Anyone else deal with this?

I am the only one that suffers from anticipation anxiety? Every major life change has been accompanied by extended periods of it, with frequent panic attacks and irritable bowel syndrome. It first struck me when I was in middle school and attended a summer program at a local college. At the time, I had no idea what was causing it and was too embarrassed to bring it up to anyone so I just rode it out. It lasted a couple weeks; one night I was watching You've Got Mail with my mother it vanished as quickly as it appeared. I didn't have another period like that again through high school, though sometimes I'd get a little anxious if I was sitting around on weekends with nothing to distract me. Then I went to college. I spent the first night in the dorms glued to the toilets, and suffered panic attacks on and off well into December. I finally got over that, but hated the school I was at (and the major I was in) even after setting aside the anxiety. The good news is, when I beat it, I beat it. I had none of those anxious moments during downtime like I had before going in the tunnel and out the other side. I transferred to a communications school in Boston, where I promptly had another panic attack followed by anxiety that fortunately lasted only a few days. Absolutely loved Boston, even with a less than ideal living situation. The nature of my major -- journalism -- battled with my shyness and every article had anxious moments. But that is what I would call normal nervousness; it comes when the thing you're nervous about is imminent and passes once the ordeal is through. Moved into a better living situation the following year, and life was pretty great until May.

As a graduation present, my parents helped me pay for a trip to Ireland where I met a friend from another Boston school studying abroad. Things were great the first three days, a really excellent trip. Then the third night, we're staying at a really nice B&B and a panic attack strikes out of the blue. Four or so hours of panic attacks rolling one into the next follow. I finally got to sleep that night, but I suffered from general anxiety the rest of the trip. Three days after it started, my friend managed to get a heavy-duty antihistimine from a pharmacy that allowed me to sleep the last several nights. I refused to let it get in the way of the trip and we did everything we'd planned on doing (except I kept to soda at the bars due to the IBS), but the anxiety made the trip less fun than it should have been.

Now after a roundabout few years, I've graduated and in the job hunt. Things are going really well, but I've been suffering from another anxiety streak for about a week now. It the same old cycle: what if I take a job and I hate it? What if I'm overwhelmed? What if I can't make it? which quickly gives way to being anxious about the anxiety. I'm a good worker and have had a great experience with all my previous employment, so I know once I'm settled into a routine, I'll be fine. But in the meantime, my days are brutal. It's at the point now where I can't wait for the interviews I have scheduled, because hopefully once they're over, the anxiety will be too. I'm sick of my stomach churning, just killing my appetite.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

Adam: That sounds like it really sucks. Have you been seen by a doctor about it? It is sometimes a difficult issue to diagnose/treat/cure (Anxiety/panic) but some treatments are very effective for certain patients.

My wife suffers anxiety issues/attacks and they are no fun.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

Thanks for the kind words, Mike. I went to a psychologist once, and she didn't want to do anything until the next appointment. I decided at that point that I needed to deal with it myself, and I did. If it were a chronic problem, I'd probably start therapy and medication, but it only seems to surface during high stress situations with a high degree of unknown. Even miserable situations, once they become predictable, don't cause anxiety attacks. Once I'm in a situation, I go into problem solving mode and do fine. It's the anticipation that kills me, as my brain can't help but explore every possible bad scenario, either consciously or unconciously. I thrive on routine, and the anxiety is caused by the disruption in routine. Now that I know what I'm dealing with, I just ride it out as best as I can -- and refuse to let the anxiety make decisions for me.

How does your wife deal with it? I didn't start the thread with the intention of venting, even though that's how it sort of came out. I just know that other people suffer similarly, and I was wondering how they handle it.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

But it's not always that easy...is it?


My wife has seen a number of different people...all who seem to have had different approaches. She tries calming exercises, visualizations, soothing music, etc. We have a strong faith, so she'll often turn to prayer. She has also been prescribed medication...but she is hesitant to use it.

