It does not exactly sound like you are cruise material, Scott. A few comments before you reject the idea completely however. And so you know, I fall into the non-cruise category—except in special circumstances.
If you are interested in a major cruise line, you might check out a video (usually available in video stores and from travel agents) and there are some WEB sites that offer decent information. Checking one of these out (Carnival) convinced my wife, son and I, that we would rather have root canals than be a part of enforced merriment. Plus some of these ships are really big (of course you can argue that there is a lot of chance for avoiding people in a case like that).
On the other hand, there are some things that are really hard to see any other way (the Inside Passage, for example). My wife and her father took an Alaskan cruise on a very small ship and they just loved it. My wife and I took a cruise from Java to Sumatra where we passed through where Krakatoa used to be. Very cool to imagine the explosion that happened—and to see the new volcano growing. That was an overall OK trip, but mostly I’d have soon done something else.
There are plenty of cruise ships with very relaxed dinner dress standards. You pretty much have to hit the upscale ones in order to have to dress up.
You might very well find a specific cruise with which you would be comfortable—and love it all. They all vary so much that I’d be cautions however.
As an alternative have you considered spending the time in one of the very nice resorts on one of the islands. This will probably cost about as much as a cruise, but the accommodations will be far better, the food as good (or better) and, depending on where you stay you can could go snorkeling or diving or sailing or horseback riding or whatever every day.
My wife and I have stayed at one on the Big Island that we loved. Even better was a very small place (about 20 or so individual units) at a resort in Fiji. Everything was included, including Veuve Clicquot champagne and unlimited. No phones allowed. In fact there was not even a cell on the island. No TV. There were way more staff than guests. Basically you could do whatever you wanted (at least in the island context) and if you did not like what was on the menu, you just talked to the chef beforehand and he would fix what you wanted. Plus you could stroll down to the wine cellar and decide what went best with your meal.
We swam, snorkeled and dove every day—mostly right from our own private beach.
About as romantic as you can imagine—it only cost money.
Here is a link for
Kona Village Resort on the Big Island. We stayed there and I can highly recommend it.