Lee Scoggins:
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I think its dangerous to say what is "too expensive" or not in stereo gear. Different people derive different utilities or levels of enjoyment out of audio. My rig cost all-in around $25,000 but I have slowly improved it over the years with careful choices. I love it. It makes the music come alive, and I listen almost every day.
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I think you are right on. As a fellow Alpharetta resident, you and I seem to agree on most of your perspectives...must be the water.
How much money you can/should/will spend is dependent on your actual perceived value for your investment. One of my neighbors just spent $175,000 finishing their basement and installing a home theater - from a real estate standpoint, not the best investment, in that they actually increased their home value perhaps $75,000. On the other hand, we spent perhaps 1/3 of that for our "improvement" Home Theater. Part of the cost difference came from us willing to do much of the design & planning, whereas the other homeowner did none - relied totally on the contractor.
They saw ours & we saw theirs - and both were very impressed with each others, and felt the investment resulted in excellent results.
With over 15 years of music background as well - my ears are tone sensitive - I can hear someone singing 1/4 tone off in the church choir! That said, I've found you can get excellent audio systems for $10,000 or less if you are willing to do the homework and take the time to LISTEN to them.
As you said, the value is in the person who feels they got the reward for their investment. There is no right or wrong in how much $$$ (if you have it).
Best wishes.