[SteveGon]

Gay Zombie - A closeted gay man comes back from the dead as a zombie and discovers that coming out may be more difficult than being one of the living dead! Double bill this amusing short with Creatures from the Pink Lagoon. R1 DVD.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


The Plague - Children around the world fall into comas and awake ten years later as zombie-like killers intent on murdering the adults around them. Chiller starts off good but finishes up with a silly, biblical-inspired confusion, I mean conclusion. Clive Barker had something to do with this, but it's hard to tell what. Albert Camus had absolutely nothing to do with it. R1 DVD.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Zombies Zombies Zombies - Taglined Strippers Vs. Zombies (though not to be confused with Zombie Strippers), this entertaining zomedy has strippers, hookers and pimps uniting to battle ghouls created by a bad batch of crack. Offers up plenty of laughs, cheap gore and a few boobs, though it's not quite as energetic as it should have been.

"You zombies have just fucked with the wrong ice princess!"

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Game Over - Cool little short finds two best friends driven apart after one of them is bitten by a zombie. The doomed one then goes through the five stages of denial while his buddy imagines various ways of destroying him handling the situation. The English accents here are a bit thick so the producers were kind enough to offer subtitles on the R1 DVD (available from Indieflix).

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Night of the Not So Living Dead Guy - Parody of Night of the Living Dead finds a couple menaced by a very slow-moving zombie. Goofy little short is worth a look.

Watch it here.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


The Vineyard - Late eighties oddity stars character actor James Hong (he also co-wrote and co-directed) as an immortal vintner who invites nubile starlets to his island home. There he drains their blood to fuel his immortality elixir (don't ask, it's an ancient Chinese secret). He also happens to be in the habit of burying his victims in his vineyard, victims who return from the grave seeking revenge! Watchable, and has its moments, but Hong here seems like a subpar Bond villain (what with all his hulking henchmen) slumming in a slasher flick where the zombies are ultimately incidental. Don't confuse this with Jean Rollin's The Grapes of Death.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Bonus zombie movie trailer! Not work safe!

Deadlands 2: Trapped

[SteveGon]

Mostly shorts this time as I'm waiting on some upcoming zombie releases...


Impulse - Ballerina Meg Tilly returns to her hometown where everyone has gone nuts: people have lost their inhibitions and are running amok, peeing on cars, robbing banks and gunning down hapless kids. Can her doctor husband find the cause before it's too late? Mid-eighties infected flick never really catches fire but is serviceable enough; Tilly is mighty easy on the eyes. R1 DVD.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Dead Country - Awful Aussie outing finds a chubby alien (who looks like your goofy uncle) stranded on Earth after his spaceship blows up. Unfortunately the explosion has caused an outbreak of zombies! By turns stultifying and stupid, this rates half a star only for some nice boobage. Available on the Catacomb of Creepshows DVD.

1/2* out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Grave Mistake - Typically low rent zed flick pits a troubled vet, an abusive dad and his son, a single mom and her son, and a dorky zombie specialist against hordes of the living dead. Entertaining as far as these things go, but hampered by some over the top characterizations. Available on the Catacomb of Creepshows DVD.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Bring Out Your Dead - Harmless Aussie short about a guy who spends too much time playing a zombie video game, much to the chagrin of his wife. Where's Monty Python when ya need 'em?

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****

Watch it here.



The Blackest Dawn Chronicles: Dust to Dust - Online series has its raspy-voiced hero traversing a post-apocalyptic world killing zombies and goblins. In this episode he kills, well, zombies and goblins. Supposedly set on an Earth beset by a nuclear winter, the sun-dappled forest where the action takes place would seem to decry that. If you can get past that, this is still only marginal fare.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


The Blackest Dawn Chronicles: Zombies - In another episode of the online series, our hero takes on a hard to kill zombie. Meh.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****

Watch The Blackest Dawn Chronicles here


Zombie Holiday - A young man goes home for the holidays and discovers that his family has been turned into zombies in this humorous short. Not to be confused with Holiday of the Dead.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****

Watch it here


Crappy zombie jokes:

What do zombies like to eat for dinner?

Spoiler:

Feetloaf!

What do Italian zombies like to eat for dinner?

Spoiler:

Spaghetti and eyeballs!

[SteveGon]

O.C. Babes and the Slasher of Zombietown - Orange County's SAG rejects take refuge in a bar during a zombie outbreak where they fall victim to a psycho killer. Too bad the filmmakers didn't join them there. Ten Little Indians meets Dawn of the Dead with feeble results in this cheapo rip-off - hell, the only zombies are seen in footage copped from Night of the Living Dead! Bury this deep, my friends. Not to be confused with Chopper Chicks in Zombietown, Zombie Town or O.C. and Stiggs. R1 DVD.

BOMB!

