“But I think we pulled it off” and other DVD audio commentary inanities - Page 4

One director with a gift for verbal slight-of-hand is Elias Merhige, who’s high-minded blather on Shadow of the Vampire can fool even the most seasoned commentary track buff into thinking he’s saying something important. Almost. He speaks with the hushed reverance of the most high-brow critics, but it takes no time at all before he starts drooling praise over virtually everyone in the cast in the crew as “absolutely, wonderful, wonderful” people. His commentary quickly devolves into subtle narration in which he points out the most obvious of thematic elements as though his film might be too deep for us to fully appreciate. Puhh-leeeease! I loved the film, don’t get me wrong, but it was really just a glorified genre picture with a neat twist on established events. Original, kinda, but hardly worthy the awe with which Merhige wants us to view it. Not the worst comentary I’ve ever heard, if only because it SOUNDS more pretentious and deep than it really is, but it’ll never be heard again.

I did learn, however, that his name is pronounced like “marriage.”

I have to share Stas T's opinion that if filmmakers don't have anything worthwhile to say, or aren't particularly known for saying worthwhile things when they DO speak, then they shouldn't be asked to do commentary tracks in the first place. We don't ask for it. The studios ask for it. Or the filmmakers themselves, sometimes, but that doesn't usually mean its the right decision. As Hans M states, commentaries, even bad ones, are simply supplemental features and we can take from them what we will, but far too often the digital medium (and the need to fill it with "extras") results in very mediocre ramblings that we, the audience, did not necessarily ask for yet will, by our very nature as cinemaphiles and completists, listen to simply for the benefit of the doubt. This mentality is what turned LD's into the first true home video "collector's" format and is what primarily justifies (at least to the studios) the inclusion of just so much junk on their discs. But when the amount time wasted hugely outweighs the amount of time enjoyed, it clearly points to a need to reign some of these people in so they don't become repeat offenders (like Tim Burton: if the man doesn't seem comfortable expounding on his "vision" because it's all up on the screen, don't put it in his contract!). Obviously, there are cases where just about ANYONE knows when to avoid commentaries, particularly on newer, lightweight boxoffice underperformers like Cabin Fever, where one commentary seems to be all you need and the others are just excruciating excuses for actors and crew members to make a little extra green.

As an aside, here's Michelle Rodriguez from the Resident Evil commentary:

"Oohhh, twat shot!"

Style, baby, real style.

I'd knock a bunch of 'em out of the park if they were my movies. That's just the kind of guy I am! BUT, I'd insist my contract allow me to review my commentary at least twice before allowing it to go on the disc. I might even run it by some objective relation outside the industry immediately afterwards, so as not to tie up production too long. If it wasn't up to my usual standards, or I just felt I wasn't articulate enough, or if I felt it deathly paled in comparison to some of the best commentaries to which I've listened, I wouldn't allow them to release it. Then again, I guess since I'd obviously be a filmmaker coming from the ranks of cinephiles, I'd have all these crappy commentaries I listened to inspiring me to do something better. My advantage, I suppose.

Hell I could probably record better commentaries NOW for some films than the people who made them. Whoa, is my hubris showing? :b

Just thought of ANOTHER thing that reeeeallly friggin' annoys me about commentaries, and I don't think it's been mentioned yet in this thread.

Commentaries recorded before the movie has played theatrically are irritating. And one can easily tell when they've done this because they make no reference to box-office performance, audience reaction, critical reaction, the old chestnut about sitting at the back of test screenings, etc. These tracks have the benefit of the freshest hindsight imaginable, but the participants are rarely able to place anything in context as the material is simply TOO fresh in their minds. Most of the time, they can't even formulate a bigger picture about what they've done because they're usually still in post-production when they record their tracks!

In fact, I remember at least two tracks (but not the films, unfortunately), where the participant(s) casually tell you what the date is at the beginning of the track, and in both cases it was several weeks or months before the theatrical release. Both tracks, if I recall correctly, had some technical tidbits, but for the most part were rather lumpen blobs of generalization and burbling praise. I think in one case, the film ultimately went tits up at the BO, but you'd never have guessed from the commentary (not that filmmakers would admit to that even if they DID know it before they recorded the track!) because the director seemed quite pleased with the fruits of his labours. Now if I could just remember the titles...

Are you sure they're not paid? I can't see any top-line Hollywood talent doing ANYTHING for free. I've long thought they were paid to do these things, even if it's rolled into their salaries. I'm sure even when smaller companies like Blue Underground and Anchor Bay dig up some old exploitation director or actor to record a commentary they probably pay them something for their efforts, even if it isn't very much. I'd imagine the big names get some kind of larger, perhaps predefined fee.

No way they're doin' it gratis...