Well after a virtual whirlwind of voting and back-and-forth battling, Bab's Demonic Orgy gets the one vote victory.
On the round 2.
OPC Productions presents a John Frankenheimer film
THE HOME LIFE OF AN ADVENTURER
It's 1969, and former Navy Seal Frederick Magnuson (Alan Swann, "My Favorite Year") is living a civilian's life with his loving but Women's Libber wife Laura (Mrs. Robinson, "The Graduate") and his aspiring scientist son William (Marty McFly, "Back To The Future") in Los Angeles, California. One day, while working on a flying contraption, William is seized by a trio of Manson-family style Y/Hippies. The man of the group is Lazarus Ingraham (Pumkin, "Pulp Fiction") and his two free-loving wives are named Lisa and Wendy (played by Thelma and Louise from the movie of the same name). William has been kidnapped because the Ingrahams need his mechanical expertise to build an airplane to get them into Seaside Federal Bank for a terrorist attack. Now, Frederick, with the assistance of Laura and William's friend Stevie (Jay Phat Buds, the Jersey "Trilogy") will use all of his Navy Seal training to get back his son.
You'll never settle down when you have...
THE HOME LIFE OF AN ADVENTURER
An exciting new movie from the producers of "New Jersey Dust" and the Oscar-winning "Dancing Through Time".
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VERSUS
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The Following preview is intended for Mature audiences only
(Screen is black. Super-smooth, velvet-voiced, voice-over guy comes to life.)
This summer, Hardcore Forrest Branch Pictures invites you to experience true love for the first time all over again
(The screen comes alive with a beautiful scene of a Dutch country-side brimming with flowers, shrubs, and pristine, blue waters. Slowly, a couple emerges, holding hands.)
Their love was real, pure, and brilliant.
(The couple can now be seen clearly. It is Rick [Tom Hanks from Bachelor Party fame], and Ariel [The Little Mermaid]. They look deep and longingly into each other’s eyes.)
But her beauty and homemade pastries were admired by many.
(The scene is of Rick and Ariel’s small house where they have a small table with a few pastries upon it for sale. An old lady has just made a purchase. “You should get the word out on your pastries. They are so delicious. The screen cuts to the inside of a billiards hall where the owner, Pepe Le Pew, stands talking with his trusted friend/henchman, Leonard ("Warthog from Hell") Smalls. “I must have her. She is so fine, so beautiful, that red hair, and those perfect, seashell-sized breasts of hers. And I hear she has the tastiest, sweetest pie in town. She will be mine! I will taste her pie!”)
Then one day, tragedy struck their world
(Axel Foley [busted down all the way to crappy, bad-news-giver cop] comes to Ariel’s house. “I’m sorry [he says in that best friend is in a coma voice] to have to tell you this, but Rick got caught under a falling avalanche on his way home today.”
“But there are no mountains around.”
“Yes, very strange, I know.”)
Her world was thrown up-side down, and her heart was broken. And some knew more than they should.
(The scene opens on Sgr. Stedenko (Up In Smoke) sitting in his office on the phone. “I won’t be able to keep quiet anymore. My conscience won’t allow it. What’s that? You won’t give me anymore? But the evidence room is completely cleared out. Well, if you can get it here within the next two hours, my conscience may just get amnesia.” He pulls out a super bong, and releases his guilt.)
And some times marriages of convenience take the place of marriages of the heart.
(Cut to Pepe Le Pew talking with Ariel. “Please, be with me. I have a dream. A dream where people can play pool, and enjoy fresh pastries at the same time. With you, I can make that dream a reality.”
“Just as long as you know, business is all it is. After Rick, I’ll never love again. And I’ll have to bring my oven with me. All the love I had for Rick, I put into that oven. It is the secret behind my pastries.”)
And as the first ever pastry pool hall grew in success, so did her feelings for him.
(Cut to a scene of Pepe and Ariel looking deeply at each other. Pepe has pool cue in hand, and Ariel with a puff of flour on her cheek. They slowly lean in and kiss.)
But then all her earlier wishes are granted.
(Cut to a scene of Rick swaggering down a trail. And from there, cut to a scene of Rick and Ariel together. “I thought you were dead.”
“My love for you, and my own feces, was able to keep me alive for these last three years.”)
Now she must choose between her business and budding love, and the deep love she labored so hard to forget.
(Cut to a scene of Ariel weeping. “What do I do now? The only thing that makes any sense anymore, is making my wonderful pastries.”)
Will she choose her new partner/lover with his deviant French sexual desires and his dark side, or her pure, first love and his new fecal desires? Perhaps the answers lie within :
The Dutch Oven
directed by Steve Guttenberg
