lots! This "holiday" is just another excuse to spend money on expensive crap; love has nothing to do with it. My wife and I love each other and tell each other that every day. We don't need a "holiday" to express it. BTW Guys - Remember the "Grass is always greener on the other side." Marriage ain't always all that it's cracked up to be. After 13 years of marriage, if I was to get divorced right now, I doubt I would do it again. I'm happy in my marriage, but if it ever ended, my attitude would be "been there, done that." When you are alone, it always seems that the guys with the "relationship" are in a better place than you; that ain't necessarily so. There is a difference between being "alone" and being "lonely." One word of advice I always give my single "miserable" friends, male or female, is that the someone you are looking for always appears when you least expect it. Don't go looking for love, it rarely gets found. I have found that "relationships" just happen.
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post #6 of 305
2/10/05 at 11:02pm
Chuck- Even I've tried that advice with very LITTLE to NO success. I'm 25 and I've NEVER ONCE received a valentine from any girl outside my family. How's that for sad? And yet, I treat women very well (unless they've thrown so much BS my way I'm no longer tolerant of it) but they never seem to give a rat's arse. Even when I lost a LOT of weight and got down to 194 (with myself on top of the world with confidence -- which some SAY is SUPPOSED to get you girls -- it didn't for me) it didn't make one darn bit of difference.

So I figure now at 248 again -- why the heck should I even bother?! I've tried just about everything short of getting rich. And I've seen far fatter guys with very decent-looking girlfriends.

Valentine's Day can rot in hell for all I care.

I'm sorry if I seem bitter, but with the horrible treatment (can anyone say completely ignoring me except for small talk?) I've gotten from women any other guy would be too. It's not like I'm a nerd or a geek -- when I lived in my own apartment I had parties all the time with friends and girls over. But the girls never went for *me*. And I'm not desperate, either -- I've had sex and I'm not in it just for that.
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post #7 of 305
2/11/05 at 12:44am
Sorry to play devil's advocate but all my friends are getting married up. One just called a couple days ago and says they're now separated. Another lives in Kansas because his wife's family is there and she doesn't want to move. Another lives close to me but he's always working to support his family and it's hard to hang out w/ him.

I'm single and lovin it. I mean how else am I supposed to build up my D&D characters' experience points if I'm wasting the weekends going on dates.

"You can't leave, I have hand!" "And you're going to be needing it!"
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post #8 of 305
2/11/05 at 1:18am
The bottom line is guys, you gotta be happy within yourself before you can be happy with someone else. After I broke up with my first fiancee (she got into drugs), I was single for almost 5 years. But to tell you the truth, I didn't care; I was alone, not lonely. I was in a rock band, working all the time (I owned a dry cleaning business) and I got involved deeply in my community. I joined the local Chamber of Commerce (eventually becoming President), got involved in city activities and met a lot of people, especially women. However, I never dated any of the women I met at these events. One day my band was playing a party at a friends house and two women walked in. One of them eventually became my wife. Was I looking for a relationship? NO, it just happened. One of the problems I have seen my single friends do time and time again is that they set their sights way too high. I have to laugh because some of them are holding out for a supermodel type and won't give regular women a chance. If you're fat, then try dating a fat lady, she may be really nice and pretty. All I am saying is quit your whining and get on with life, there's more to life than living for someone else. Live for yourself, get to know yourself, get to LIKE yourself. The rest will follow, you'll see; don't just sit on the couch and play "woe is me" get out in the world and do something worthwhile. You'll be surprised at what's out there.
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post #9 of 305
2/11/05 at 1:43am
Chuck- I am! That's why I'm working on finally completing my college degree. Who knows? I may even meet someone in my classes
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post #10 of 305
2/11/05 at 4:29am
Thread Starter 
Chuck,
I am VERY happy and comfortable with myself, very much in fact about 95% of the time, however I just get these periods of extreme lonliness that usually pass quickly. This is natural, I think. I have pretty much the same problem with girls that Brian has, only I am very thin, but mine is pretty much the same story as his is, girls just don't go for me.

