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Zombie Movie Appreciation Thread

#241
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Got called into work so my zombiefest was limited to two features and short.

Zombie Christ - There are those who won't want to watch this so they can stop reading now. In this revisionist and sacrilegious short, the resurrection of Jesus is corrupted by the forces of evil, turning the son of God into a flesh-eating zombie. Can a high-kicking Mary Magdalene and the staff-wielding disciple Simon called Peter put a stop to his cannibalistic rampage? Godawful and really rather silly, but it does boast some chuckles if you've a bent sense of humor.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Dawn of the Mummy - Graverobbers break into an ancient Egyptian tomb, the not-so-final resting place of an evil mummy who awakens and goes on a killing spree. But this bandaged baddie doesn't play alone, no, he's got flesh-eating zombie minions! Luckily for them, a fashion photographer has just arrived with a gaggle of whiney victims....er, models. So-so up until the exciting Wedding Crashers climax.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The House By the Cemetery - Or, There's a Zombie in Our Basement. This Lucio Fulci creepout has a professor and his family moving into a old house with a decidedly bad reputation. Typically loopy Lulci-fest (say that three times fast), but has its share of intense moments. Odd finale, too.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Also read the Marvel comic Black Panther #28, in which the new Fantastic Four (reorganized after the events of the Civil War storyline and consisting of the Human Torch, the Thing, Storm of the X-Men, and the Black Panther), pops up on the Skrull homeworld after a trip to the Negative Zone. Unfortunately it's the Skrull homeworld in the Marvel Zombies universe and the planet is under attack by the cosmic power-fueled undead sextet of Iron Man, Power Man, Giant-Man, Spider-Man, Wolverine and the Hulk ("Hulk say: Get in Hulk's belly!!!"). Got all that? There'll be a quiz later!
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#242
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Zombie Christ. That is priceless! Where else on the net can I learn about such a feature? Thanks dude.

Real Name: Arthur Belling of "St. Looney Up-The-Cream-Bun-and-Jam"

BEAR: 1992?-2007.
GOLDIE: 1997-2008.
Still mourning my girls.

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#243
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House of the Dead - Dumb teenagers go to island for rave. Dumb teenagers get killed by zombies. Can't tell the difference between dumb teenagers and zombies so who cares? Uwe Boll's living dead epic isn't quite as apocalyptically bad as I'd heard, but it's not very good either. Stupid stylistic indulgences aside,
its main failing is its sheer mediocrity - the film feels like an especially-poor Sci-Fi Channel outing.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


House of the Dead 2 - Sometime after the events of the first House of the Dead, zombie outbreaks have become common. When a university is overrun by the living dead, an army squad is sent in to search for a first generation zombie in the hope of finding a cure. Um, there's a possible cure for dead? Silly maybe, but the film is actually a lot more fun than its predecessor. A little characterization goes a long way.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Wicked Little Things - Years ago a group of child laborers were sent down a mineshaft where they promptly perished due to the cost-cutting measures practised by the mine's owner. Naturally they return to haunt the area as flesh-eating ghouls, waiting for the chance to avenge themselves on the mine owner's descendants. All this is potentially interesting. Unfortunately the zombie kids massacre lots of innocent folk so it's hard to get behind their cause. The main baddie is an asshole, but he's not given enough screen time for us to really work up a mad-on for him. And worst of all, the gory goods are displayed in scenes so darkly lit that you can hardly see anything. What a cheat.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Pet Sematary - A family moves into a New England home adjacent to a cursed Indian burial ground. A burial ground where the dead don't stay dead for long. Throw in wandering tykes and hurtling semis and you've got the recipe for an undead disaster. So-so adaptation of Stephen King's novel.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island - What?