It is a really difficult situation for anyone. I wish you luck with it.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

I suffered from anxiety/panic attacks for years. It was so bad when I was younger that I was even house bound for two years. I couldn't go into a grocery store, mall, movie theater or even fly without feeling some sort of panic. It was awful. I avoided crowds, social situations and any kind of event or gathering where I felt nervous.

Eventually I sought out help and started seeing a psychologist. she wanted to prescribe me Paxil and Xanax, but I am not into the medication thing, so I used breathing and visualization techniques to help me through my episodes.

Some of the techniques she used were things like making me drive to her office alone, parking in the parking lot of a grocery store or mall and then eventually getting out of my car and walking in the doors of buildings and places I avoided.

Eventually, I was able to get past my anxiety and live a normal life. It was hard, but worth every penny I paid for therapy to help me get through it. I still get panic attacks once in a while, but they are nowhere near as bad as they use to be and I can talk myself through it. I realize that nothing is going to happen to me and that stress can be worked through.

Most of my anxiety was stress related, but there were a few other underlying issues that I had to deal with as well. It really helps to talk with some one about it and to seek the proper help. Medication does help some people and might be something to consider.

I remember being ashamed and embarrassed of my condition at the time and didn't want anyone to know about it, but now I realize that most people go through some form of anxiety and panic episodes at some point in their lives. I drive, fly (by myself for the first time last August) and I do everything I use to do prior to having horrible episodes. It's an amazing thing to get through it and know that I will continue to get through it.

I wish you all the best and if you ever need to talk about it or want some advice, feel free to PM me.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

Adam: I figured I better clear it with the missus that I talked about some of her "personal stuff" on the forum.

In her response to an e-mail in which I sent her the link, this was her response (as background, I mentioned that you split your time between Albany & Boston and were a journalist--which we both are, too. Broadcast for me and Magazine for her. Both attended Newhouse at Syracuse University):


Now, off to let her know I quoted her e-mail response!

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

Thank you, Lucia and thank you, Mike. I'm currently working two jobs, one permanent but part-time job for a local wallpaper company that I'm really enjoying and a two-week test scoring job that I despise. Together, though, they keep me pretty distracted so that the anxiety is more of a "twinge" through the day. Mornings are the worst for me, when I just wake up. I'm not sure if that's because after spending all day calming myself down I psych myself up in my dreams, or if the anxiety actually stops when I'm unconscious and the morning misery is feeling it settle right back in again.

Right now things have settled into a manageable rhythm -- I'm not loving how I feel, but my appetite's back and I have no problems getting through my day. If things get bad again, I'll definitely check out your wife's recommendations. The biggest hopeful sign is that my curiosity is starting to come back; the first sign that I was getting into a depressed or anxious funk has always been a growing disinterest in the world around me, which is bizarre since I'm usually curious about everything. I'm hoping once I land a job and settle into a routine again, it'll dissipate the rest of the way. One of the biggest changes now that I'm back in Albany full-time that I think is contributing to my problem is the massive change in lifestyle. In Boston, I walked or rode the T everywhere and walking is very calming for me. Once you get outside the Madison/Eagle/State Street area of Albany, walking just isn't very feasible. I find myself driving from one computer screen to the other, inside way more than previously. I'm also more socially isolated than before; I went from having classes with friends and newsrooms with friends, a roommate, regular sources, etc. to having my parents and a couple high school friends that are still in the area.

Interesting what your wife said about writers tending towards the neurotic side. Even when I'm not having one of these bouts of anxiety, I'm pretty neurotic. The difference is, I like how I feel then.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

The one thing about the life of a journalist, Adam, is that every day brings the potential for new adventures and experiences.

And yet, while that is true, it is also true that--like any job--journalism also takes on a rhythm and a pattern which you will find to be a calming thing, I would suppose. Once you've been doing any job for a while, you will find that the tasks become repetitive. That's how you get good at them!

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

I'm in that boat too Adam. Throw in occasional depression too. Blah! I try to remain positive by realising it will always pass after a little bit of time.

