Your favorite SEINFELD line

"They're real and they are Spectacular!

I totally forgot about the Kramer Movie phone episode. That whole skit is hilarious.

When he ask for the first three digits, then just guesses what they put, great stuff.

Comes on twice a night where I live.

Frank: Jerry, it's Frank Costanza, Mr. Steinbrenner's here, George is dead, call me back.

- The Caddy

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

"Yes Elaine, I can approve these expenses. But I'll need to see this hat!"

-J. Peterman in Burma (you may know it as Myanmar)

Dominik Dröscher wrote (post #28):


If that's the episode I remember, I thought Jerry Seinfeld asked that question.


Kenneth_C wrote (post #23):


A perfect example of a Seinfeld quote that needs no explanation or context. This line has almost passed into the American vernacular as a "saying" (to which everyone who hears it knows the backstory).


Jeremiah wrote (post #19):



Better still, from the same episode:

Elaine: "Honestly, I don't know how you guys can walk around with those things."

From The Dealership (probably my favorite episode).

It's full of great lines.

But only one . . . so . . .

[Setting: Dealership back room]

(Jerry walks up to the vending machine. George is on his stomach, reaching under the vending machine for change)

JERRY: (Tapping the door you lift to retrieve your candy on the machine) I think the candy comes out over there.

GEORGE: People can drop change down here, Jerry. And they’re too lazy to pick it up.

JERRY: Either that, or they’ve got a little hang-up about lying face-down in filth.

Great Thread!

I'll be back

JKS

One of the great and sometimes quite subtle aspects of Seinfeld scripting is the use of repetition and parallelism (often unexpected).

Some of the best lines that are spouted are, indeed, contextual, but the context changes from character to character. It's often the surprise of the repetition of these lines that makes for their hilarity.

Some examples of this kind of line are

a) Anthony Hom wrote (post #64):



Kramer's blown line in a Woody Allen production that is repeated in other situations. ("The Alternate Side")


b) "You are sooooo good-looking." (Jerry Seinfeld's suggested way to diffuse all "relationship"-tensions in "The Good Samaritan". It ends up not doing him any good.)

c) "Serenity now!" ("The 'Serenity Now'")

Spouted by several characters but the best is Lloyd Braun's retort at the end: "'Serenity now', insanity later."

d) The aforementioned "Not that there's anything wrong with that." (voiced by many) ("The Outing")

e) "He dipped his bald head in oil and rubbed it aaaallll over my body" (Goiter Lady giving Elaine the skinny on her affair with the Mahatma) parallels George's telling the young Senegalese servant woman who speaks no English: "I'd like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it aaaalll over your body." ("The Old Man")

There are surely others---at least one a repetition of one J. Peterman's catalog narratives---that I can't think of right now.

Short, but the delivery was priceless.

Kramer: "giddyup"

A line my wife and I use all the time
From Putty (sp?):
Squinted eyes: "Yeah that's right"

HAHAHAHHHAHAA, I spit out a mouth full of Pepsi when I read that. I could just hear Kramer saying it.

My quote: "I was really perkolating" --The Pilot (not the Seinfelt Pilot, but the episode called The Pilot #63 and 64)

Are you the master of your domain?

From "The Contest"

"It's time for the airing of the greivances."

Happy Festivus,
Steve

From The Switch:

George: "Do you realize that in the history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the roommate switch. In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it."

Jerry: "They didn't have roommates in the middle ages"

George: "How do you know?"

Jerry: "Well, for one thing, they didn't have apartments"

George: "Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200 somewhere there were 2 women living together"

2 other lines from later in that episode:

George: "Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"

Jerry: I'm not an orgy guy


It is so hard to pick just one episode!! I can honestly pick out a great line from every episode!!

Pete

Another example of this:

From "The Maid"

KRUGER: Hey, look at George. He's givin' it to T-bone. He's jumpin' up and down like some kind of monkey. Hey, what was the name of that monkey that could read sign language?

WATKINS: All right, you can have T-bone. Stop crying.

GEORGE (sniffling): I'm not crying. And I shouldn't have said that about your wife. Please accept my apologies.

Watkins and George enter the conference room.

GEORGE: Ok, everybody, uh...I have an announcement to make. From now on, I will be known as-

KRUGER: Koko the monkey.

GEORGE: What?

ALL (chanting): Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko! Koko!


And . . .


From "The Dealership"

JERRY: So, Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more "grease monkey".

PUDDY: I don’t care for that term.

