That movie cracks me up... look at these other fine quotes:
[
They can't reach Vince Larkin]
Duncan Malloy: Well of course you can't reach him. He's off saving the rain forest, or recycling his sandals or some shit.
[
Cyrus is about to burn Cindino alive]
Francisco Cindino: Cy!
Cyrus: ...onara!
[
Holding a gun to the stuffed animal bunny.]
Cyrus: Don't move or the bunny gets it.
Cameron Poe: Put... the bunny... back... in the... box.
Cyrus: I despise rapists. For me, they're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception.
Agent Sims: I'm DEA, d'you know what the fuck that means?
Pinball: It means you're the most crooked nigger on the plane!
Local cop: I got a problem with a corpse.
Larkin: Yeah?
Local cop: Yeah, fell from the sky. I don't think he's an astronaut.
Duncan Malloy: Beautiful? Sunsets are beautiful, newborn babies are beautiful. This... this is fucking spectacular!
Garland Green: What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn’t you consider that to be insane?
[
To Cyrus, while holding a gun]
Pinball: You didn't mean that "dirty nigger crackhead" shit, did you?
Cyrus: Give me that gun. [
Takes the gun.] Hell yes, I meant it.
[
Threatening the pilot at gunpoint]
Cyrus: And if you say a word about this over the radio, the next wings you see will belong to the flies buzzing over your rotting corpse.
Vince Larkin: Are you with me or do you need me to draw it in crayon like usual?
Garland Greene: He's a fountain of misplaced rage. Name your cliche; Mother held him too much or not enough, last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he's so angry that moments of levity actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.
Pinball: I hate to say this, Cyrus, but we are three white dudes short. Or as they say in Ebonics, "We be fucked".
Billy "Billy Bedlam" Bedform: Have you lost your mind?
Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom: According to my last psych evaluation yes.
Cyrus the Virus: Johnny, can you fly?
Johnny 23: No.
Cyrus the Virus: You keep that in mind, cause if your dick jumps out of your pants, you jump off this plane!
Duncan Malloy: What's with dictionary-boy over here?
Vince Larkin: I believe thesaurus-boy would be more appropriate.
Duncan Malloy: This is one problem that needs to be un-fucked right now!
Sally Can't Dance: What can I do?
Cyrus Grissom: Take this gun. And if any one comes near you, scratch their eyes out!
[
Sally Can't Dance is surrounded by cops.]
Sally Can't Dance: Ooh. Men in uniform.
Baby O: What's wrong with him?
Cameron Poe: My first guess would be... a lot.
Vince Larkin: Cyrus, where are you taking my plane?
Cyrus Grissom: We're going to Disney Land.
Cyrus Grissom: The last thing your daughter will smell will be my hot stinking breath!
Cyrus Grissom: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air.
Cameron Poe: You got a gun?
Vince Larkin: Yeah!
Cameron Poe: Then shoot that piece of shit!
Vince Larkin: If you can't trust a South American drug lord, who can you trust? [
silence] That was a joke.
Cameron Poe: I'm glad you told me.
John "Johnny 23" Baca: Do you know what I am?
Cameron Poe: Ugly all day?
Cameron Poe: Somehow they managed to get every creep and freak in the universe on this one plane.
Vince Larkin: Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally insane.
[
After seeing a Corvette being towed in the air by a plane.]
Cameron Poe: On any other day, that might seem strange.
Garland "The Marietta Mangler" Greene: One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.
Vince Larkin: They call him Cyrus the Virus. He claims he's killed more people than cancer.
Vince Larkin: So what are you going to do now?
Cameron Poe: What do you think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save the fuckin' day!
[
"Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background.]
Garland Greene: Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
Cameron Poe: There's only two men I trust. One is me. The other is not you.
Cameron Poe: There's now three people I trust.
Vince Larkin: Am I one of them?
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: Oh, nothing makes me sadder than the agent lost his bladder on the airplane.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: Thank you Poe, you've proven to be a most useful mammal.
Poe: Many hands make light work. My father taught me that.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: Know what my father taught me? Nothing.
Poe: Self-educated man.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: It's not difficult to surmise Nathan's feelings towards killing these guards; and my own proclivities are well-known and often-lamented facts of penal lore.
'Pinball': Hey, man. You Swamp Thing?
Swamp Thing: That's right.
'Pinball': You gonna fly the plane?
Swamp Thing: That's right.
'Pinball': It's amazing the shit you white trash know.
Swamp Thing: That's right.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: If we let you out, are you gonna play nice, Billy?
William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford: Probably not.
Guard Falzon: If any of you so much as pass gas in my direction and upset my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will become my private property.
Little Girl: Are you sick?
Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene: Why do you ask?
Little Girl: You look sick.
Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene: I am sick.
Little Girl: Do you take medicine?
Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene: There is no medicine for what I have.
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MY TOP 20 OF 2001