I used to get these mild attacks when eating in a restaurant. Strange. I'd be talking to whoever I'm there with and suddenly my brain would go all cloudy. A lot of effort to keep it from being noticable. Lately that doesn't happen so much because I've settled down quite a bit since graduating from college years ago. But every time something happens that will bring it back. But again, you just have to remain positive that time is the healer. Never stop believing that it will pass and you'll be alright. Even if a job doesn't work out you'll find another and it might even be better. Stuff like that bothers me too. I've been stuck at a horrible unfun radio station run by a tyrant/dictator former military type. It sucks, but it pays the bills. Still, there is plenty of anxiety fuel. Oddly, this bad job have helped me get used to life's problems that cause depression and anxiety. I guess experience is how you learn to get over whatever it is messing with your brain.

But...good luck on your job search. I'm about to do the same before long.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

I get nervous before things like job interviews or driving alone to unfamiliar places, and sometimes this causes irritable bowel. I think a certain degree of nervousness in new or stressful situations is normal. Everyone gets the butterflies, even seasoned public speakers.

The weird thing is that I really like traveling to unfamiliar towns to play in large poker tournaments with a bunch of strangers but I get very nervous and shaky about it before the game starts. I don't know why, I love the game and although I am a bit shy at first, I am not afraid of strangers. I just learn to live with it, because I really like playing in these poker tournaments. By the time the game is over I am fine and I've met a few new people, but beforehand I am a wreck. Yet I keep doing it.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

Adam, can't help you with the anxiety issues, because I'm the type who thrives on stress (my heartbeat actually goes down under stress). But I can help with the other symptom. I suffer from IBS like symptoms due to a post-infectous reaction to a vicious bout of traveler's disease that left me permanently . . . uhhh . . . unregulartized.

It took me 3 years and a battery of tests, but once diagnosed it was a cinch to treat. The answer? First, a 1/4 dose of an anti-anxiety med daily. Not enough to even know you are on anything, but enough to take care of the symptoms. Second (and this is more important than the first) fiber, and lots of it. Eat a high fiber diet and take fiber supplements so you are up to about 16 grams a day and the symtoms should lessen by far. Plus, it's good for your heart, your digestion, and one of the best preventions for certain cancers.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

That's interesting, because restaurants are so random and yet my father also had problems with restaurants and anxiety a few decades back. Since mine are always macro issues (big changes instead of specific triggers) that's not a problem I've had. I've been doing a temp job for the past week. Even though it's a generally mind numbingly awful job -- grading the same MCAS test question over and over and over... -- the routine even just over the course of a few days has done wonders for me. Right now, other than being more acidic than usual, I'm my regular old self again. I've got a big job interview tomorrow (which is why I was hesitant to start this thread in the first place) and I actually am far less anxious than I was during the weekend. Like Jeff, I do much better when I have a task in front of me that I have to work at and solve and that's how I approach interviewing as well. I'm sure I'll have the normal butterflies tomorrow, but the preparation is actually quite calming for me. It's the ambiguity and driftlessness of unemployment that was causing me the most problems. That's the ONLY nice thing about having experienced it before. I was far better at coping this time, and the experience of beating it before was a strong argument that I could beat it this time. My freshman year at college was the worst of my life, in no small part due to the longest and most intense anxiety attack I've had to day. Even once I beat the anxiety and homesickness, I hated the place itself purely on its own merits. But that year taught me more about life and myself than any period before or since. My current job struggle has given me a whole new appreciation for the workers out there who are struggling to make it, and how short a distance it really is from success to curb. Same to you! Even though I've veered off the journalism path right now (though circumstances may yet force me back onto it!) it did wonders for helping me with those moments. One of the things I dread the most is cold calling -- calling someone unsolicited out of the blue for an article or conducting man on the street interviews. It's still not my favorite thing in the world, but the profession forced me to man up and get through it. Now I wouldn't hesitate to call someone up for information, and take new situations far more in stride. I'd imagine it's the fear of judgment. Surrounded by a field of strangers, you feel out of place. As the tournament goes on, the barriers break down and allow you to feel at ease. None of us likes to go out of our comfort zone, but we usually find it to be a rewarding experience when we do. Thanks for the tips, Jeff. I think the lack of regularity is a big part of what causes my anxiety, since it's almost always manifests itself gastrointestinally. The panic attack in Ireland I'm sure had to do with the jet lag, which threw my internal rhytyms out of wack. As a journalist/journalism student in Boston, I didn't maintain a terribly regularly schedule, but I was still eating breakfast and supper at roughly the same times each day. Now that I'm swapping between contract work and temping, I squeeze meals in when I can -- which is really unhealthy. Just getting my meals synched to a daily schedule would probably do wonders for my digestion. I'm not ready to try anti-anxiety meds yet, but I'll definitely look into fiber supplements.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