What's really irritaing is that all of our lives were told by our peers "it's not what you look like, it's what's inside that counts", that statement could not be more full of complete and utter shit if it tried! If that were true, I would have more women and get laid more often than Colin Farrel accidentally locked into an all girls dormatory over night. They also tell us that humor is a major turn on for girls, again, it's bullshit, i'm one of the funniest guys I know, or so i've been told, so where are the women?

Even the nice ones primarily look on the outside first, their just seems to be no window to get into so to speak, I don't know. All I do know is i've come to really resent and despise Feb 14th because, yes, I do get lonely sometimes, and when I do it's usually very intense for a short while before I get over it and move on until the next bout of lonliness sets in.

Perhaps it's my life style, i'm 32, have never been in a serious relationship and still collect action figures (one of my hobbies), so I think that people generally look upon me as being a little immature. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if some of my freinds saw me that way as well, which i'm not I can assure you. I take care of adult business, bills etc, I just have this undying 10 year old inside me that remembers my childhood and hangs onto those young thoughts and feelings for dear life and refuses to grow up, and you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way to be honest with you.

Now, having said all of that, though, i've seen people that I know get into relationships that go bad and it leaves them in incredible pain, I feel very fortunate that i've never been through that and I really don't want to either. All of my female friends keep telling me they almost envy me because I haven't had the displeasure of experiencing heartbreak as they have and that it really isn't worth it all that much.

This way of looking at the whole issue is very significant because it keeps me grounded, not to mention SANE, and when I start to think about that, I say to myself "yeah, perhaps I am better off being single without all of the headache and complications" and it snaps me out of it rather quickly and i'm me again, happy, girl crazy and quite content with "hand".

I'm sorry for pouring all of this on strangers, essentially, but I just wanted to express where I stand. Bottom line, happy 95% of the time, lonely and depressed the rest, and if being a little unhappy is required for me to remain happy, so be it.

Still though, down with Feb 14th!
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post #11 of 305
2/11/05 at 6:23am
Valentine's Day? What's that?

I feel your pain John......I get more bitter the closer that day gets right to the point that I just want to scream. I usually try to deny the day's very existence (I don't send out V-cards, period), but it's almost impossible.....you see it on TV, in the newspapers and in public shows of affection.

Usually, I manage to get through it relatively trauma-free....but this year is going to hurt. I've been attracted to this woman (blonde, gorgeous, could have been a model) at work and have been making attempts to chat her up for the past month.....but it doesn't appear to be working at all. Oh, she talks to me at work when I approach her...but it just hasn't gone beyond that (go out for lunches or hang out after work, etc.). Add that I have to work there....I don't want to push or else it could have obvious consequences.

Now I have to deal with Valentines Day.....and it's on a Monday too. Double whammy. Talk about kicking a guy when he's already down.
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post #12 of 305
2/11/05 at 7:11am
Valtentines Day?

Idiotic. (spits)
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post #13 of 305
2/11/05 at 7:23am
Some of the anti-V-Day complaints are contradictory.

1. Valentine's Day is a stupid meaningless marketing holiday.
2. I don't have a girlfriend and so I'm miserable on V-day.

If you really feel V-day is silly, than you should feel no different on Feb 14 than you do on any other day of the year.

Since I do feel that way, and I've spent many a V-day alone, it never bothered me. I usually tend to date during the spring and summer anyway, since it's mating season.
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post #14 of 305
2/11/05 at 7:39am
The wife is out of town through Valentines Day. She'll get nothing and like it. Which really isn't much different than if she were here.

I hate hearing people say Valentimes Day.
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post #15 of 305
2/11/05 at 7:55am
What a difference a few years makes. I used to bemoan the fact that I didn't have a sweetheart, and how Valentine's day emphasized the fact. I would never blame people for their marketing efforts, though. Attitudes within individuals are what count. Now that I'm happily married, I love the fact that my wife and me can show our appreciation for each other on that special day. One of the wonderful things about my wife is that she's immune to the whole "if you love me, you have to shell out big bucks" concept.

It's very ironic as I read all the "woe is me, I can't find anyone" comments from the single guys, because I used to feel the same way.
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post #16 of 305
2/11/05 at 8:20am
Quote:
"woe is me, I can't find anyone"


Why in the world would anyone need to "find someone?" What does that mean? What does it say about an individual?


