[Radioman970]

Zomboy ran kind of long but it has it's moments. I like the portion in the bathtub. What might've been better would be something similar to the nearly dead on Invisible Man parody in Amazon Women on the Moon where Ed Bagley Jr is convinced he's invisible. Of course he's just walking around nude and everybody is humoring him. That could've worked well here with scenes of people being patronizing, innercut with scenes of Zomboy at home talking about his experiences.

[SteveGon]

Swamp Zombies - College students, a park ranger and a hermit join forces to fight the titular ghouls in this low budget zombiefest. Lots of undead ass-kicking and gratuituous busty babe nudity ensue. Decent of its type, but overlong. Where's Swamp Thing when ya need him?

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Zombie Doom - Gore galore from the infamous Andreas Schnass. Three men arrive on an island and run afoul of the villainous Karl the Butcher and his Infantry of Doom. Meanwhile Karl's resident mad scientist is raising an army of the living dead. Luckily for the world two ninjas show up to monkey wrench the works! Pretty bad, but worth a look for the over the top splatter, including a four-seater guillotine and a nasty hook up the ass/spinal cord ripping! The dubbing is atrocious which makes for an uber-cheesy experience. Caveat: for a flick titled Zombie Doom, there's relatively little undead action! AKA Violent Shit III.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **** out of ****


Zombie '90: Extreme Pestilence - More blood and guts from splatmeister Andreas Schnass has two scientists trying to stop an outbreak of the living dead. Wall to wall spatter, most of which is pretty goofy in its execution. If you've ever wanted to see an infant (don't worry, it's just a doll!) ripped in two, give this a spin. The horrible dubbing provides some unintentional laughs.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Living Dead Lock-Up - A convict learns that the prison to which he's been assigned has a nasty secret. Turns out that a former warden had a bad track record with keeping inmates alive and they're back from the grave, hungry for human flesh! A good try, but muddled and hampered to the point of distraction by its microbudget.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Dead Girl Walking - Japanese short about a young girl who dies of a heart attack though her body remains animate. Unfortunately that doesn't keep her from rotting! Appalled, her family tries to destroy her but she runs away and ends up a dancing sideshow freak. Interesting premise spoiled somewhat by a silly ending.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Psychomania - Solid Euroshocker has the leader of a motorcyle gang using a supernatural ritual to come back from the dead as a murderous and unstoppable zombie. Can he convince his buddies to join him in the
afterlife? Can the cops put a stop to his killing spree?

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Brain Blockers - A college professor experiments on co-eds with his new serum, turning them into flesh-eating ghouls. Ingratiating horror comedy is more entertaining than it has any right to be, thanks to an attractive and game cast. I'd marry the hellacute female lead. Yum, yum, yummity-yum!

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Deadline - Dutch short follows a news crew as they investigate mysterious goings-on at a video game company, unaware that the place has been overrun with hungry zombies! And you thought mosquitos could only give you malaria and yellow fever!

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Today's tally:

Amunition expended: 593,406,293 rounds

Blood spilled: 9,498 gallons

Intestines eaten: 592 miles worth

Eyes gouged: 2

Bisectings: 3

Noses lopped off: 1

Beheadings: lost count

Impalings: lost count

Nasty things done with hooks: 2

Redneck zombies: 2

Unlucky co-eds: 7

Unlucky infants: 2

Evil federal agents: 2

Ass-kicking park rangers: 1

Ass-kicking ninjas: 2

Boris Karloff wannabees: 1

Hitler mustaches: 1

Boobs on display:

Gratuitous lesbian kisses: 2

Blowjobs that end badly: 1

Dancing dead girls: 1

Giant supernatural frogs: 1

Exploding hamsters: 1

Irradiated mosquitos: ???

Stupid people killed: at least 8

Lesson for the day: if zombies are after you, don't just fucking stand there, RUN AWAY!!!

[Brian Kissinger]

Zombie-bashing Ninjas (Yeah, I capitalized Ninja.......Ninjas are pretty badass and most definitely deserve capitalization), exploding hamsters, giant supernatural frogs? Sounds like one Hell of day!!!

