[SteveGon]

I'm with ya on that one! I'll email Jon Mulvaney...

(Hey, if they can release friggin' Armageddon...)

[Radioman970]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveGon

I'm with ya on that one! I'll email Jon Mulvaney...

(Hey, if they can release friggin' Armageddon...)

right, on Criterion, no doubt!

They should try a special line of Criterion for stuff similar to this. Sort of like MGM's Midnite Movies.

[SteveGon]

Zombie Holocaust - A rash of corpse mutilations at a NYC hospital leads a group of journalists and anthropologists to a remote Pacific island where they run afoul of cannibals and a mad doctor. A few token zombies show up to justify the title, but with the cannibals having already eaten everyone they just kind of amble around. Super schlocky and gory Italian horror flick manages to entertain despite its ineptitude - check out that hilarious gaffe in the scene depicting a high rise suicide!

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****

[SteveGon]

Mortuary - Murky, muddled, Tobe Hooper mishmash about a widow and aspiring mortician who moves into a dilapidated funeral home with her two children. Too bad the place was built on cursed ground! The half-baked plot includes deformed mutants, bile-spewing zombies and dead teenagers to little effect.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *1/2 out of ****


Tamara - Middling entry in the revenge of the living dead subgenre adds a dash of Carrie. A mousy girl with an unpopular anti-drug stance is accidentally killed by her high school peers during a cruel prank. She then comes back from the dead the hottest zombie since Return of the Living Dead III, looking to dish out some justice and score with her hot English teacher.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *1/2 out of ****


Near Death - A group of parapsychologists investigate the supposedly haunted home of a murderous movie director and find it inhabited not by ghosts, but flesh-eating ghouls. Not a bad premise, but laughably cheap.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Crap zombie movies: 3

SteveGon: 0

[Kevin M]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radioman970:
I'd thought about getting Children Shouldn't (Play With Dead Things)... as well.

Oh boy....I would rent it first (assuming you haven't seen it) it is good in a bad sort of way IMO...I love the flick because it has good atmosphere, bad acting, good makeup, bad music, bad acting, bad writing, bad actors, bad stereotypical gay characters, bad acting....did I mention the bad acting?

Put it this way, it would have made a fantastic MST3K episode.

[Brian Kissinger]

Greetings Zombie Enthusiasts,

This is my initial post here in Zombie Wonderland. I do enjoy a good zombie movie, but to me, they've always been like the second person you ever made love to: exciting, fresh, and while you're not "exactly" sure what to expect, (unless you've made a real faux pas) you pretty much know what you're getting into: Enter our heroes, Enter some undead, somebody is going to end up getting their intestines eaten, some zombie' heads will explode from gunfire....blah blah blah. I guess the same argument could be made for many different genres, but I've never been able to get past the "been there, done that" feeling I get from zombie flicks. Not say none are any good, I just have to be in the mood for one...kinda like a taco.

But I finally braved this thread, and have some new titles to add to the queue. Stacy, in particular, sounds like must see TV to me. So thanks. Anyway, on to the real reason I stopped in.

Quote:

'Cause Nudist Colony of the Dead sounds like a movie I pretty much have to see. Musical numbers you say?

Quote:

We really need to find the right people to get Nudist Colony of the Dead released. That sounds wild!

My dear friend Steven let me borrow this masterpiece. And he talked it up so big, my wife even wanted to see it (for the record, she usually avoids any movies he gives me like the plague....even though the plague isn't the issue nowadays that it once was in the past...and come to think of it, I can't recollect her ever taking any precautions against the plague, yet she has against his movies...oh well, I'm sure you get the point). Then there was his little "I haven't laughed this hard since we saw Meet the Feebles line. And this is no small thing. That viewing is one of the singularly best times I ever had with my clothes on. Comedies are best viewed with other people....somehow they just are funnier, and I laughed pretty hard that night. So all this was surrounding my viewing of Nudist Colony of the Dead.

With that part out of the way, let me say I was underwhelmed with the "film." But how could I not be with that kind of build-up. Then there was the fact that I was viewing on VHS. The sound was horrible and constantly shook me from the movie. Jokes just aren't very funny when you have to constantly get them from your wife (who isn't laughing).
"What did he say?"
(Her reply in a monotone, deadpan voice) "I'm not going to let 47 freak accidents with a wood chipper ruin this bible retreat."
"Oh."