Good luck on that interview.

It sounds like you'll look back on school years from now with fondness.

Incidentally, I'm 41 and I've been out of school for many years. But can you guess what I dream about the most these days? I call it my "School Dreams". Usually I dream I forgot to go to class all year and the final exam day has come. Often I can't find my classroom and keep going in the wrong room. The amount of anxiety at school was staggering. I wish I could have dealt with it better since I ended up going to a smaller school. I was homesick to a certain extent. I think if I could have brought my old dog with me I would have done better going to school away.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

I tell ya...preparation is key to most things in life. If you want to do well at something...it's all about the preparation. I tell all new hires in my office that the best way to succeed at the task at hand is to do some simple preparation. A little goes a long way.

I remember reading Derek Jeter's book The Life I Imagined. In it he tells of how every day after school he would go home and hit off a tee one-thousand times before he would allow himself to do anything else. If a friend came over after school, the friend would park himself on Jeter's couch in front of the TV while Jeter went through his routine. It might sound extreme...but look who had a goal and is playing shortstop for the Yankees today.

When my wife has a stressful event in her future (let's say a long trip) she has learned that preparing herself by learning the route gathering devices such as portable DVD players and iPods and making sure they're charged really go a long way towards helping calm her concerns.

It seems simple...but the more you know about a situation (read: prepare) the easier it is to deal with whatever comes. especially true when it comes to rehearsing (practicing, role-playing) for job interviews, etc.

And, good luck on your interview, Adam! You too, James!

EDIT** One last word on job interviews. A friend of mine just got a job after trying for two years. She was feeling kind of beaten down and doubtful that she had been trying for so long to find something. I told her about a book I had read a long time ago when I was looking for my first job in my chosen field of broadcasting. It was called "Guerilla Tactics in the Job Market" and it included a page with the word "no" re-printed on it hundreds of times with the word "yes" printed once at the very bottom. In the text, the author advised taking that page and after every interview/rejection circling one of the "no"s. The point was: you need to channel the rejection as a positive event and say that every rejection gets you one step closer to the inevitable "yes." It is so easy to get mired down in the rejection which becomes compounded when friends and family (your support group) tries to encourage you by asking "how'd the interview go?" only to make you re-live the negativity of the experience. Just look at each interview as another step in the longterm process of finding your "dream job" and it really helps keeps things in perspective.

But I fear I digress.

Re: Anyone else deal with this?

I have to admit the last job interview I went on was around 2000. I was a few hours late because I couldn't find the radio station. It was a small town and I figured it would be easy to find. I asked a lot of people but nobody knew. I saw some people outside the high school and even they didn't know. Seems the station didn't cover local sports. I had to call the owner 4 times since I didn't have a cell. I was unable to find it based on his directions. At one point I was thinking "Forget this, I'm going home"...but then I thought about it, just as you're saying Mike: I can relax and just get the experience of an interview for a job I will certainly not get. No...I didn't get the job. But the owner was extremely nice about everything. I over appologized, a big no no. I needed to show more confidence in a bad situation like that. Also, I didn't have enough to back up my abilities even though I could do the job blindfolded. I didn't take a aircheck CD since I thought he had listened to the audio I put online. Oops! He hadn't. I should have had what he needed to hear. The job would have been less work than I do where I am now, but about $8000-10,000 more a year (even more by this time). I won't make the same mistakes again.