[SteveGon]

Lover from Beyond the Grave - Short homage to Bela Lugosi and Ed Wood about a warlock who discovers his wife is cheating on him. Intending to kill her, he is shocked when her lover murders her instead! He then brings her back from the dead so he can kill her himself, but can he control her? Slightly better than a Wood production though that ain't sayin' much. Probably would have worked better had the filmmakers made more of an attempt to emulate the stylings of older films.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Kung Fu Zombie - Wacky blend of martial arts and undead mayhem finds an upstart kung fu master fighting zombies, ghosts and vampires. Lots of yelling and whooshing and cheesy dubbing, you know the drill. Fairly engaging but thankfully not too long.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Zombie 5: Killing Birds - A group of college students road trip it to the Louisiana Bayou in search of a rare woodpecker but find instead murderous zombies. What is the connection one of them has to the undead assassins? And what is Robert Vaughn doing in this movie? Actually it's not that bad as it does boast an effective score and some tense scenes. If the dead meat here weren't such a bunch of spineless chickenshit pussies it might have rated three stars. And yes, there are some killer birds here.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Death Metal Zombies - An evil death metal band records a special tune that turns its listeners into zombies, all part of their plan to take over the world! Can one zombie's girlfriend save the day? Cool premise hampered by grade school acting; still entertaining if you're in the mood for cheese. If you like death metal, crank it up! Personally I'd prefer World Music Zombies.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Una De Zombis - Two aspiring filmmakers run up against a satanic mafia that uses zombies as henchmen. Things then get really weird when they realize that these events mirror the screenwriter's premise! Goofy, self-referential undead outing from Spain.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Today's tally:

Amunition expended: 5,942 rounds

Blood spilled: 1,273 gallons

Intestines eaten: not much (dieting zombies?)

Eyes pecked: 2

Sore throats (the kind Halls won't help): 6

Severed heads: 2

Impalings: 3

Attempts to eat a machete: 1

Beer bottles up the bum: 1

Flaming horny guys: 1

Killer birds: 1

Coke snorting cats: 1

Slumming American actors: 1

Hot zombie chicks: 2

Boobs on display:

Whooshing sound effects: 1,205

Stupid people killed: 5 (good job, zombies!)

Pop quiz: You and two friends are hiding in an attic as zombies pound away at the trap door. You:

A. Stand there and watch as they slowly but surely break through.

B. Stand ON the trap door as they probably wouldn't be able to force it open with three people standing on it.

If you answered A, you've got a career in zombie movies!

[SteveGon]

The Secret of Zombie Mountain - Goofy little short about a band of misfits trying to solve their zombie problem. Talking cars, "hombies" and seven hundred foot tall ghouls fill out the offbeat plot. See it here.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Gangs of the Dead - Synthesis of Dawn of the Dead and Assault on Precinct 13 has a meteor shower turning homeless Los Angelinos into flesh-eating zombies. Trapped in a shadowy warehouse by the undead are two rival gangs and a couple of cops. Can they stop fighting amongst themselves long enough to come up with a good survival plan? Better than it has any right to be given the title, as long as you're willing to overlook some plot conceits (how come a meteorite smashing through an L.A. bridge didn't make the news?). Bonus points for including Reggie Bannister in the cast.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill - College students on an outing run afoul of Civil War villain Bloody Bill Anderson, now a demonic zombie who rules a ghost town of the living dead. Good premise nullified by bland, rote execution. Feels like it should have been a ghost story, but zombies were substituted (to little avail) instead. The incongruous death metal songs don't help.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Beyond Re-Animator - Third in the series has Herbert West continuing his experiments in prison with the usual gory results. Call me crazy but I like this better than Bride of Re-Animator, though of course neither can match Re-Animator.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Meat Market - More ultra-low budget zombie shenanigans. Two security agents, three vampire chicks and a Mexican wrestler take on the undead in this uneven but oddly watchable mess. Weird plot twists and superfluous sex scenes abound.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Zombie Bloodbath - Backyard auteur Todd Sheets' infamous undead epic chronicles a zombie outbreak in a small town. Two families, feuding female gangs and the odd video store customer try to survive! Pretty inept, but watchable in a train wreck sort of way.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Today's tally:

Amunition expended: 304,476 rounds

Blood spilled: 4,793 gallons

Intestines eaten: 492 miles worth

Ocular appetizers: 2

Crushed heads: 2

Exploding heads: 3

Severed heads: 2

Impalings: 1

Bisectings: 2

History lessons: 1

Boobs on display:

Blowjobs that end badly: 1

Gratuitous lesbian sex scenes: 1

Electric boogaloos: 2

Hot zombie chicks: 1

Mexican wrestlers: 1

Talking cars: 1

Deadly zombie rats: 1

Glorified cameos by Phantasm almumni: 1

Midichloran moments: 1

Where'd that ray gun come from moments: 1

Bad actors: pretty much the entire casts of two of these movies

Stupid people killed: at least a dozen (go go zombies!)

Lesson for the day: for God's sake people, shoot them in their fucking heads!



Also read the third issue of Marvel Zombies Vs. Army of Darkness. The mystery of Dead Ash revealed! The fate of the zombie Howard the Duck! Plus the undead versions of Power Pack and Dr. Druid! Ya want more?

[Colton]

Graveyard Alive When homely nurse Patsy Powers (Anne Day-Jones) treats a handsome woodsman, he infects her with a virus that turns her into a ravishing zombie sex kitten. While adjusting to her strange cravings for flesh, Patsy uses her new sexuality to compete with archrival Goodie Tueschuze (Samantha Slan) and win back her old beau, Dr. Dox (Karl Gerhardt). Eric Kendric, Barbara Bacci and Edward Fuller co-star in this campy horror flick.

2/5 stars.

[SteveGon]

Meat Market 2 - The survivors of Meat Market are captured by a crazed motivational speaker who rules a compound of human survivors with an iron fist. Messy blend of social commentary, Italian-style zombies,
vampires and kitchen sinks is oddly ingratiating.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Zombie Bloodbath 2: Rage of the Undead - More Todd Sheets madness. College students, escaped cons and psychotic thieves face off against the hungry undead. Slightly better than part one, despite its abject nihilism and sadistic violence.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Zombies Gone Wild - Satire of those Girls Gone Wild videos has three road tripping buddies hooking up with a trio of living dead babes. Interminable, overlong and obsessed with bowel movements. Yech. Escapes a bomb rating only because it doesn't deserve the notoriety.

Edit: fuck it

Bomb!

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


Red State - Zombie short has two Texas buddies trying to escape to the countryside after an outbreak of zombies. Max Brooks is seen in a small role hawking his real-life book The Zombie Survival Guide!

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


I Drink Your Blood - Grindhouse classic about a gang of satanists who are turned into slavering killers after eating rabies-infected meatpies. Good, cheesy fun. Nubile starlet Lynn Lowry co-stars and has no better luck here than she would later in The Crazies and Shivers.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Warning Sign - A mishap at a biotech research facitily turns its employees into homicidal maniacs in this solid programmer.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Zombies On Broadway - Two press agents get themselves in a bind when they promise their shady boss a real zombie for the opening of his night club! Comic film co-star Bela Lugosi as a mad scientist. Stars Wally Brown and Alan Carney are no Abbott and Costello, but the film is an entertaining little time-killer.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Santo Contra Los Zombies - A Mexican wrestling champion helps the police battle a madman and his zombie minions in this serial-esque entry in the Santo series of films. Goofy fun.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


Bio-Cops - Quickie follow-up to Bio-Zombie finds a CIA agent accidentally infected with a an experimental virus that is supposed to turn test subjects into unfeeling super soldiers. Unfortunately it just turns them into megalomaniacal zombies! Tends to ramble, but picks up at the end.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Today's tally:

Amunition expended: 297,560 rounds

Blood spilled: 1,208 gallons

Intestines eaten: 598 miles worth

Splitting headaches: 2

Ocular appetizers: 2

Phallic appetizers: 2

Fetus interruptus: 1

Disarmaments: a dozen or so

Boobs on display:

Lynn Lowry on display:

Heroic Mexican wrestlers: 2

Mad scientists: 5

Cute puppy cameos: 1

Son of celebrity cameos: 1

Deus ex machina: 2

Did we really need to see that penis moments: 1

Why sticky paper is bad moments: 1

Little boys that need an ass-whuppin': 1

Stupid people killed: 4 (gotta work on that, zombies!)

