He looks like Gollum after a trip to the "spa" (read: rehab).
"You're all gonna die...only question is when. This is as good a place to take your first step to heaven as any. It's ours. It ain't much, but it's ours. Only question is how you check out. Now, you want it on your feet, or on your knees beggin'? I ain't much for beggin'. Nobody ever gave me nothin'. So I say, fvck it, let's fight."
I looked forward to Diamond night all season, but it was pretty lackluster. And no one took my song choice advice at all. I knew they didn't read here.
There is no charismatic winner, except maybe this year's rock dude. And what the hell was with Paula in that first critique? Was she referring to the dress rehearsal by mentioning 2 songs when only one had been performed? (She was right anyway when saying they both were, well, "meh"). This year's popularity contest won't result in any worthwhile album sales, except to the fan base. If it does any better, Ill be extremely surprised.
And, as usual, Hanson rules!!
WB: Please free Tin Pan Alley Cats and Coal Black an' De Sebben Dwarfs from The Censored Eleven
Last edited by Keith Paynter : 04-29-2008 at 10:58 PM.
Jason Castro - "Forever in Blue Jeans" Dull, boring, weak.
David Cook - "I'm Alive" A typical performance, not great, not horrible, just serviceable.
Brooke White - "I'm a Believer" Such a cheery performance, but nothing too vocally challenging.
David Archuleta - "Sweet Caroline" Yet another safe vocal, but it wasn't all that memorable.
Syesha Mercado - "Hello Again" I'm grateful there is someone left who can carry a melody, though the song was so-so.
Round 2:
Jason Castro - "September Morn" wake me up when he's done, that was brutally boring.
David Cook - "All I Really Need is You" A sappy song, but it was a good vocal.
Brooke White - "I Said I Am" a better effort from Brooke, but nothing truly outstanding on this song.
David Archuleta - "America" the lyrics are too repetitive, makes his vocals drone on and on, not a good song voice, but ended well.
Syesha Mercado - "Thanks the Lord for the Night Time" At least she's comfortable moving around the stage (no one else left can do it as well as Syesha).
-------------
Rankings
Enjoyable
Syesha Mercado
Solid but could have been better
David Cook
David Archuleta
What a trainwreck of an evening -- but probably the most
entertaining Idol in quite some time.
To begin with, I think the format of the show was totally botched
up. I realize they were pressed for time, but having everyone rated
after singing a first round seemed awfully odd.
...then there's Paula! Thank God we have Paula! She is so
entertaining to watch. That was odd that somehow she mistakingly
thought two songs were sung in the first round.
Fans made a big mistake last week voting off Carly, and I am
so happy that was reinforced by Ryan Seacrest at the start of
the show. Jason should have been voted off last week.
I don't know how Simon could say that Sayesha is in
trouble this week when it is painfully obvious that someone should
pass the douche on the left hand side and finally vote Jason off
the show!
I don't know how Simon could say that Sayesha is in
trouble this week when it is painfully obvious that someone should
pass the douche on the left hand side and finally vote Jason off
the show!
I think Simon said that so she would last a while longer. From what I have seen in past years, there is a big anti-Simon voting block that does the opposite from what he says just to prove him wrong. I really believe he tries to manipulate the vote with his opinions, both positive and negative.
Ding dong, the witch is dead! The AI audience gave the shouty eye-sore the heave-ho through their inaction (ie, by not voting), and although it didn't occur to me at the time, Carly's choice of Jesus Christ Superstar pretty much sealed her fate. Overtly Christian songs don't seem to jibe too well with the voting audience at large (you can ask Mandisa), but Jesus Christ Superstar was also considered by some Christian viewers as blasphemous, making it a double whammy that saw her losing votes from two different groups of voters. Of course, we need to take it all in context -- I doubt either of the Davids would have been voted out if they sang it, but if you're on the bubble like Carly was, that song choice (regardless of Webber's preference) was probably the worst one to pick out of the entire catalog on content alone. And to make things even more gorgon-free, Carly stayed home tonight, which meant that they didn’t even have to pan over to her fug face at some point during the show. My eyes thank you.
