What are people teaching their children!?

Paul D G · 02-02-2006, 04:11 AM

I just need to rant.

As a parent of a (soon to be) four yr old (and a 1yr old too) I find myself constantly amazed at the way other parents are with their kids. If I had a dime for every time I saw a toddler standing up in the seat of a grocery cart while the parent doesn't even seem to care... I mean, the kid will fall head-first if the cart is jolted even the slightest... but I don't want to go off on a tangent.

I'm not saying we're perfect parents, but we try to do things right. But I have to say we're shocked (SHOCKED I tell you!) at the things my son learns from the other kids at preschool.

Here is a conversation my wife had with the boy when he came home today:
3yr: I have a job to do!

Mom: What is it?

3: I have to shoot the monster! (shooting is something he learned about from the other kids a long time ago, we try to steer him away from this but...)

Mom: You do? Can I help?

3: Nooooo, you're a girl! Girls are princesses.

Mom: What are you then?

3: I'm the Shooting Man! I put the bullet in the gun then I shoot! (he then loads the gun (!) then strikes a pose - which is nothing new - and starts shooting. This is where we usually stop him, but the whole loading the gun thing was totally new and somewhat horrifying)

Mom: Then what happens?

3: Then he falls on the ground and I kick him! (he then starts wailing violently on said fallen monster)

We were just gobsmacked! What the hell is going on in the house of the other little boy who taught him this? A three year old shouldn't be learning about this type of stuff!

I read an article a few months back about children being expelled from pre-school. I sorta rolled my eyes at it but now I can completely see it. There is one boy in my son's class who's all set for a life of trouble. He kicked my son in the groin(!) when they both went for the same toy. And when my wife was discussing this incident with the teacher she saw him slap another kid across the face. And the next day my son reported that he bit someone else. I figure any day now this kid is going to disappear from the class. We hope at least.

Recently when I picked him up I asked if he played with Andrew (his best friend) that day and he sulked "No! He says he's not my best friend (the ultimate put down) and I can't play with him because I'm white and he's black!" WTF?! Where did this concept even come from?! Fortuantely this passed fairly quicked but still...

-paul

Dave Poehlman · 02-02-2006, 09:03 AM

My wife is a elementary school teacher in a rather low-income blue collar neighborhood.

The kids will come in talking about movies they've seen... we're talking horror slasher flicks and R-rated stuff... and they're in 5th grade.

Usually it's the parents who are engrossed in the TV not aware what their kid is absorbing. Normally, I'd say they need to use more common sense.. but these are parents who show up drunk for parent/teacher conferences.

Christ Reynolds · 02-02-2006, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Recently when I picked him up I asked if he played with Andrew (his best friend) that day and he sulked "No! He says he's not my best friend (the ultimate put down) and I can't play with him because I'm white and he's black!" WTF?! Where did this concept even come from?! Fortuantely this passed fairly quicked but still...

it either came from home, or tv. i think kids are inherently blind to color, and wouldnt come up with such a thing on their own. i'm sure kids wonder why certain people have different color skin than they do, but for the kid to say "we cant be friends because i'm black and you're white" has to come from some outside influence.

CJ

Mark Dill · 02-02-2006, 11:32 AM

I sympathize with you, I really do... it is no fun to have your kids exposed to things you feel they are not ready for. But at the same time - boys will be boys! You cannot completely repress his instincts to take risks and to want to "be the hero". Sometimes it seems like parents think they can bring up a perfect little robot if they just create the right environment, but really your boy needs challenge and competition and yes, some "rough play" with other boys.

I highly recommend the book "Wild at Heart: Discovering the secrets of a man's soul"

Now I know you definitely have valid concerns. Your boy at 3, does not need to hear about loading a gun, or that "girls are princesses" or any other such nonsense. But that's where your role as the parent comes in. Go ahead and talk to your son about these things and don't worry if he wants to "kill the monster" every once in a while. BANG BANG! It's harmless fun for him. Remember, he doesn't have the full knowledge and background about guns and violence that you do - for him it really is a simple little game. Monsters are bad - I shoot the monster with my gun - I am the hero - YAY!

RemyC · 02-02-2006, 11:50 AM

I've been watching kids at my job for years now, and I tend to step back and watch the parents more often. It's more than obvious where children learn what they learn. Most parents don't realize how much children are like sponges. They observe all they can, and repeat anything possible with deadly accuracy.

Censoring a child is never the answer because what you don't teach them or let them see they're going to learn from the other kids who get it from "big bro" or "big sis". However, with the proper guidance a child can learn the difference between right and wrong, but day after day I watch parents who simply don't care anymore and let the child run and do what they want and offer no guidance at all.

My all time favorite comment from parents are "I told him not to do it..." What do you mean "told him"??? Why didn't you do anything about it when you watched him climb a five foot wall and jumped feet first into his little sister who's now being treated for injuries while your son is still running around tripping up the others around him? For God's sake, don't just say it - back it up, and sending him to his room when ya get home (ya know the one with the TV, DVD, DVR, Game consoles) is just not going to cut it anymore!

Let kids be kids yes, but be the parent!

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KevinGress · 02-02-2006, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Now I know you definitely have valid concerns. Your boy at 3, does not need to hear about loading a gun, or that "girls are princesses" or any other such nonsense. But that's where your role as the parent comes in. Go ahead and talk to your son about these things and don't worry if he wants to "kill the monster" every once in a while. BANG BANG! It's harmless fun for him. Remember, he doesn't have the full knowledge and background about guns and violence that you do - for him it really is a simple little game. Monsters are bad - I shoot the monster with my gun - I am the hero - YAY!

I tend to agree with most of this. However, I see no problem with boys thinking that girls are "princessess" - teaches them to respect women; boys can later learn that girls and women can do almost anything they can.

But I agree that a moment like that can be used as a teaching exercise. Don't like guns? Just point out to your son that guns can kill and he doesn't want to kill people right?

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem if my son was "shooting monsters", I just would have told him that he should never point guns at people and that he should never shoot people. Monster are ok, 'cause they're not real, but not people. I want my children to respect guns but not to fear them.

I think your child is fine; I'm more worried about the ones in his class - especially the one kicking and biting. He needs some discipline.

todd s · 02-02-2006, 11:59 AM

As a father of 3 kids (11,8 & 3). I completely agree. I have seen & heard it all. My wife is also an elementary school teacher and the stories she tells me...its sad. And its amazing how many parents just don't give a crap.

Chu Gai · 02-02-2006, 12:58 PM

The color thing I don't like. The make believe hero thing with guns goes after a while. I'd just let it peter itself out.

MickeS · 02-02-2006, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem if my son was "shooting monsters", I just would have told him that he should never point guns at people and that he should never shoot people. Monster are ok, 'cause they're not real, but not people. I want my children to respect guns but not to fear them.

I agree. Kids will want to play "hero" and "bad guy", and even really little ones will unfortunately come across gunplay fairly early, through friends, even if they don't do it in the home (especially if they play elsewhere where older kids are also present). I think the best thing to do is teach about guns not being used against real people, like said above.

As for how people teach their children, I figured there's nothing I can do about that, and I'll just do the best I can with my kid.

I saw kids as young as 3-4 years old during a showing of "Hannibal". I can only imagine the wonderful things a child that age will learn from that movie.