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****
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#244
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Zombie 5: Killing Birds
From the opening:
Zombie 5: Killing Birds is another in the series of unrelated Italian zombie films. It may carry the Zombie moniker, but it is not related to Zombie 4: After Death nor Zombi 3. Also, you will notice that midway they even decided to change the spelling of zombie, from the Italian to the English versions. So, the Zombie tag is nothing more than a marketing gimmick at this point. You will also notice that when the film starts, it is merely Killing Birds, no Zombie to be found. Once the film completes, you will also discover that it has very little in the way of birds or zombies, both are much more prominent in (still unrelated) Zombi 3. The last thing you will discover, if you make it all the way through, is that it is easily the weakest of the bunch, and offers none of the nonsensical fun that previous installments provided. Again, this is assuming that you make it all the way to the conclusion.

Stacy written back in 2004.
From the opening:
You know, I've been sitting here for the past half hour trying to come up with how to approach reviewing this movie. What I have come to is that no matter what I write, I will not be able to do this film justice, nor will I be able to adequately convey just how bizarre this movie is. I first heard about it almost a year ago in a Doogan's Views column at The Digital Bits. It also had reviews of Versus, which I have also tracked down, and may review at some point, and Junk, which I am still tracking down. The theme of the column: Zombies.

Undead also written in 2004
From the begining:
I read about this movie first over a year ago when it was reviewed at Ain't it Cool News. At the time the film makers were having the initial meetings in hopes of picking up a US distributor. Unfortunately, a year later, it doesn't look like that is going to happen. The review was very enthusiastic, and the movie went on my must see list. Since it did not not get a US distribution, I eventually forgot about it. Then a few weeks back it somehow came to mind, I think it may have been mentioned in another review or something, I really don't remember. I decided to look it up, and found it at an Australian based DVD retail site, Atlantic DVD. Seemed like a good deal for it, and I decided to order it. Two weeks later, it arrived in my mailbox directly from the land down under. I eagerly ripped off the plastic and dropped it into my gloriously region free DVD player. What I was presented with was a wonderful concoction of horror, suspense, action, and comedy inspired by the likes of George Romero(Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead), Sam Raimi(Evil Dead I+II, Spider-Man 1+2), and Peter Jackson(Dead Alive, Frighteners, Lord of the Rings Trilogy).

Still raiding old reviews:
Wild Zero
Here is a bizarre film, no hidden meaning or anything here, at least not that I can tell. I heard about this awhile back from a group of reviews which consisted of this, Stacy, Junk, and Versus. It was over at The Digital Bits, I believe. I had already had Versus, which I really liked, then a few months back I obtained Stacy, still haven't gotten Junk yet. Well, my experience with Wild Zero began again when I found a couple of copies at Best Buy a few weeks back, both were rattlers (you know, you pick up the case and here the disk loose inside), I decided to take a chance on one of them and lost. I returned it, as the other copy was loose as well. A week later I was back in there and they had another copy, guess what? It too was a rattler. I was just not having any luck with this title. Again, I was in there the other day and found yet another copy. I was sure it too would shake, but it didn't, finally I could buy it. Brought it home, ripped it open, found nice unblemished disk, slipped it into the player and started. Now all I had to worry about, would it live up to the hype that was growing in my head. The answer, yes and no.


Written in 2006
All Souls Day
From the beginning:
All Souls Day began life on the Sci-Fi Channel as one of their original films. I remember watching it and not really thinking all that much of it. Now, here we are, a few months later, and Anchor Bay has just released the film in all of its uncut zombie filled glory. Well, sort of.

Cemetery Man
Zombie horror meets arthouse. That's a fitting way to describe this truly bizarre rumination on the nature of love and death. The film plays by it's own rules, it is quite clear that this film does not take place in the same world that we live in. Black comedy married with gore, with a dash of the surreal, sprinkled with the profound. I'm sure there is much more to this film which is on the surface, but I haven't peeled away all the layers yet as what is on the surface is so much fun.
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#245
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I liked Zombie 5 better than parts 3 & 4, even with its relative lack of zombies. If you want to check out more crazy Japanese zombie flicks, try Tokyo Zombie and Zombie Defense Army. Both are a lot of fun.
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#246
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To Maim a Mockingbird - A girl visits her grandmother's grave and gets attacked by zombies. Then a man shows up and likewise gets moshed by the undead. That's it in this pointlessly-titled short that feels more like a promo reel for a feature film.

