[Ronn.W]

Howard's End
Stern's show puts the "um" in "tedium"

Like most people who aren't from New York, I have always found it hard to pry my eyes open while Howard Stern is talking. In theory, I approve of the whole offensive/obscene/outrageous shock-radio shtick, but the only thing that's ever offended me about his show is how slow it is -- the guy sure does like to take his time between punch lines. When he was the king of terrestrial radio, he was more fun to catch on E!, with the hours of chitchat boiled down to a half-hour's worth of dick/fart/stripper jokes. Everybody assumed that he'd go wild on Sirius, since now he could swear all he wanted with no FCC or corporate suits butting in. Yet after just a couple of weeks on the air, his show already puts the "um" in "tedium." He sounds like he no longer has to deal with anybody who doesn't kiss his ass, and as a result he sounds like a bored, gloomy fifty-two-year-old man. How did this happen?

The bright spot of the show's opening week was Star Trek's George Takei, hired as the new announcer, sharing his gay-Hollywood memories with a constant "oh my" giggle. But he was live in the studio for just one week -- maybe not the shrewdest move, since he was the best new idea the Stern crew came up with in their holiday vacation. Howard spends most of the mornings talking about how famous he is, how loyal his listeners are, how many millions of people are running out to buy Sirius radios, while his studio monkey-boys crowd around the mike to say, "Right on, Howard. You still the king." Fans call in to remind him he's still got it. Howard shares fun facts about his personal life (he wears gloves to industry functions because he's nervous about shaking hands; he's had a nose job and liposuction under his chin). He tries to play Allman Brothers songs on guitar (they're too hard) and has phone sex with Jessica Hahn (he doesn't enjoy it). He talks a lot about how bad his New York replacement, David Lee Roth, is. If you thought his sidekicks were useless suck-ups before, get a load of them now. Robin compares him to Martin Luther King Jr. Artie says the main reason he wishes his father were still alive is so he could hear him on The Howard Stern Show. "We're making history," he gushes. And this was the first seven days. By next month, Howard will only be able to keep himself awake ordering the staff to do tag-team ass-to-ass action.

No wonder he's bored -- he's got nobody to piss him off anymore. He's on his own network, with two whole stations mainly devoted to "Howard 100 News," including post-show recaps and a "Superfans Round Table." His new bosses have even cleared the way for him to sell off $200 million worth of shares in Sirius stock. But he's already dreaming of the next gig, musing that he should form a supergroup with Bubba the Love Sponge, Rush Limbaugh and other talk-radio giants. "You know, a supergroup," he explained to Robin. "Like Blind Faith -- they were a really great supergroup." But on the first day he was already back to railing against the FCC and corporate censors -- nostalgic for the good old days when he had enemies, reminiscing about how badass he used to be.

Roth's show is more interesting just because it's so skin-crawlingly awful. In these days of bland Clear Channel/Infinity corporate radio, it's bracing to hear a guy who has no idea what he's doing. He can't remember too many of the wild sex and drug stories from his Van Halen days, so instead he talks about being an EMT (he's delivered babies: "I'm on my fourth," he says) and interviews his eighty-eight-year-old Uncle Manny, who used to book Bob Dylan. It's the voice of an archetypal American loser, refusing to admit his eat-'em-and-smile days are over. Listening to Roth, you feel actual physical pain. I bet Howard must be jealous.

ROB SHEFFIELD

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/sto...ion=6.0.11.847

[Ronald Epstein]

Read this article the other day in the magazine.

Interesting to read it here.

[WillG]

Stern went ballistic over this article the other day and went off for a good amount of time on the writer of the article and Jann Wenner. At least this time he admitted he has real thin skin.

[Rich Malloy]

The XM forum seems oddly preoccupied with Howard. He's on the other service, right?

[Jeff Gatie]

Quote:

The XM forum seems oddly preoccupied with Howard. He's on the other service, right?

Well when your flagship jocks are obsessed, the listeners tend to follow.

Time for me to tell an inside story about O&A vs. Howard. While it is true that O&A were disdained by Howard when they came to New York and Infinity, they had a long history of trashing him before this, when they were on other stations. This was part of the reason for Howard's dislike of them when they came to Infinity. Early in their careers, they had said they admired Howard, how he was their idol and then proceeded to trash him left and right at every opportunity.