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This week’s mentor is the legendary Neil Diamond, and I am a big fan of his work. Diamond is a pop songwriter extraordinaire, and I was finally looking forward to American Idol for the first time since Beatles Night. Unfortunately, Diamond’s love of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial led to his releasing Heartlight, a syrupy, goopy book report set to music, which almost got him sued by Speilberg et al. Heartlight almost single-handedly turned Diamond into a joke (the love of unbuttoned and excessively sparkly shirts didn’t help matters), and the fact that he is a songwriting genius got lost in the conversation. In any case, I was disappointed that some of my favorite Diamond songs, like Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon, Solitary Man, Kentucky Woman, and Red, Red, Wine were left off of the set list tonight. On second thought, maybe it’s best that the contestants didn’t ruin the memory of those songs. Jason – Having survived back to back weeks of Mariah Carey and Andrew Lloyd Webber, Jason must have breathed a sigh of relief when he found out that he didn’t have to sing some girly dreck. Jason was apparently too stoned to have the correct lyric sheet while running through Forever in Blue Jeans during the mentor segment, and this lack of concentration and commitment was on display in his low energy performance. The real shame is that he wasted what was a terrific beginning, which showed off a surprisingly good lower register. Oddly, the snippet of his performance from dress that was shown during the phone number segment was higher energy and sounded much better. I wonder what happened between dress and the show… hmm… I wonder… maybe? I dunno Jason – one of your “best friends” looks like he’s a David Cook fan. Good job with the comb forward and the magenta streaks, but he needs to practice his douche face. David – Sharing a similar vocal range as Neil Diamond was a big plus for David this week. Sporting some terrific bedhead, David mowed through a growly, sped up version of I’m Alive. While it was easily the best of the first batch of performances, it seemed all too perfunctory to be interesting, and the douche faces were annoying to watch. Brooke – Having been covered so successfully by the Monkees, many people misconstrue the lyrics and sentiment of I’m A Believer and think it’s some sort of peppy, emotionally cheery song when there actually should be a contrast between the hopelessness and hopefulness between the verse and chorus. Unfortunately, Brooke didn’t get it either, and her jangly, way too happy rendition lacked any emotional connection or understanding. A lyric like, “love was out to get me” or “disappointment haunted all my dreams” shouldn’t be sung with a big smile, but there goes Brooke, beaming throughout. On top of that, Brooke sang it terribly, with washed out lower registers and many off notes and rhythm issues. Just a real big mess. The “whoo!” returns, sans the spazzy hippie twirl. Porkchop – Not only was there no emotional connection to Sweet Caroline, but Davey changed up the melody and threw in a bunch of runs that just didn’t fit in. David’s voice isn’t as dynamic as it used to be and lacks the clarity that made it so special (it’s sort of washed out these days), and at one point his voice cracked like Peter Brady singing Time to Change. While the lip licking hasn’t been spotted in ages, the gasping was back, and my wife is starting to become bothered by David’s choreographed and repetitive hand gestures. This is probably the worst time to stumble in the competition, but that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s going to need to do something more impressive if he wants to actually win this thing, assuming it him and not his dad who really wants it. What was with the violinist with the wrap-around shades? Did she look directly into Carly’s face last week and temporarily lose her sight? Syesha – The first half of Hello Again was up and down like a yo-yo. There was a nice note followed by a bad one, then a nice sounding measure followed by shrieking, and so on. Sometimes she was working with the background singers, and then she wasn’t in the same key. Somewhere in the middle of the song, she hit a big note that went sour, and then it was off to the screeches. This maddening inconsistency is typical of a Syesha performance. So too are the overly showy gestures and facial expressions that scream, “beauty pageant!” I was kind of appalled by the heavy, blue, glittery eye makeup, as it reminded me of New York from Flavor of Love. A bit too whorey for my tastes. Paula – And now for the best part of the show, and perhaps the best moment of the entire season. Right before the break and the second set of songs, Ryan asked the judges for a brief critique (to save time, the critiques were saved for after the second performance). After Randy’s turn, Paula complimented Jason’s lower register for the first song, but the second song lacked his usual charm and left her a bit empty. One problem – Jason never actually sang the second song (I can imagine Jason wondering if he did sing two songs already, then checking out his half smoked joint and thinking, “yup, just one”). Now, it is well known that the judges critiques are culled from notes from the dress rehearsals – this is one of the reasons why the critiques sometimes don’t jibe with the performances. Simon barely even listens to the actual performances and comes up with those pithy similes backstage before the show really starts. But this clearly showed two things – first, that the judges’ comments are mostly canned, and second, that Paula is batshit crazy and medicated beyond belief. After a very long and uncomfortable silence (well, in the studio that is – my wife and I were raucously laughing our asses off) Paula alternated between stuttering and just sitting