See it here.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Blood of Ghastly Horror - Schlocky drive-in fare about a braindead Vietnam vet who's turned into a homicidal zombie by a well-intentioned doctor. Decent enough for its low budget, but very choppy due to multiple recuts.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


Corpses Are Forever - As you might guess from the title, this one mixes secret agents and zombies. A CIA operative wakes up with amnesia and is told that he's part of an operation that's trying to keep the devil from taking over the world, a foul plot that's already in progress as evidenced by the hordes of zombies roaming about. But what does a dead serial killer have to do with it all? Disparate elements don't quite gel, but a good try.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Revolt of the Zombies - Follow-up to White Zombie has a madman learning the secret of how to turn men into undead soldiers. The unusual Cambodian setting elevates it a bit.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Zombies of Mora Tau - Treasure hunters are menaced by the zombie crew of a sunken ship in this slightly above average, old school zombie shocker.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


The Restless Dead - Homegrown, computer animated zombie flick. A buisnessman tries desperately to get home to his family after the living dead overrun his city. Not bad at all considering it's a solo effort, though the limitations of the software are at times obvious.

See it here.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****
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#247
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Finished up Marvel Zombies Vs. Army of Darkness with issue #5. It's the final showdown with Ash, Scarlet Witch, Dazzler and Doctor Doom on one side and just about everyzombie else on the other! Witness Ash's secret plan to stop the undead legions! Witness the inglorious fate of the Necronomicon! And what a hairy conclusion!
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#248
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Teenage Zombies - A group of teens stranded on an isolated island run afoul of a Communist scientist and her plans to zombiefy the good ol' U.S.A. I thought Michael Bay, American Idol and crap zombie movies were doing that just fine, but whatever. Cheap, dull production though the cast seems earnest.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels - Throwback to the horror comedies of the eighties has a vampish biker and her hulking bodyguard zooming into a small town and opening up a hot wax parlor. But little do the residents know that her treatments will turn them into hairless, sex-crazed zombies! Fun if you're in the mood for a lot of silliness.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


Curse of the Sun - Thai horror flick mixes an undead hitman with low rent John Woo-style action. Cheesy time killer.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Angry and Moist: An Undead Chronicle - Comic short based on H.P. Lovecraft's Herbert West: Re-Animator finds Herbert West's half brother Norbert Crest doing similar experiments in his basement. If people would stop ringing his doorbell that is! Low rent to be sure, but a real hoot and better than either of the Re-Animator sequels.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The Dead Pit - An amnesiac young woman arrives at a mental hospital just moments before an earthquake releases a zombified mad doctor from his basement tomb. Just what is her connection to him? And can she survive his army of flesh-eating zombies? Slow going until the climatic living dead attack.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****
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#249
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveGon
Zombies of Mora Tau - Treasure hunters are menaced by the zombie crew of a sunken ship in this slightly above average, old school zombie shocker.

**1/2 out of ****

[color=darkred]Splatometer rating: zero out of

Ha, I just watched this one. It has some entertainment value if you like 1950's horror nonsense. It does include the beautiful 50' woman in the cast, but the movie isn't as good as the one that made her famous.

Chris
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#250
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The Ghost Breakers - Enjoyable comedy chiller stars Bob Hope as a radio show host who investigates a haunted Cuban castle. Only one zombie here but he's pretty creepy.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Mutant - Bo Hopkins and Wings Hauser headline this shocker about a small Southern town where people are turning into crazed ghouls thanks to an illegal chemical dump. If it sounds familiar, it is, but with Bo and Wings, what more do you want?