Compare this with what Howard did with his most influential radio idol, Charles Laquidera of Boston's WBCN, who Howard listened to when he went to college at BU. Howard never had anything bad to say about Laquidera and showered him with praise. When given the chance to take over the morning drive on WBCN, Howard refused the spot and relegated himself to the 6-10 PM slot because of loyalty to Charles. He kept this slot in Boston until Laquidera semi-retired (Charles still did a show from his home in Hawaii, but he was basically retired). It was only then that Howard took over the morning slot at WBCN.

Quite a contrast in how an "idol" was treated, eh?

[Ronn.W]

Quote:

The XM forum seems oddly preoccupied with Howard. He's on the other service, right?

I think if I had posted this in the Sirius forum they would have rioted and burned my house down.

[WillG]

Quote:

Time for me to tell an inside story about O&A vs. Howard. While it is true that O&A were disdained by Howard when they came to New York and Infinity, they had a long history of trashing him before this, when they were on other stations.

I wasn't an O&A listener until they came to NY from Boston. But even when they were at New York, I don't remember any heavy attacks on Stern from them until he started messing with them behind the scenes. Do you have any examples of them trashing him from before they came to NY? I have never heard any big Stern bashing stories from those days.

The only attack I remember from their early days in New York that might have been considered big was when they tooled on him the day he went on the radio and discussed the separation from Alison. But even that could have been after the bad blood started and, not to mention, it was a huge story that day. It's not like the attack came out of nowhere.

[Jeff Gatie]

Quote:

I wasn't an O&A listener until they came to NY from Boston.

They were not in Boston, they were in Worcester (WAAF) and they were pitted against Stern's shift at WBCN. WAAF, although sometimes hard to receive in Boston, still competed directly with WBCN for listeners. Thusly, the "rivalry" was borne and given Howard's ownership of the airwaves in Boston, you can be pretty sure on which side it was more prevalent. I didn't even know who O&A were until I heard them on WAAF one day and stopped switching channels because I was fascinated (in a car wreck sort of way) by their obessed, psychotic rants about Howard.

[WillG]

So is it true that Howard is now going to the FCC to have them stop stations that pirate the show and people who post the show audio over the web like I have been hearing? If it is true...Wow. I mean, great if he does not want his show pirated (although one has to question why he cares so much that people are listening without a Sirius subscription since "All he ever wanted to do was a good radio show" and that "He never cared about making money") but if he is really now going to the FCC..I can't believe he would do that.

[Jeff Gatie]

Quote:

although one has to question why he cares so much that people are listening without a Sirius subscription since "All he ever wanted to do was a good radio show" and that "He never cared about making money")

He can't have a "good radio show" without the subscription revenue to pay for the studio, duh. I suppose you would not care if your employer goes out of business tomorrow as long as in the meantime you get to do "quality work"? Howard and Infinity have already stated that he turned down an astronomical amount of money to go to satellite and be uncensored. Now he's supposed to let people steal from the very company that allows him to be uncensored?

Quote:

but if he is really now going to the FCC..I can't believe he would do that.

And if you were going to report a pirate radio station, what agency would you choose? The ATF? The FDA? The Boy Scouts?

[WillG]

Quote:

He can't have a "good radio show" without the subscription revenue to pay for the studio, duh. I suppose you would not care if your employer goes out of business tomorrow as long as in the meantime you get to do "quality work"?

But from Howards own words, he should have nothing to worry about concerning his company's future. He talks all the time about how stores can't keep Sirius units in stock, people insisting on having Sirius turners in their cars, a huge jump in subscriptions since he announced his move people now primarially associating "Satellite Radio" with "Sirius" What's there to worry about?

Quote:

Howard and Infinity have already stated that he turned down an astronomical amount of money to go to satellite and be uncensored.

500 Million and another approx $250 mil in stock isn't an astonomical amount of money? I guess maybe if we're taking about Lira or Pesos. Yes I know it's over 5 years and he doesn't keep it all but come on.... Was Infinity beating the Sirius offer?

Quote:

Now he's supposed to let people steal from the very company that allows him to be uncensored?

No, he doesn't have to like it. But it is going to happen and there is little he can do about it.

Quote:

And if you were going to report a pirate radio station, what agency would you choose? The ATF? The FDA? The Boy Scouts?

Of course you would go to the FCC. But this is an agency that Howard pretty much equates to the Antichrist and it seems very hypocritical that he is willing to go to them when he has a problem (if true)