JERRY: Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know..

PUDDY: No, I don’t know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector.

JERRY: I saw one once that could do sign language.

PUDDY: Yeah, I saw that one. Uh.. Koko.

JERRY: Yeah, Koko.

PUDDY: Right, Koko. That chimp’s alright. (Holds up his hand) High-five.






We use that one too! -- Yeah, that's right.

JKS

One that's just plain funny is George's line "You can stick your sorries in a sack, mister!". I don't even remeber what episode or context it was said in, it's just a really funny line.

If i'd have to pick a favorite (other than those already mentioned here), I'd have to say that the dicussion between George and Jerry after George is trying to convince him that eating a piece of leftover dessert that's laying on top of the trash in a trash can is OK, had a great line by Jerry:

"You have crossed the line between man and bum. You are now a bum."

It's the matter-of-fact tone and the determination with which it's said that make it more funny than it might seem in print.

/Mike

Mike, the good thing is that we all can pretty much know the whole scene once a line is said so even if it's not that funny in print we all still laugh.

BTW, the first line quoted was from the reverse episode and it all got started b/c Susan said it at the end/beginning.

PeteyG, you forgot the best line from "The Switch." George [incredulously] upon Jerry's chance at the menage, "This is like discovering plutonium by ACCIDENT!!"

Chris

When Jerry visits the old man (Sid Fields).

Jerry's looking at his collection of records:

Jerry: "What's all this?"
Sid: "Trash. Garbage."
Jerry: "You mean you're getting rid of this stuff?"
Sid: "That's what you usually do with garbage, ya' idiot!"
Jerry: "You don't want any of these?"
Sid: "Well, if I did, I wouldn't be getting rid of them, would I, Einstein?"

and later

Jerry: "Would you like to go out for a cup of coffee?"
Sid: "With you? I'd rather be dead!" (It was in the delivery.)

They're Man Hands!!!!!

"Well the JERK store called, and they're all out of YOU!"

Many have mentioned the contest, but the best delivered line of that episode, once again, goes to Kramer;

----------------------------

Elaine: I wanna be in on this too.

Jerry: You're a woman. It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. Men HAVE to do it, it's part of our lifestyle. It's like, ah, shaving.

Elaine: Oh that's baloney,I shave my legs!

Kramer: Not every day.

Quote:

One that's just plain funny is George's line "You can stick your sorries in a sack, mister!". I don't even remeber what episode or context it was said in, it's just a really funny line.

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That line actually is an old line that goes way back, but the first time I saw it on a sit-com was the Odd Couple in the 70's. Tony Randall used that line to Jack Klugman.

George: "You're really moving to California?"
Kramer: Up here (pointing to his head), I'm already gone...

Elaine (to George, as she pulls his head into her chest): "You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card? Here's your Christmas card!!!"

8^B

The Chicken Roaster

George: I'm like a commercial jingle. First it's a little irritating. Then you hear it a few times. You're humming it in the shower. By the third date, it's "Buy Mennen."

Kramer to Elaine and Jerry: Can't you two see...that you're in love with each other? - The Fix-Up

"Your a stubborn, stupid, silly man!!!"

Kramer to Seinfeld, who refuses to "double-thank".



"He is a loathsome, offensive brute.. Yet I can't look away.."

some artsy-fartsy guy looking at Kramer's portrait.



AAAHHHHH-HAAAAAAAA!

George to Jerry. He's caught him at something. I can't remember the gist of the episode, just that I was doing that to people for 3 days! AAAAH-HHAAAAAAA!!!

Oh, and "Serenity NOW!!!"

Basically because it brings up the whole scene, starting at
"The sea was angry that day my friends...like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli."

O.K., one more...

The Merv Griffin / Jerry's toy obsession / George's squirrel troubles:

There are some great ones throughout this episode:

Much of cast is sitting in Kramer's apt and it's the Merv Griffin set.

Kramer to the imaginary camera: "...Aaaannnnd...We're back!"

Elaine to Jerry: "Why is Kramer reading off of cue-cards?"

I just like the confusing looks everyone has while Kramer is carrying on and on.
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George while trying to stomp a bunch of pigeons to death in front of a mother and her young son:

"We had a deal!"
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The Vet to George while the squirrel lay on the operating table:
"We're going to have to send awy for some ver tiny instruments...It's going to be very expensive."
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And one more vote for Elaine:"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things..."
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"Can't-stand-ja" "Can't-stand-ja"