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


The Vanguard - The future. Society has collapsed. One giant corporation rules everything. In the wastelands roam the Biosyns, savage zombie-like creatures who are being systematically exterminated by government soldiers. Battling both is Max, a mute warrior who may hold the key to mankind's salvation. If this sounds like self-important pablum, that's because it is. The meat here is a guy running through fields and forests killing amped-up infecteds with his axes. But even this offers us nothing new while the rest is just dreary and monotonous. R1 DVD.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The Supernaturals - Star Trek's Lt. Uhura traded in her phaser for an M-16 to star in this middling eighties horror opus. Here she leads a platoon of soldiers from the army's 44th regiment into a southern forest on a training exercise. But little does she know that ghostly Confederate zombies haunt the woods and aim to get revenge for being massacred by Union troops (from the very same regiment) over a century earlier! Damn Yankees! DVD-R.

"Your dick is hallucinating!"

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Noctem - Above average German zombie movie (though that's not saying much) has two undead apocalypse survivors fleeing to safety in the countryside. There they join a group of survivalists who may be more deadly than the ravenous zombie hordes! Cheap but effective, the Night of the Living Dead-inspired climax is the best thing about it. DVD-R.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The Corpse Eaters - Early seventies undead flick (produced by a guy who owned a drive-in) finds two couples partying in an abandoned graveyard. There one of them has the super bright idea of reciting some mumbo jumbo that supposedly raises the dead. Before you can say "Oh, shit!" they're attacked by shambling, very hungry zombies! Ha ha! As shoddy as you'd expect, but it does boast some gooey chow scenes. DVD-R.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Loves of the Living Dead - Goofy Japanese obscurity about two cute lil' J-girls who own a boutique. Their new dressing room mirror harbors a demoness named Pinkish Red, the two guys across the way are trying to score with them, and an old school chum has accidentally raised an army of the dead! When Pinkish Red escapes the mirror she grabs one of the girls and drags her down to hell. Can the kidnap victim's friends (along with a ghostly cabbie) get her back? Entertaining in its own, crazy quilt, kaleidoscopic way, but eventually it wears out its welcome. DVD-R.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Dead Beat - Worthless short has a weird mortician reviving a female corpse with electricity. She dances around a bit and then collapses. And that's it. Frankenhooker it ain't. R1 DVD.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****

[SteveGon]

Quarantine - Solid remake of the Spanish film [Rec] follows a reporter and her cameraman as they shadow two firemen responding to an emergency call in an apartment building. Unfortunately for them the residents have been infected with a virus that's turned them into raging cannibals! To make matters worse, the authorities then seal off the building, trapping them inside with the ghouls! Mostly a mirror image of the original, but expertly done and suitably intense - I swear the girlfriend nearly broke several of my fingers during the jolt scenes!

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Night of the Living Babes - Two pals go to the Zombie Ranch Whorehouse and discover that the Madam is up to no good. What are her dastardly plans? Forgettable piffle doesn't seem to know what audience it's aiming for. But, as Kissinger would say, at least I saw boobs. DVD-R.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud - Comedic sequel has teen buddies stealing a corpse, little knowing that it's a C.H.U.D. Bud the Chud that is! Ol' Bud is then reanimated and goes on a brain-chomping binge that results in an outbreak of Chudism. Fast forward to the cute girl running around in a bathing suit. Okay, it's not as awful as I'd heard, but it's still pretty lame - throw it in the "emergency zombie fix" pile. Essential viewing if you're doing a paper on eighties hair. The script is credited to "M. Kane Jeeves" which may be the writer's way of saying one should be drunk while watching. DVD-R.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2: In Shocking 2-D - Long-winded title to writer/director James Riffel's version of Night of the Living Dead. For some reason Riffel decided it'd be a great idea to take the film and add a new, comedic soundtrack (not to mention splicing in non sequitur interludes). The resulting curio is as pointless as a circle and just about as funny. They're coming to get you, James! DVD-R.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Re-Animator: 1942 - Herbert West in World War II! Hunkered down in a bomb shelter, can Herbert perfect his reanimation experiments before he's overrun by enemy forces? Modest short puts our hero in a novel setting but adds no context. Still, Nazis and zombies? That's entertainment!

Watch it here.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****

[LaserChoice]

This past weekend I was on a huge scary movie kick. I just sat back an rented a bunch of scary movies. I mostly had a Ray Harryhausen marathon, watching all of his classics. 20 Million Miles to Earth, and Earth vs Flying Saucers. At the video store they just got a new BLU-RAY collection called Ray HarryHausen Collection and it had all of them in there. I also rented "The Devils Chair" and "Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer". Both good films but for different reasons. Devil's Chair being scarier and Monster Slayer as more of scary action film.

