Your favorite SEINFELD line - Page 2

"The sea was angry that day, my friends - Like an old man trying to return soup at a deli."

"...my friend Bob Sakamano..."

- every other episode

Elaine: He's like a Sven-Jolly

"Newman, you wouldn't eat brocolli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce."

From the Kenny Roger's Roaster episode. Then after Newman spits out the brocolli ...

"VILE WEED!"

Here's one that depends on the delivery:

George's presentation on the subject of risk management at the very end of "THE FATIGUES"

There you were, treating your body like it was an amusement park!

George's mother, after catching George....(you know)

One of my favorite riffs is when Kramer heads for Hollywood after he breaks "The Covenant of the Keys" and Jerry corners Newman in the hallway.

NEWMAN: Hello, boys.
JERRY: Hello, Newman.
NEWMAN: You lookin' for someone?
JERRY: Don't play coy with me, Newman, I'm not in the mood!
NEWMAN: Coy? I'm not being coy.
JERRY: Is he being coy?
GEORGE: Yeah, coy.
JERRY: You're being coy. Now where's Kramer, Newman?
NEWMAN: Who?
JERRY: Listen, Tiny, I wanna know where Kramer is and wanna know now!
NEWMAN: Alright, go ahead and hit me, Seinfeld. I got witnesses.
.
.
.
NEWMAN: You wanna know what happened to Kramer? I'll tell you what happened to Kramer. He was ticked off. About the keys. Yeah, that's right, about the keys. Thought he got a bad rap.
JERRY: Bad rap?
NEWMAN: Yeah. From you.
JERRY: Me?
NEWMAN: You heard me. So he packed a grip and split for the coast. La-La land. L.A.

I miss Newman!!!

Don't remember the episode title, but you'll all recognize this great line from guest star Teri Hatcher:

"They're real and they're spectacular!"

George: "I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery."

Jerry: "Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise."

- From "The Foundation"

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?

Mr. Costanza to Elaine in the "Bad Boy" episode.

As funny as this line was, it paled in comparison to the outakes of this scene shown before the final episode.

Lupus!!?? IS IT LUPUS!!!?

Jerry: "I don't get that whole suicide machine. There's no tall buildings where these people live? They can't wrap their lips around a revolver like a normal person?"

- From "The Suicide"

Kramer (having just read an article that Jerry and George were gay): "I thought we were friends."
Jerry: "Here we go..."
Kramer: "I mean how could you two keep this a secret from me?"
Jerry: "It's not true!"
Kramer (interrupting): "Ah-ah! Enough lies. The lying is through. I mean, come on Jerry, the masquerade is over. You're thin, single, late 30s..."
Jerry: "So are you."
Kramer: "Yeah..." (the thought sinks in and Kramer makes the most hilarious sound I've ever heard in reaction).

I love the way Kramer leaves the room after Jerry calls him on his "proof." The look of shock on his face is priceless, as is his aforementioned vocal reaction--something along the lines of "boogiedoogiedoogiedoe!"

Evan

I'm sorry but I don't know the episode titles. I'll edit my post later.

Newman to Jerry: "Alright. You go ahead! You keep it secret but remember this: When you control the mail, you control...in-fah-mation!!"

Newman: "I want the new millenium to be...Jerry-free!!!"

Mr. Bookman's entire speech to Jerry about his overdue library books, especially, "Yeah, you and your good-time buddies!"

Kramer to George (who is eating pretzels and has unknowingly purchased ladies' glasses): "May I have one of those, madam?"

The Mohel to Elaine (after she places a glass on the edge of a coffee table): "You see where that glass is? Why you chose the absolute edge, so have the glass is hanging off the table like that? You breathe and that glass falls over. Then you have broken glass everywhere! Embedded in the carpet fibers, deep in the shag. Broken glass, bits of broken glass, and you can't get it out! You can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner! Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you'll never get all the pieces! Then you think you got it all. Then, two years later, you're walking around barefoot, you step on a piece of broken glass, and you KILL YOURSELF!! Is that what you want?! I don't think that's what you want?! Is it!? Do ya'?! Huh?!"

Elaine's shrink, Dr. Reston (into the phone): "Yes, Bobo?" I have no idea why I laugh at this.

Kramer (who had been swimming laps in the YMCA pool until the senior citizens came in): "It was like a flabby-armed spanking machine!"

George in The Dealership:

"First they stick you with the undercoating, rust-proofing, dealer prep... Suddenly you're on your back like a turtle."

Jerry: "Shut up you old bag!"

Marble rye episode

"STELLA!"
Elaine, hopped up on pain pills.

Jerry: "Let me explain something to you. You see, you're not normal. You're a great guy, I love you, but you're a pod. I on the other hand am a human being. I sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable, even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings. You wouldn't understand."

Kramer: "...Because I'm a pod."

- From "The Apartment"

I feel like I am going to Vegas with my friends and we are spouting out Seinfeld lines and shows. I know I have used my 1 but I just have to post.....

"You mean, the ones your mother laid out for you?" - Jerry talking dirty to his date.

After about 8 years I realized what Jerry meant 10 days ago. I used to laugh my butt off because what he said was so odd but now that I "get" the line, it is just crazy.

"Only the tree's Johnny, only the trees." - The Trip

oh there's just too many good ones, I loved the BATMAN speech and STELLA! I'll just use the best one from today's show


KRAMER: My WIFE has an INNER EAR INFECTION!

from, the wife

OK, so maybe I don't "get" the .."the ones your mother laid out for you." line. Someone enlighten me please?

Chris

Christopher, Jerry was implying she was a little girl; you know, so young that her mother has to get her clothes(panties) ready for her.

Man, that line is so wrong.

Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you would like to see......

That would be "The Implant" IIRC.

Jeff, that struck me as so funny right now. I scroll down and see that quote and I can just hear Kramer say that line.

Oh man!


That line is soooooo wrong.

I never looked at it from that angle.

Kramer: That ain't dancin' Sally!

from "The Little Kicks"

"Believe it or not, George isn't at home / Please leave a message at the beep. / I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone / Where could I be? / Believe it or not, I'm not home!"

*BEEEEP*