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Neon Maniacs - Dumb eighties horror outing finds the citizens of San Francisco terrorized by costumed ghouls and monsters who live under the Golden Gate Bridge. Marginal at best as a zombie movie so save this for when you're really desperate for an undead fix. The best thing about it was the Mister Miracle cameo.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Devil Story - Rare - and quite awful - bit of Eurohorror nonsense. A woman vacationing in the countryside is menaced in order by a deformed maniac and his psychotic mother, a demonic horse, and a mummy and his undead bride. Schizophrenic film isn't quite sure what subgenre it wants to inhabit and the terrible editing doesn't help. Still, it's not everyday you see ships erupting from cliffsides and mummies stomping out the guts of their victims. Hardly any zombie action though. Trash fans should love it.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ***1/2 out of ****


Dark Echoes - The residents of a lakeside Austrian village are stalked by the zombified captain of a ship that sank in the lake many years before. Fine location shooting takes your mind off the fact that there's only one zombie here and he runs awfully late.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


A Fistful of Flesh - One joke short about a zombie family and what makes for a good meal.

See it here.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****
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#251
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The Hills Are Dead - Cheap short has zombies attacking people in the hills outside a small town. Can a scientist and a redneck stop the undead?

See it here.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Doomed - The Running Man meets Battle Royale plus zombies! On the futuristic game show Doomed, felons are sent to a zombie-infested island that they have to cross in order to win the ultimate prize: freedom and fifty million bucks. But they may just be more dangerous to each other than the hungry dead! Entertaining low budgeter.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Terror Creatures from the Grave - A murdered medium comes back for revenge and uses plague victim zombies to do his dirty work. Atmospheric Brit chiller is cheap but offers up some surprising gore. No full-on zombie action, but still worth a look for undead fans.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Necropolis Awakened - Mad Max meets Phantasm plus zombies! A trio of hitman are hired to kill the last, stubborn survivor of a town where the residents have been turned into the living dead. But are they willing to work for the demonic mastermind orchestrating the undead invasion? Cheap and uneven, but surprisingly watchable.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Shaolin Vs. Evil Dead - Feuding Taoist monks, zombies, hopping vampires and demon warriors add up to very little in this kung fu/horror hybrid. Starts off well, but then wanders aimlessly to a rather abrupt conclusion.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****
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#252
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Any review for Night of the Living Dead 3D?
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#253
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Haven't been able to see that yet, unfortunately. (Or fortunately from what I hear!)
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#254
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Zombie (Zero) - Teens camping in the woods witness two strangers burying a corpse and dig it up only to discover they've uncovered a zombie! Undead outbreak ensues. Disposable short that isn't too badly done. Not sure what the titular zero is for.

See it here.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The Day It Came to Earth - Cheesey chiller about a mob victim whose corpse is reanimated by a meteorite. After getting revenge on the mobsters who murdered him, he shambles around scaring teens (I guess he never read Killing Teenagers for Dummies). Hilariously bad movie has one brainstorming cop postulating that the zombie is a GGG, or Geologically Gaseous Goon! All that and George Gobels, too!

"I'll never forgive myself for missing out on those precious waffles!"

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


My Boyfriend's Back - A teen dies trying to impress the girl he loves and comes back from the grave for one last dance in this silly but enjoyable zombie flick. Pretty funny at times and you get to see some of today's big stars in early roles - hey, that's Philip Seymour Hoffman as a thug! And he gets eaten!

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****
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#255
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Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things is a film that came out in 1972 and for it's time it is good. It was creepy back then but the music was and still is creepy as hell. I wouldn't be surprised is they remake this again, I hope they can capture some of the creepiness.

I have no love for any of the Resident Evils, the actual games are scarier than the movie, what a waste...
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#256
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Well, Les, they ARE remaking Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.
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#257
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Double-down.
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#258
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Flesh Eater - First zombie Bill Hinzman directed and starred in this redo of Night of the Living Dead. A farmer unearths a zombified witch and unleashes an epidemic of the undead on the world. Familiar, but not as horrible as I'd heard (bad acting aside). Hinzman throws in ample amounts of nudity and cheap gore to keep things interesting.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Voodoo - Corey Feldman goes to college and joins a fraternity of the undead in this so-so nineties horror outing.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****
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#259
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Dead Clowns - A circus train derails and sinks into a bay, leaving a carload of clowns entombed underwater. Fifty years later they return from the dead and stalk random victims in a town beseiged by a hurricane. Cheap and murky, but given a boost by the Fulci-esque zombie clowns.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Dead Heist - Gangstas rob a small town bank only to discover that the cops are the least of their worries: a horde of ravenous ghouls has cut a swath through the town and now has the bank surrounded! Not bad mix of the heist and zombie genres; marred somewhat by an abrupt conclusion.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Dinner - A clueless suburbanite couple invite their new zombie neighbors to dinner in this humorous short.