I'm single, and this is far from the way I feel. . I don't hate Valentine's Day, and actually find all the anxiety that people go through pretty humorous(like other holidays). The radio and t.v. commercials are a riot. "Show how much you care...and buy her this big-ass rock...." or how about the "gangster of love teddy-bear?"

You know, you don't have "to have" anyone. And if you're single, you don't have any kind of disease or anything, despite what your friends, family and the rest of society says.

It's not mandatory to pro-create!
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post #17 of 305
2/11/05 at 8:21am
John, if you're forming the HTF Lonely Hearts Club then I'll volunteer to be the treasurer. Our secret handshake will be to stand in the corner by ourselves and make fleeting eye contact with others in the room.

I'm a year older than you, but my life is much the same. I've always been able to tolerate being alone blissfully except when I'm reminded of it by holiday sentiment. Christmas parties, the clock striking midnight on New Year's eve, and most especially the two weeks leading up to Valentine's day are constant reminders that you ain't got nobody. It's a bad season, especially when you combine it with shortened days and the gloomy weather.

The strange thing is nobody ever has any decent advice for curing this loneliness problem. I'm always told that these sort of things just happen when you don't expect it. After fifteen years of not expecting anything, you'd think that my turn would roll around some time. Others say that you just need to get out there. That's easier said than done for someone who doesn't smoke, drink, dance, worship, or volunteer. All of my hobbies attract mass quantities of other lonely, white males. It's a sausage fest wherever I go, and I won't fake interest in something for the sake of meeting new people - ruling out church and 99% of the local political scene. I've begun to think that I should just wear a t-shirt that says "Available. Please talk to me." since I must put out some kind of unapproachable vibe. I won't begrudge the coupled their little holiday, but I'd appreciate it much more if it didn't feel so damned exclusive. I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?

Solidarity in being solitary, my brother!

Brad
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post #18 of 305
2/11/05 at 8:32am
Quote:
someone who doesn't smoke, drink, dance, worship, or volunteer.
I smile yet again as I see someone describing me.
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post #19 of 305
2/11/05 at 8:48am
I don't like Valentine's Day, much more so when I'm in a realtionship than when I was out. When not in one, I just ignored the day and made sure to not go out to eat that night, otherwise I didn't really care.

But when in a relationship, Valentine's Day should be called "Prove your Love with Money Day", it's such a scam. The onus is squarely on the guy to take the girl somewhere, buy her stuff, whatever she wants. That's fine, but it's not like us guys get a "Porn-n-beer Day" all to ourselves.

I'll buy the flowers and do the dance again this year, but come on. We''ve got 2 kids, a house, 2 dogs, 2 cats, I supported her while she started her biz from scratch. I love her already! Why do I need a card to top it off?
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post #20 of 305
2/11/05 at 8:53am
Quote:
I don't want a specific date on the calendar where I feel obligated to be romantic





My thoughts exactly. The thing is that when I was in a relationship my Girlfriend expected something "BIG" and if I didnt meet up to her expectations then I would hear about it many days after. Lets just say I am no longer with her. I just started seeing someone and she could care less about Valintines day.............THANK GOD
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post #21 of 305
2/11/05 at 8:56am
>" That's easier said than done for someone who doesn't smoke, drink, dance, worship, or volunteer."

Um. I offer this gently: you are surprised you aren't meeting anyone? I mean, do you actually leave the house and do things, other than buy groceries/carryout?


>"All of my hobbies attract mass quantities of other lonely, white males."

What might they be, those hobbies? HT/audio? Why not teach a class on it at the Community College: HT for Women. A lot of single women are intimidated by the whole HT buying experience: they have the $$ but not the knowledge or patience to research this stuff.

You like firearms? Then become a certified instructor for women's defense.

I mean, heck, all it takes is some creativity to meet single people who share your interests. But it is not *entirely without effort.* And there is nothing wrong with expending effort. Going to bars is effort to meet people. Why is that more acceptable than teaching or taking a class? Take a dam cooking class. You have to eat, right. Cooking classes are filled with women.

Be creative, guys.
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post #22 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:03am
Quote:
We''ve got 2 kids, a house, 2 dogs, 2 cats, I supported her while she started her biz from scratch. I love her already! Why do I need a card to top it off?
Well said!

