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Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

#1
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3/28/08 at 7:05pm
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FOXNews.com - Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News

Quote:
"The first video we had, he was completely nude," Johnson said, noting the table in question had a hole in the middle intended to hold an umbrella.

This is in Ohio and it's freakin' cold there now. They said it was a metal picnic table and he was completely nude. You'd think he would have frozen his balls off.
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#2
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3/28/08 at 7:52pm
  • Joined: May 1999
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Damn did his hand make him sleep on the couch last night or something?
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#3
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3/28/08 at 7:54pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

All the cute blow-up dolls must have turned him down.
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#4
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3/29/08 at 7:34pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

I wonder if the table will take the stand against him...

 

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#5
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3/31/08 at 5:32am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

"please raise your left stool and repeat after me"

You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life

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#6
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3/31/08 at 5:41am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Er, you guys ever notice how big around the hole for a picnic umbrella is? So if this guy could get pleasure from... I mean, if he was big enough to... If he and the table were, um, compatible...

Hey. A picnic table may have been this guy's only option.



Regards,

Joe
My Home Theater

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My niece, "Miss Goofy Face"
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#7
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3/31/08 at 5:45am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joseph DeMartino
Er, you guys ever notice how big around the hole for a picnic umbrella is? So if this guy could get pleasure from... I mean, if he was big enough to... If he and the table were, um, compatible...

Hey. A picnic table may have been this guy's only option.



Regards,

Joe

The article states he did the table 4 times!!

Jay

You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life

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#8
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3/31/08 at 8:03am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Good thing the table was metal and not wood. Splinters... ouch!
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#9
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3/31/08 at 8:19am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

How would you feel if you were a friend who had been over for a barbeque recently?
Cave Country Weather
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#10
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3/31/08 at 8:57am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

LOL! How would like to be his wife.... "uh.. yeah... my husband left me for.... a picnic table"


It doesn't say a whole lot for her personality.
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#11
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3/31/08 at 9:27am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Wow, that's not too far from me. I have some tables for sale, perhaps I should contact him. They're cherry, so I suppose that equates to a redhead in his world? He'll have to drill his own hole, though.

Lay down your law books now, they're no damned good -- The Eagles

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#12
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3/31/08 at 9:30am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Price, a married father of three school-age kids
When you've all finished having a good snigger, just think what life must be like for those kids at the moment.

Cases of paraphilia can be funny in the abstract, but naming names is just plain wrong when there are innocent people involved as well. Heck, the guy hasn't even been brought to trial.
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#13
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3/31/08 at 1:05pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Originally Posted by KurtEP
Wow, that's not too far from me. I have some tables for sale, perhaps I should contact him. They're cherry, so I suppose that equates to a redhead in his world? He'll have to drill his own hole, though.
From the article's title, I don't think he'd have a problem drilling things.

EDIT: Oh, and for the record, I never read the article, just the title as posted here, so I feel entitled to a little snigger.

Now, that I know that this fellow has children, I do feel sorry for them, but no more so than for any child whose parent is accused of an unusual crime.

 

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#14
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3/31/08 at 1:55pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Good thing the table was metal and not wood.

Yeah, wood on wood... could have started a fire.
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#15
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3/31/08 at 4:40pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

..and I will have a really hard time taking out the picnic table this summer..

Jay

You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life

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#16
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3/31/08 at 5:48pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Father of 3 what? Chairs?

CJ

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat anymore, I just use the restroom! And then I CAN eat more!

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#17
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3/31/08 at 6:51pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay H
..and I will have a really hard time taking out the picnic table this summer..

So will he.

Joe
My Home Theater

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My niece, "Miss Goofy Face"
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#18
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3/31/08 at 7:46pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay H
..and I will have a really hard time taking out the picnic table this summer..

Obviously, picnic tables don't need to be taken out before they'll give you sex.
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#19
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4/2/08 at 6:16am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

The charges, much like his pants, have been dropped.

Regards,

Joe
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My niece, "Miss Goofy Face"
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#20
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4/2/08 at 6:25am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Laws, Acts, and Legislation

A very very cursury search for Ohio public lewdness laws, it sounds like it should be a misdemeaner unless he has a convicted history of previous acts and or the school was in session. I didn't see a mention whether the guy did the table when school was in session or say in the middle of the night. He'd have to almost have pleaded guilty of convicted three times before this becomes a felony, just because there was a school nearby, doesn't mean that there was kids there to view it.... and because he was seen 4 times before doing the same table, he wasn't convicted or pleaded guilty to those 4 times...

The poor table...

Jay

You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life

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#21
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4/2/08 at 2:03pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Maybe the picnic table was over-age.
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#22
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4/2/08 at 4:14pm
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christ Reynolds
Father of 3 what? Chairs?

CJ
I thought it was funny

"Did you know that more people are murdered at 92 degrees Fahrenheit than any other temperature? I read an article once. Lower temperatures, people are easy-going, over 92 and it's too hot to move, but just 92, people get irritable."

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#23
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4/5/08 at 7:11am
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Re: Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

What was his opening line?

"Hey baby, great legs!"?

Look up!  Scream in terror!  Get smooshed!  Fear me, for I am PARTYZILLA!

facebook.com/getthebuzz  facebook.com/partyzilla

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