"I hate South America! It's full of bugs....and religious people!"

Download it for free here.


**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


I Heart Zombie - A young woman must decide what to do after her boyfriend is turned into a zombie in this effective short.

Watch it here.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****
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#260
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Les Samuel
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things is a film that came out in 1972 and for it's time it is good. It was creepy back then but the music was and still is creepy as hell. I wouldn't be surprised is they remake this again, I hope they can capture some of the creepiness.

I have no love for any of the Resident Evils, the actual games are scarier than the movie, what a waste...
I've debated for years about picking up Children Shouldn't Play...for my Halloween viewing. It looks real fun but I'll most likely pass it by this year as well.

The first RE is okay but it doesn't work too good for repear viewings. The sequel was terrible.

Real Name: Arthur Belling of "St. Looney Up-The-Cream-Bun-and-Jam"

BEAR: 1992?-2007.
GOLDIE: 1997-2008.
Still mourning my girls.

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#261
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The Zombie Diaries - UK filmmakers Kevin Gates and Michael Bartlett beat George Romero to the punch with this video diary-themed zombie apocalypse flick. A mysterious virus sweeps the globe, turning its victims into flesh-eating ghouls. A news team, a husband and wife, and a group of survivors holed up at a farm all record their trials after the outbreak. But a common agent may prove to be more dangerous to them than the undead hordes!

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Pet Sematary 2 - A widower and his grieving son take up residence near the ol' Creed place and soon enough dead dogs, school bullies, asshole sheriffs and beloved moms are poppin' up like deranged daisies. Average fare until the over the top ending that has zombie mom screaming "Dead is better!" over and over while she goes up in flames. And dig that happy ending where dad and son drive out of town while the faces of the departed are superimposed on the screen. Oh, I'm sorry, did I just spoil the ending? Guess you'll have to skip it.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Mansion of the Living Dead - Jess Franco silliness that should have been called Hotel of the Living Lesbians. Four strippers vacation at a mysteriously-deserted resort where they fall victim to an undead priest and his skull-faced monk minions who like to play Inquisition with tourists. Atmospheric film takes a cue from the Blind Dead series but the horror is diluted by the soft core sex and cheap makeup.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


Strangers in the Night - Short homage to zombie films chronicles an undead outbreak at a top secret research facility. Funny stuff.

See it here.


*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****
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#262
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Zombies By Design - The crew of a live home makeover show is beseiged by the living dead after they decide to do a surprise redesign at the house of a mad scientist. Loaded with chintzy CGI, cheap gore and bad acting, all of which I can handle, but boring? Zzzzzzz.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Forest of the Dead - Ever hear the story about two groups of campers who decided to stay the night in a cursed woods? Half are turned into Evil Dead-ish flesh-eating ghouls (no explanation on how they're turned is ever given) and chow down on the survivors. No crappy computer generated effects here, but there's plenty of bad acting (excacerbated by goofy character affectations) and cheesy splatter. Not to be confused with Severed: Forest of the Dead which features honest to gosh zombies. Gets bonus points for an interesting "head" scene.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


The Woman Eater - A mad scientist feeds women to a giant, carnivorous African plant in the hope of distilling from it a serum that can raise the dead. Moderately entertaining little flick that unfortunately has little zombie action.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