Lesson for the day: nine zombie movies in one day is too much!

[SteveGon]

The Shadow Walkers (2006) - A group of scientists wake up to find themselves trapped in an underground research facility that is overrun with mutated, flesh-eating humans. Unfortunately most of the action takes place in near total darkness so....ah, fuck it.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****



The Mad - A bickering family stops at a roadside diner only to discover that the locally-produced hamburgers are turning people into crazed ghouls. Solid B-movie fare and lots of fun.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Zombie Death House - As if being framed for murder weren't bad enough, a Vietnam vet finds that the prison doctor's experiments are turning his fellow prisoners into flesh-eating zombies! Directed by B-movie king John Saxon.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Zombie Bloodbath 3: Zombie Armageddon - Finale to Todd Sheets Zombie Bloodbath trilogy has high school students battling the undead. Better acted than its predecessors, but still pretty cheesy with a plot that defies description.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Vengeance of the Zombies - Eurohorror icon Paul Naschy plays three roles in this grisly whodunit. Members of high-ranking families are being murdered with their bodies later stolen and turned into zombies. Is a Hindu mystic behind it?

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


The Video Dead - Zombies spring forth from a cursed tv set and wreak havoc on a quiet suburban neighborhood in this eighties horror gem.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Dead Flesh - Earnest litte romancer about a boy and his zombie girlfriend. Will her hunger for brains drive them apart? And what happens when tv stars Betsy the Monster Killer and Zombie Hunter Dave decide that
killing a real zombie would be just the thing to buoy their sagging ratings?

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Revenge of the Zombies - Old school zombie flick has Nazi scientist John Carradine creating an army of the undead. Pretty routine but saved by some good comic relief.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****

[SteveGon]

Waning Solstice - Occult thriller has a centuries-old Inquisitor and a band of contemporary young adults battling a she-demon whose legion of zombies threatens humanity. Potentially interesting premise is ruined by slapdash execution and an overbearing rock sountrack.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Apache Point: Zombies Gone Wild - Jokey, super cheap short about a group of friends who go on a camping trip and run into flesh-eating zombies. Not much to it and just when you think there might be, it's over. No relation to Zombies Gone Wild, unless sucking can be counted as a degree of familiarity.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Ouanga - Obscure, old school zombie flick was the second film after White Zombie to feature the living dead. A mulatto woman loves a white plantation owner on tropical Paradise Island (alas, no Wonder Woman here). Unfortunately he spurns her on account of her black blood so she has his appropriately white fiancee kidnapped by zombies with the intent of using her in a voodoo sacrificial ceremony! Fun little chiller if you can stomach the inherent racism.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


The Dead Next Door - Revisited J.R. Bookwalter's 8mm zombie epic that has a squad of soldiers battling not only the undead, but a religious cult that wishes to preserve them! Cheesy but pretty entertaining. Bruce Campbell dubs the lead actor's voice.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The Ghouls - Grimy thriller about a news photographer who specializes in filming urban carnage. Secretly he gets off on recording bloodshed, but even he isn't prepared when he runs across "the ghouls," a ravenous horde of sewer-dwelling mutants (shades of C.H.U.D.). Surprisingly decent low budgeter.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Zombie Genocide - Homegrown zombie outing was Ireland's first ever undead feature. Four friends return from a camping trip to discover their town has been overrun by the living dead. Technically no different than its cheapo American cousins, but tense and exciting. The Irish accents give it an added novelty value.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Corpses of Doom - Cheeky Scots short has four pals returning from a camping trip (again!) only to find themselves in the middle of a zombie outbreak. What's worse, there's no food in the house!

Watch it here!

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Zombie Town - Parasites turn the inhabitants of a small Vermont town into slavering zombies and only an inept mechanic, his brainy girlfriend and their public servant pal stand a chance of stopping them. Entertaining if rote; the male leads' monotonous delivery is a debit.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****



Also checked out Marvel Zombies Vs. Army of Darkness #4 in which Ash annoys Doctor Doom, has a heart to heart with the Necronomicon, and dallies with the Enchantress! Also: witness the explosive fate of zombie Goliath and see how the undead plague was spread so quickly!

And check these out!