there with her mouth agape as Simon tried to put the show back on the rails. Paula’s excuse was, “this is hard!” which is not inaccurate, as stringing together three or four sentences after downing four Oxycontins with a martini chaser can truly be difficult. Paula was glassy-eyed and out of it for the remainder of the show (I assume she had a little extra something something during the break), and at one point she punched out her microphone, presumably for trying to steal her pills. And that wig was as rat’s nest-like as I’ve ever seen it. Jason – Jason followed up his marginal first performance with a marginal rendition of September Morn. Now, I didn’t kill Jason on song choice last week – I mean, if not Memory, what other ALW song would have worked for Jason? That’s right, nothing! But this selection was baffling. Why he didn’t pick Girl You’ll Be A Woman Soon or Solitary Man is beyond me, and his slow, low energy performance was a pretty lackluster way to kick off the second set. Biggest. Bong hit. Ever. David – I am baffled as to why the judges were creaming all over his version of All I Need Is You. The truth is, it was just a slow acoustic version dressed up with an electric guitar line that kicked in with the drums and the light show. David’s voice is nothing special, and he has a habit of mumbling and slurring the words together to render the lyrics unintelligible. David also has the worst falsetto of all the contestants, and I cringe when he attempts it. His bedhead coupled with the lighting made it look like his hair was on fire, and he keeps on screaming like that, he’ll never be elected President. Brooke – This was probably the first time since… I dunno, the glaciers receded or something, that I enjoyed a Brooke performance. As a matter of fact, I thought this was the best one of the night, and while it may not have been awe inspiring on a solely vocal level, the emotional connection she made with the song and the confidence with which she sang made the performance itself one of the best of the past month – she even played the piano well! I was a bit bummed that they didn’t show her sasquatch feet this time around. Syesha was barefoot tonight, but there’s nothing spectacularly mutant about them. The reworking of the lyrics from New York to Arizona as suggested by Neil Diamond may have been unnecessary, but they weren’t as glaringly out of place as with the usual gender switching that Kristy Lee was prone to. The only quibble is that the Arizona/LA connection didn’t make sense with the “coast to coast” lyric. If she gets bounced this week, Brooke could star in a touring company production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Porkchop – I was puzzled that David made little emotional connection to America considering his mother was born in Honduras. I mean, it’s a song that celebrates the immigrants who came to this country, and David sang it like he was in a talent show. Wait – I mean… you know what I mean – like the kind of talent show where the contests aren't all that talented… wait – I mean, a talent show that's run incompetently… I mean, like a talent show that’s not on TV. Yeah, that's it. Again, technically very good, but perhaps over-rehearsed and lacking genuine feeling. I think there is an interesting peek into Simon’s soul that he calls out Davey for being so nakedly pandering and yet congratulates and even celebrates the calculation. I think there’s some true evil mixed in there somewhere. Syesha – The beginning of Thank the Lord for the Nighttime was all sorts of nasally and weird sounding. Syesha kind of sounded like either she wasn’t feeling it and wasn’t trying all that hard or she was drunk. Not Paula drunk, but like she took a swig or two before she hit the stage, and she had trouble clapping, hitting the right note, or staying in rhythm. She picked it up a bit in the middle of the song as the shots wore off, but then she acted like she was in a touring company of Ain’t Misbehavin’. It funny that Paula mentioned Minnie Ripperton since she was Mya Rudolph’s mother, and Syesha frequently reminds me of the melismatic singer parody that Mya used to do on Saturday Night Live. Only Syesha isn’t joking. My wife thinks she looks like Reese Witherspoon. They do share a similarly husky jaw line and pointy chin. Wow, these are so much easier on the eyes than the Carly pictures I was forced to make.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Jason Castro - "Forever in Blue Jeans" Started well and went nowhere.
David Cook - "I'm Alive" Good but not great. Nice bridge and chorus, verses not so much.
Brooke White - "I'm a Believer" Cartoonish. No style or substance.
David Archuleta - "Sweet Caroline" Unneccessary runs all over the place. Archie showed his age. No gravitas.
Syesha Mercado - "Hello Again" Great in parts. She is getting better.
Round 2:
Jason Castro - "September Morn" Bad song choice. Monotone delivery. Cue bong bubbling.
David Cook - "All I Really Need is You" Performance of the night. Great vocal and performace. Cook owned everyone.
Brooke White - "I Am I Said" Better performance but still something is missing.
David Archuleta - "America" Needed to be BIG and BOLD and was anything but. Could have been the performance of the night. A talented kid but no balls.
Syesha Mercado - "Thanks the Lord for the Night Time" Loved the arrangement -- it was like the Supremes or Dreamgirls. She was in her element.
Syesha, Brooke and Jason in bottom 3. Any one could leave. Based on performance, it should be Jason.
"You're all gonna die...only question is when. This is as good a place to take your first step to heaven as any. It's ours. It ain't much, but it's ours. Only question is how you check out. Now, you want it on your feet, or on your knees beggin'? I ain't much for beggin'. Nobody ever gave me nothin'. So I say, fvck it, let's fight."
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