Storm of the Dead - After a hurricane strikes Florida the state militia is ordered to shoot looters. But woe betide the soldiers who execute the thieving grandson of a voodoo priestess! Semi-professional film isn't bad, but there's only one zombie and he doesn't show up until the very end.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Children of the Living Dead - Unofficial sequel to Night of the Living Dead hardly lives up to its namesake, but neither is it all that awful (methinks the film's detractors haven't seen some of the truly awful zombie flicks out there). Some years after the undead outbreak depicted in NOTLD, another wave of zombies menaces a small town, but this time they're led by a reanimated serial killer! The first half (with Tom Savini kicking ass) is better.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Trivia: number of times I've used the term "flesh-eating" in this thread: 43
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#263
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Diary of the Dead (2007)


Diary of the Dead is a clever revision of the events of the first Dead film, instead of taking place in the sixties, the new film takes places in today's era of phone cameras, camcorders and the Internet...and Romero has plenty to say about those.

The film that we see is a home-video project created by amateur filmmakers ("The Death of Death") detailing the beginning of the Zombie outbreak.

This film is definitely more restrained than Argento's, but there's plenty of innovative zombie kills utilizing both Greg Nicotero's wonderful make-up and some well done cgi effects (the low budget didn't skimp on the effects work).

The Diary premiere was a madhouse, it was standing room only and the place was swarming with zombies. Romero and his entire cast were there as well as Greg Nicotero and Dario Argento sitting in the audience.

To see photos and video of the premiere, visit the TIFF Midnight Madness blog here:

http://tiff07.ca/blogs/blog/default.aspx?blg=3

       

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#264
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Oasis of the Zombies - Treasure seekers look for gold at a desert oasis guarded by undead Nazi soldiers in this cheesey zombie opus from Jess Franco. Not as execrable as I'd heard, just dull.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Dead & Buried - A small town sheriff investigates a series of murders and uncovers a dark, dark secret in this little horror gem from Dan O'Bannon.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Invisible Invaders - Silly sci-fi'er has, get this, invisible, radioactive aliens invading and reanimating the bodies of dead humans so they can wage war on mankind. Definitely a contender for most ridiculous plot ever! The main drawing point here is that the undead bear a striking resemblance to Romero zombies, creatures who wouldn't take the stage for another nine years.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****


War of the Dead: Episode Two - The guys (and girl) of Z-E-R-O (Zombie Emergency Response Operations) are back! This time the zombie-killing soldiers are tasked with taking out a squatter community that's been invaded by the living dead. But a gruesome scenario plays out when the female member of the squad is assigned to watch over a pregnant woman who's been bitten by a zombie! Fairly well done, though the team banter is a bit overplayed.

See it here.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****
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#265
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Strike - A group of bad actors try to escape a house that's been surrounded by zombies in this undead short. Nothing to see here, keep moving folks!

Watch it if you've got seven minutes to kill.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Resident Evil: Extinction - Some years after the zombie apocalypse, heroine Alice joins up with a group of survivors who are plying the Nevada desert looking for supplies. Unfortunately she's being tracked by an evil scientist from the Umbrella Corporation who needs her blood for his viral experiments! Loud and void of any depth whatsoever, but hella better than part two. And when's the last time you saw zombie crows?

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Toxic Zombies - The government sprays a marijuana patch with an experimental pesticide that turns hippie cultivators into murderous fiends. Can a lone Forest Ranger put a stop to their rampage? Chintzy fun.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Nightmare at Noon - In this drive-in semi-classic, the late great Brion James plays an EMA (Evil Mute Albino), a nasty piece of work who poisons an isolated town's water supply. The residents then morph into green-blooded, maniacal killers! Luckily, B-movie stars Wings Hauser, Bo Hopkins and George Kennedy are on hand to kick ass! You want more than that, go rent some fucking Bergman.

"I guess that solves the croissant problem!"

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


The Rising Dead - With the world overrun by the living dead, a VIP plane flies to Cuba in search of a government sanctuary. After it crashes in the jungle, a tough federal agent must shepherd the survivors to safety. Well done for its aspirations, with some surprisingly effective gore and an off-kilter atmosphere. A few bits could have been tossed, including a disembodied arm (straight out of The Evil Dead) and the Star Trek II-esque finale. Not to be confused with Rise of the Undead and Deadlands: The Rising.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****
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INCLUDES BONUS FEATURE NOT AVAILABLE IN THE SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE THREAD!!!