So, should you decide to watch this gem (and it is worth watching....I still can't get some of the musical numbers out of my head- It's an inky-dinky-do-da morning, morning) I suggest you do it with a pal who appreciates this type of humor; not with my wife.





P.S. The Evil Dead films are not zombie films. And neither (really) is Night of the Creeps, but it is a totally kick-ass movie with zombie-type sequences. And I didn't want it to seem like I don't enjoy tacos, cause I do...just as long as they do not contain refried beans. Thanks.

[SteveGon]

Quote:

"I'm not going to let 47 freak accidents with a wood chipper ruin this bible retreat."

Shoot, that's comedy gold!

[SteveGon]

Flesh Freaks - Or, Hey Mom! Look What I Did With That Camcorder You Got Me For Christmas! An archaeological expedition in South America accidentally unleashes a plague of alien-spawned zombies.
Super cheap production (hell, I spend more on my dates!) adds elements of Invasion of the Body Snatchers to the usual zombie recipe. If the results are like this, maybe we would be better off controlled by aliens!

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****



SARS Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis - Wacky, frenetically-paced action comedy about a young hero recruited to save a kidnapped girl from mobsters. But the apartment building she's being held in has been infected with a deadly strain of the SARS virus that turns its victims into flesh-eating zombies! AND there's a giant snake that meows! Aided by his eccentric master and a hot female scientist, can he rescue the girl and fight off the badguys, the zombies and the snake? More importantly, will she put out for him? Bizarre plot twists, transsexuals, anti-drug messages and the deux ex machina to end all deux ex machina are just some of the items on display in this cartoonish Thai outing.

"That is one ugly, demonic ho!"

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****

[Brook K]

You go on dates, Steve?!

Day of the Dead was on the HD Monster channel last night. Nothing like seeing people ripped apart in high definition!

[SteveGon]

Quote:

You go on dates, Steve?!

Well, no, but sometimes ya gotta sacrifice reality for the sake of a joke.

[Brian Kissinger]

I got Stacy and gave her a spin, and I must say it's a bad movie. Not bad in the sense that the movie is crap, but bad in the sense that it is evil incarnate. The film itself is evil, and makes evil things happen in your life. It's cursed.

I like to think that I'm a good father. I'm no Cliff Huxtable or anything, but I rarely beat my kids and feed them most days. And until the evil Stacy came into my life, I had never forgotten one of them.

My daughter wanted to go to a YMCA sleepover (don't worry, there were no bikers or sailors present....sorry couldn't resist) and the outcome being a night home alone, I wanted to let her. So I take her and drop her off and even signed her in and stuff....see what I mean about good father. Then I go home and pop in Stacy. Thus, the evil begins.

For around 90 minutes I was tricked into a state of quirky happiness (the film's way of lulling me into unawareness) as 16 year old school girls (yep in school girl uniforms) were turned into zombies and hacked into pieces and dangled wind chimes and sought love and watched puppet shows and ate people and bought chainsaws and most importantly....learned the secret to Butterfly Twinkle Powder. Good times were had by all.

Then, I decided to go to bed. Somewhere in the back of my mind, something was trying to get my attention, but damn if all I could think about was Butterfly Twinkle Powder. Where does it come from? Do actual butterflies have powder? Why does it twinkle? Does it come in an easy-to-use cream form?

So I sleep on it. Sometimes answers come to me after a good night's sleep. And sleep good I did (oops, turned into Yoda for a second there). Then, right in the middle of an awesome dream about Drew Barrymore covered in a twinkling powder, I'm jolted awake by the evil telephone. The good folks down at the YMCA were wondering if I might like to come and pick up my daughter. And so I did, but let me tell you this: I don't think I've ever encountered anything quite so frightening as the icy-cold glare of a tired YMCA operative.

But not to worry, I expect my daughter (and my wife..unfortunately) will begin talking to me again sometime within the next few days. I will overcome the evil.

Damn you Stacy, damn your black heart.