Thankfully, my wife doesn't hold much stock in Valentines day. You should treat your loved one with just as much love every day of the year.
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post #23 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:09am
Celebrate Quirkyalone Day instead!

http://quirkyalone.net/qa/iqd.php

I'm like John. I'm fine with being single the majority of the time and have my moments of loneliness, like everyone single AND attached. I've done a variety of things to meet women and have met some interesting ones but none who have truly caught my attention or imagination. I suppose some people perceive me as "hiding out" since I'm not actively searching for someone now, but it's really that I'm living my life. I enjoy the company of my friends, even though the majority of them are attached. I envy them sometimes, but most of the time I feel happy for them because it seems like they are the minority if you look at the statistics.

As far as V-Day, it's a blip on the radar. It may bug me, but it's only momentary as I pass by the red and pink displays to the DVD section of the store . I imagine this year, like others, I will just go about my day, remember "Oh yeah, it's Valentines Day." and then remember, "Ooh, tomorrow I get to buy the final season of Angel on DVD! I can't wait!"
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post #24 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:15am
I agree with those who hate this holiday. I know "love" can mean more than just a "realationship" (i.e. like your love for your parents), but the holiday has definitely been taken over by the "realationship" people. It truly is nauseating to those not in relationships.

I mean, why not make holidays where we celebrate "walking" and make those (in wheelchairs) feel bad.

Why not celebrate "Sight Day" and make blind people feel bad.

Why not celebrate "Money" day and rub it in the faces of the poor and homeless.

You see where I'm going with this.
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post #25 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:24am
This may be a shocker for some of you...

I broke up with my last girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

Actually, we knew it wasn't working out, but I was the one who took the initiative. It just happened to be Feb. 14. That's all.

But I may be thinking of getting into a new relationship in the future. I recently purchased an electric guitar and have heard they're great "chick magnets" -- as long as you know how to play the darn thing.

As for Valentine's Day itself, of course it was created in order to sell more crap! Christmas wasn't originally a crap-gathering festival until the arrival of the 20th century. But Valentine's Day seems to have been invented specifically for this! It just drives me nuts!
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post #26 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:41am
"Hate" is not a strong enough word.

Disdain. Abominate. Despise. Disgust. Loathe. Execrate. Abhor.

Find this Saint Valentine and kill him. But slowly.

MC
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post #27 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:48am
Guys, guys, listen to Elinor!!! What, you think that that special someone is gonna come looking for ya?

Quote:
That's easier said than done for someone who doesn't smoke, drink, dance, worship, or volunteer

So what do you guys do. You can only play D&D for so long!

I shudder to think what you guys do do. I once had a friend who was in your boat, no girl friend and he was always moaning about it. Well, basically his life consisted of getting up, going to work/school, coming home, popping a drink of some kind (usually a brewski) and sitting around with his equally lonely buddies listening to music or watching TV; night after night after........ you get the picture. According to the quote above, there ain't much left is there?
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post #28 of 305
2/11/05 at 9:52am
I think some of you are missing the point.

For me, its not a matter of I want to be in a relationship so bad that's why Feb. 14 sucks. My last relationship was so bad for me that I came pretty damn close to swearing off women for good. So, I don't feel like I have to be in a relationship.

Its more like this. Its like once a year, a new joke is told and only a certain percentage of the population get the joke. They find the joke to be funny and laugh it up and those people that heard the joke but don't get it are just left to stand and feel like an idiot.

It is the in-your-face mentality that comes with the day, and it may not be from individuals in your life...but its what you see on TV, hear on the radio, and see in the stores.

If you love being in a relationship that's fine and wonderful but you should express that love all year-round which would negate the need for some sort of special make-up day.

I am so glad that even a lot of people married or that have significant others know what we're talking about.
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post #29 of 305
2/11/05 at 10:00am
I am currently single, but have a girl interested in me that I feel the same way about. I still hate Valentine's Day and the thought makes me wanna vomit.
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post #30 of 305
2/11/05 at 10:03am
I don't recommend that. You'll still hate V. Day AND you'll have a bad taste in your mouth.
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