The Serpent and the Rainbow - Revisited Wes Craven's voodoo thriller that has an American anthropologist investigating zombies in Haiti. But the undead turn out to be the least of his worries as he's targeted by an evil government official! Okay, but nothing special.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Living Dead Lock Up 2: March of the Dead - Sequel finds our escaped convict hero holed up in a hospital along with other zombie apocalypse survivors. Can they find a cure for the undead plague? Completely low rent and damn near incomprehensible.

* out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Feast of the Dead - Five buddies try to figure out what to do in a zombie attack. Watchable, but hardly distinguishable from the zillion other shorts like it.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****


Night of the Bums - Big slice of cheese from indie auteur Charles Cullen (not the serial killer). Three witches concoct a brew that turns the local bums into flesh-eating (44!) ghouls. Can the chainsmoking mayor and the mysterious Texas Hangman put a stop to their rampage? Somewhat endearing and filled with chintzy effects, but there's also a bit too much filler.

"The bums are on dope!"

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Meat Market 3 - A husband and wife hole up in a house after zombies have taken over the world. But are the undead hordes real or has the wife simply gone mad? Best entry in the series leaves out the goofier aspects from the first two films and blends in elements of the psychological thriller (only at the end are connections with its predecessors made clear). A bit more polish and they might really have had something here.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Deadhunter: Sevillian Zombies - Guerrilla zombie flick from Spain follows the titular Deadhunters as they try to stop an undead invasion. Obviously wants to be another Bad Taste, but lacks the charm. Gotta give 'em credit for making a movie like this without having the budget for blank cartridges (that actors just shake their guns!).

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Zombie Xtreme - Short sequel to Deadhunter has two Deadhunters playing the hottest new game in town: Zombie Extreme (a funhouse filled with the undead)! Pretty much on par with its big brother.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Evil Night - Short from the director of Deadhunter has four friends on a camping trip attacked by the living dead. Forgettable fare excepting the cheap gore.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


(The brief return of) Today's Tally:

Amunition expended: 859,406 rounds

Blood spilled: 398 liters

Intestines eaten: 9.4 kilometers

Ocular appetizers: 2 or 3

Exploding heads: about a dozen

Severed heads: at least 3

Crushed heads: 1

Various severed appendages: half a dozen or so

Bisectings: 1

Boobs on display: 3 pairs

Undead boobs on display: 1 pair

Hot chicks that should have gotten naked: 4

Baby chow: 2

Bimbo chow: 2

Male stripper chow: 1

Undead Emos: 1

Puppet men: 1

People who didn't pay attention in shotgun safety class: 1

Smarmy corporate bastards: 1

Mexican wrestler cameos: 1

Lloyd Kaufman cameos: 1

Midget zombies: 1

Spanish clowns: 1

Funky dances: 1

Macho posturing: way too much

Annoying Death Metal soundtracks: 1

Crappy folk songs: 1

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom moments: 1

Stupid people killed: not enough
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Come Get Some! - Low budget living dead flick has an evil federal agent staging a zombie outbreak in order to retain his government funding. But standing in his way are four tough broads, a sadsack secret agent and a truckload of rednecks! Ingratiating film was a hit on the festival circuit, though it loses points for its grating Death Metal soundtrack. Sorry, but I can only take about five minutes of that crap.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Creatures from the Pink Lagoon - Six homosexuals celebrating a birthday at a beachfront cabin find themselves under attack by gay zombies in this silly, endearing little gem. Just put away your testosterone and enjoy, dammit!

"I know a showtune-loving friend of Dorothy when I see one!"

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Dead World - Super cheap but effective film about a little girl trying to survive by herself after the zombie apocalypse. The cobbled-together soundtrack (utilizing old theremin themes and the like) helps.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Super cool bonus feature not included in the Scary Movie Challenge thread!!!


