[Tony J Case]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveGon

Night of the Living Dead 3D - Enjoyable (if pretty much disposable) remake of George Romero's classic in three dimensions.

**1/2 out of ****

Wait, wait, wait - how could you possibly like this?!? Putting aside, just for a moment, the huge amount of baggage that comes with the title NOTLD, it was a dreadful movie that was painful to get through. The pot jokes (and I use that term very loosely) were stupid, the 3D effect was criminaly underused (while not a good movie, at least the third Friday the 13th had the good sense to squirt some blood directly at the camera from time to time), the characters were boring - and stupid (Hey! It's a zombie attack. Lets - oh, I dont know - BOARD UP THE GOD DAMNED WINDOWS!), and playing the original NOTLD on the TV - well, it's always a bad idea to remind us of a much better movie while suffering through your piece of shit. The acting was non-existant, and the only even remotly good thing about the movie was Sid Haig.

This thing was an insult to zombie fans everywhere and it's a crime that someone made money on this while George got screwed on the copyright for the original and probaby hasnt seen a dime.

[SteveGon]

Eh, different strokes for different zombie fans I guess.

Mind you, I probably will never watch it again, but taken on its own (minus the baggage of the original and compared to most other low budget zombie films) it's passable (if, as I said, disposable).

[SteveGon]

Night of the Zombies - Don't ask me why I revisited this low grade Nazi zombie flick. (The things I do for the ZMA thread!) A U.S. secret agent searches for a strange chemical used in a WWII battle that took place in a remote alpine region of Germany. But little does he know that thanks to that chemical the soldiers who died in that fight are still hanging out as flesh-eating zombies! Porn star Jamie Gillis makes like a poor man's Elliot Gould in the lead and the chintzy production values are mostly laughable. Mein Gott!

"Must I be subjected to this insipid drivel? I'm a scientist!"

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Zombie Nightmare - Good-natured jock is run over and killed by a gang of teens headed by a sadistic jerk. Jock's mom calls in her voodoo priestess friend who raises jock from the grave. Baseball bat-wielding zombie jock goes on a revenge spree. Batman, I mean Adam West, shows up just long enough to get dragged down to Hell. Cheapo time-killer.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *1/2 out of ****


Dawn of the Dead (1978 - European version) - Revisited Dario Argento's cut of George Romero's horrific masterpiece. Still a good film, but the least of the three major versions. The changes here seem rather arbitrary: dramatic scenes (mostly from the mall sequence) have been cut, with others added, there's a bit more gore and so on. Much choppier than the other two editions.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **** out of ****


The Dead Will Walk - Retrospective documentary on George Romero and Dawn of the Dead.

*** out of ****

[SteveGon]

Fido - A comet blankets the Earth with a strange radiation
that causes the dead to rise up and eat the living. So far so good.
The living then decide the best option is to make the undead their
servants! Retro zombie comedy about a little boy and his living dead
pal Fido isn't quite the laughfest I thought it would be, but it is a nifty
little satire that doesn't spare the gore.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****



Special dEaD - Sometimes heroes ride the short bus. If you're offended
by the word "retard," or the sight of the mentally challenged killing and being killed by
zombies, well, don't even think about watching this flick. But if you've a twisted sense
of humor and a defiance of politically correct sensibilities, then by all means, dig in! When
an outbreak of zombies menaces Camp Special Dude, hard-loving, nunchuk-wielding hero
Machiavelli Stone must lead a ragtag band of special people, girlfriends and a lone black
gangsta ("I must have got on the wrong fuckin' bus!") to safety. Some overdone
moments aside, this is good, gory, not-so-clean fun.

"Does your plan include popsicle sticks and talking really loud?"

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****

[SteveGon]

The Dead Have Risen - Z-grade schlock from Charles E. Cullen has a minister's radio rantings raising the dead. Among them is a CML (Country Music Legend) zombie who searches for whiskey and his still-living paramour Loretta Lynn! Can a laconic, raygun-toting government agent (whose vocabulary seems to consist only of the phrase "You bastard!") put a stop to the undead outbreak? Who cares? Cheap, incoherent and worst of all, deadly dull.

Not to be confused with Deadlands: The Rising, Rise of the Dead, Rise of the Undead or The Rising Dead.

BOMB!

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


The South Will Rise Again - Follow-up to The Dead Have Risen is just as bad. A law prohibiting the public display of the Confederate flag causes the Rebel dead to rise from their graves in search of cheap beer, sourmash whiskey and redneck women. Howlingly chintzy production is tedious to sit through.

BOMB!

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Zombie Farm - Terrorists poison the water supply of a small California town, turning the residents into flesh-eating ghouls. Can a college student, a survivalist and two FBI agents stop the undead hordes? Typical (and
typically underlit), but not bad.

"You're going to kill me?"

"Yeah."

"But Jennifer and I were going to have lesbian sex with you tonight!"

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Brains - Humorous short about two pals who've trapped some zombies in a phone
booth. But these zombies have evidently seen Return of the Living Dead!

Watch it here.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****

[Greg_S_H]

Don't know if you mentioned it, but I watched "Undead" on the recommendation of "Walking Dead" author Robert Kirkman. I lasted about 20 minutes. What a turd.

Quote:

Mansion of the Living Dead - Jess Franco silliness that should have been called Hotel of the Living Lesbians.

That title would have made it a must-see.

[SteveGon]

I've seen Undead and it could have been decent were it not for so many "stupid" moments.

[SteveGon]

Dead Moon Rising - Fun little no-budgeter filmed in Louisville (that's Looahvull!), Kentucky. A worldwide zombie epidemic is turning people into crazed zombies. In Louisville a ragtag band of suvivors try to make it to safety - but where can a safe haven be found? Lots of cheap CGI gunplay and blood spraying, but the film doesn't take itself too seriously and the cast is better than average for this type of flick. The hero here comes across as Steve Buscemi by way of Clerks. Bonus points for the gratuitous lesbian kissing scene.

Not to be confused with Deadlands: The Rising, Rise of the Dead, Rise of the Undead, The Rising Dead or even Black Moon Rising.


**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Curse of the Maya - A troubled woman and her psychiatrist lover buy a cabin in the mountains near the Mexican border and find the grounds haunted by a zombie Indian family. Turns out these modern day Mayans were murdered and are now getting revenge on anyone who crosses their path! Not really awful, just....lifeless. Some good kills though, including a cool Joe Estevez head-ripping. Todd Bridges, in a role symbolic of his post-Different Strokes career, plays one of the living dead.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Zombie Prom - Entertaining musical short finds a girl from the right side of the tracks in love with a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Naturally her parents object so she breaks up with him. Heartbroken he commits suicide by jumping into the reactor at the Francis Gary Powers Nuclear Power Plant. But it's not long before he returns as one of the living dead, ready to take his beloved to the prom! RuPaul has fun as the uptight, morally-conscious principal who wants zombie boy booted from the school!

"My parents didn't like you when you were alive, what makes you think they'll like you now that you're dead?"

Note: you can download this for free at iTunes (limited time only)

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****