YouTube - The Devil's Chair official trailer

YouTube - Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer trailer

YouTube - Caught -from Ray Harryhausen Collection on Blu-ray Oct. 7th

[SteveGon]

Night of the Living Dead: 30th Anniversary Edition - NOTLD co-scribe John A. Russo concocted this remodeled version of George Romero's horror classic. Fifteen minutes of original footage was excised from the film to make way for a new beginning and ending. The intro has two good ol' boys carting the recently-executed body of a child murderer to the cemetery - a corpse that turns out to be not so dead (this would be the famous NOTLD cemetery zombie). I can live with this scene though it's quite unnecessary. The ending features scream queen Debbie Rochon (always nice to see) as a reporter who interviews a mad priest - a man who was bitten by a zombie and survived. The priest rants and raves about demons and hell, scaring the reporter off. This tacked-on finale is even more superfluous then the new opening and really grates. Additional zombie footage has also been inserted into the film at various points: car crash victims get up and pal around with a one-armed zombie waitress, eventually joining the party at the farmhouse. More zombies is always good so these scenes are the least of my concerns. Overall the new material, shot on video, adds nothing to the film and clashes stylistically with Romero's original footage. The worst thing about this edition however is the forgettable new score by niche composer Scott Vladimir Licina, whose ego-stroking moniker belies his lack of talent. This annoying goth geek plays the manic preacher in the new footage and makes the cast members of the original version look like Oscar-winning thespians. I can't bring myself to hate this edition as many NOTLD fans seem to, but at best it's a curio that most will want to watch only once. R1 DVD.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Trailer Park of Terror - A sextet of troubled teens and their counseler are forced to spend a night in a dilapidated trailer park, home to a horde of ghostly zombies who enjoy filleting outsiders. Pretty much a rip of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but with the living dead replacing inbred yokels. Well actually, these zombies DO seem like inbred yokels. Not bad, just awfully familiar. Does boast some nice gore though. R1 DVD.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Dance of the Dead - It's the night of the prom and wouldn't you know it, there's a goddamn zombie outbreak! Can an oddball assortment of teens and a nutty gym teacher save the dance from being crashed by the hungy living dead? Enjoyable trifle is fun but imminently forgettable. Not to be confused with the same-named Masters of Horror episode. R1 DVD.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Hollywood Mortuary - An egotistical make-up artist finds himself on the outs with the film industry after a downswing in the production of the horror movies that made him famous. He then takes a job as a mortician and reanimates (via a voodoo potion) the corpses of two film stars (ostensibly Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi). Sending them on a mission to save his career, he discovers much to his horror that they have plans of their own! Cheap but nifty little scarefest should entertain fans of qolden age horror. R1 DVD.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Bay of the Dead - It's surfers versus zombies in this awful Aussie short. Well actually it's a lot of surfing footage and very little zombie action (not to mention no bikini-clad babe action). Throw this one on the barbie. R0 DVD.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Heavy Metal Zombies - German short has two metalheads rocking out to a mysterious new album only to discover the music has turned them into zombies. Then they eat their buddy. The end. Not to be confused with Death Metal Zombies or Hard Rock Zombies. If only someone would make Hip Hop Zombies my life would be complete. Not.

Watch it here.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****

[SteveGon]

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead - Full bore Troma-fest (of the good kind) finds all hell breaking loose after fried chicken entrepeneur General Lee Roy opens an American Chicken Bunker store on top of an ancient Indian burial ground (the Tromahawk tribe to be exact). Vengeful Indian spirits then invade the store's supply of chicken products, turning customers into fowl, flesh-eating zombies! One of Troma's best films features lesbians, boobs, gore, scatological humor, tasteless jokes and musical numbers that are actually good (though my favorite is the deleted S-U-I-C-I-D-E number - can't go wrong with dancing Jews!). (Plus it's hard to miss with a cute and spunky heroine who spends half her screen time topless!)

"The chickens have declared jihad on us all!"

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Johnny Sunshine - Seamy tale set in a world overrun by zombies. The living have barricaded themselves in walled cities where they've made snuff porn the entertainment du jour. The most popular star is Johnny Sunshine, a leather-clad hottie who finds herself embroiled in a plot that endangers all she holds dear, including her own life! Potentially interesting material is weighed down by its cheap veneer as well as its ultimately pointless zombie subplot.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Pastiche of the Dead - Anthology of zombie shorts plays out like a series of deleted scenes. Pretty much worthless.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


Shadows of the Dead - Earnest story of a couple who find themselves infected with a virus that's turned them into zombies. Odd, talky entry in the zombie canon seems more like a filmed play with its limited characters and sets. A good try, but this topic has been better handled in other undead films. Not to be confused with the zombie short of the same title.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Day of the Dying Living - Watched the first four episodes of the web series that anyone can contribute to. It shows too. Zzzzzzzz.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Z! - A bickering couple must put aside their differences if they want to escape their zombie-infested campground. But can they outwit Amy the naked zombie? Not nearly as enticing as it sounds. The best thing I can say about it is that I've seen worse.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Scream Farm - Zombies, drug dealers and teenagers collide in this not-too-bad living dead tale. Chemically-enhanced marijuana begets an outbreak of the living dead, trapping a slimy drug lord and a group of teens at the titular Halloween attraction. If you can make it through that awful opening sequence you'll be alright.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****

[Michael Elliott]

I was hoping Netflix shipped me POULTRYGEIST last Monday but they didn't and now it's on a "long wait". Hopefully I'll get to it soon as the reviews I've read makes it sound like Troma's best since the first Toxie.