Today's tally:

Amunition expended: 494,209 rounds

Blood spilled: 206 liters

Intestines eaten: 6.4 kilometers worth

Bisectings: 1

Severed heads: 3 or 4

Severed appendages: lost count

Boobs on display: 0

Boobs that should have been on display: 8

Pinata heads: 1

Cat chow: 1

Elvis zombies: 1

Elvis shrines: 1

Dropped lighters: 2

Bogarted cigarettes: 1

Funky dances: 3

Annoying Death Metal soundtracks: 1

So much for that blowjob moments: 1

Judy ex machina: 1

Stupid people killed: 7
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The Killbillies - Killer title, dreadful film. Feuding hillbilly clans pit their demented sons against one another and thrown in for good measure are a few zombies and aliens. Unfortunately the grossout humor and a few hilarious lines can't save it from being a chore to sit through.

"Pa, I just fucked a zombie!"

1/2* out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Night of the Living Dead 3D - Enjoyable (if pretty much disposable) remake of George Romero's classic in three dimensions. Doesn't have much bite, but worth a look if wanna kill some time. High praise indeed, no?

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Night of the Living Bread - Silly short parody of Night of the Living Dead substitutes slices of bread for zombies. Break out the toaster!

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: zero out of ****


28 Weeks Later - Sequel to 28 Days Later has survivors of the rage epidemic in Britain confined to an island holding facility while the U.S. Army cleans up. Unfortunately for them you can't keep a good virus down. Tense and exciting, with some unexpected twists; I liked this better than the original.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Blood of the Beast - Interesting (if a bit pretentious) entry in the arena of cheapo zombie flicks is set in the year 2031, after a global war has killed a third of Earth's population and rendered most of the survivors impotent. Scientists successfully launch a cloning program, but something goes wrong with the first strand and campers in the Deep South find themselves on the run from flesh-eating ghouls. Found war footage, an ambient soundtrack and a climax that plays out as a silent film make this one a cut above average.

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****
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Blade of Death - An ancient samurai returns from the dead and goes on a slice and dice rampage in this cheap, underlit horror comedy.

"I'm in no mood for chasing monsters!"

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Lord of the Dead - Goofy horror comedy about a fat nerd whose discovery of an evil old book (ostensibly the Necronomicon) turns him into the titular demon, a turkey-headed hellspawn whose very touch turns his victims into zombies! Dumb, but ingratiating.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: *** out of ****


Buttcrack - A college student accidentally kills his roommate, an annoying slob whose refusal to wear belts frequently exposes his buttcrack to the world. Unfortunately the roommate's sister is a voodoo practitioner who resurrects her dead brother as a vengeance-seeking zombie! About as good as could be expected given its title, though the rantings of the Preacher Bob character take up way too much of the film's already short running time.

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: ** out of ****
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Gory Gory Hallelujah - Four desperate Seattle actors take a road trip to New York but run afoul of Southern inhospitality in this goofy horror comedy. Hard to dislike a movie that has a dwarf Elvis, a feminist cult and a massacre of Bible-thumpin' hypocrites by flesh-eating zombies!

"You damn dirty Elvis!"

**1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Ghoul School - Two splatter fans discover the true meaning of terror when their high school swim team is turned into crazed ghouls. Cheap production isn't too bad once the action starts, though its already short running time is padded with too much comedy relief.

*1/2 out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


The Boneyard - Fun horror flick finds a county morgue beseiged by nasty zombie children (here called "kiyoshi" demons). An offbeat heroine and a demonic poodle make this one a small winner.

*** out of ****

Splatometer rating: **1/2 out of ****


Graveyard Disturbance - Slight film from Lamberto Bava has a group of teens taking a bet to stay in an underground tomb where they encounter the undead. Pretty dumb and disappointing for gorehounds, but it has its moments thanks mostly to Simon Boswell's score (later recycled in Santa Sangre).

** out of ****

Splatometer rating: * out of ****
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