What are people teaching their children!? (1 Viewer)

[Jeff Gatie]

I saw a four (almost five) year old throw a textbook, straight from the shoulder out right cross into my eighteen year old nephew's face over Christmas. My reaction - "Jeez, the kid knows how to throw a punch." His fathers' reply - "He should, he's been getting beat up by his brother since he was 2. Get beat up that much, you tend to learn fast." Too many people lose their minds over what we used to call "a little roughhousing" (what they now call "violent tendencies"). As an answer to the similar thread started just before this one - Yes, we are raising a generation of whimps.

P.S. My sister from above; her children are well behaved in public places, studious, bright, polite, respectful and active in sports, dance, church, choir and karate. Like I said, the 7 year old has a hard time, but she was born with ants in her pants and likes a bit of negative attention.

 

[Micheal]

WOW! I'll agree to disagree on this one. I'm not calling them "violent tendencies" but you and the father of the child in your example act like it's fine that he threw a textbook and hit someone in the face with it. Am I reading this correctly?

No need to "lose your mind" over it but it sounds like you guys just laughed it off. What kind of example is that?

Was he even punished or did you just leave that out?

When I was a kid I threw a boot and missed my Sister, my Mother walked around the corner and it hit her right in the face/eye. Waiting for Dad to get home was excruciating. Did he laugh it off... hardly. Had I hit one of my siblings the punishment would have been the same. Needless to say I never threw anything at anyone again.

Lesson learned.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

I meant "textbook" as in "by the textbook" right cross (a type of punch), meaning he did not just ball up his fist and slap it at my nephew, he threw his fist straight out from the shoulder, rotating his upper body and shoulder into the punch to develop power.

Huh, "threw a textbook", I'm definitely not taking the blame for the misunderstanding on this one.

Sheesh, is this world really so PC that no one knows what a "right cross" is anymore??? I mean, why would I say "The kid know's how to throw a punch" if he just threw a book?

 

[MarkHastings]

And why are you blaming this behavior on other children? Have you, perhaps, thought with the notion that your son came up with this himself? Maybe he's the one teaching other kids.

No offense, I'm not calling you a bad parent, but I see a lot of parents who turn a blind eye to their children and can't even imagine they are the ones making this stuff up. They think that their kids are perfect and someone elses kids are to blame. It's the old "My child would NEVER think of this or do this on his/her own, so it HAS to be someone else influencing him/her."

Again, I'm not saying this is you, but whenever there is a child that acts violently, it's usually the parents ignorance that allows the violence to get to the point that it does.

Paul, again, I am not saying that this going to happen with you. I believe that you'll bring the child up properly...but that's not the case with a lot of people.

 

[Micheal]

Jeff, sorry. I misunderstood your post and must have skimmed after reading "I saw a four (almost five) year old throw a textbook". My bad.

Still, the non reaction to the act is what I was disagreeing with and still do.

BTW, as someone who used to box I know what a right cross is. I was just guilty of working and skimming your post.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

Why? Wrestling, punching and roughhousing are part of my family's life. My brother's oldest was not even on skates when his father taught him to pull a jersey up over the other guy's head. My older nephew and I have been shadow boxing since he was a little kid (he'd kick my butt now, but I don't tell him that). Bruises, stitches and broken bones were a badge of honor when we were kids and it's no different for this generation. "Suck it up" is something that was instilled from the time they were young and went running to their mommy for a scrape or boo boo. My nephew, when he was around 8-9 once came in crying because he hit his friend in the stomach with a wiffle ball bat and thought he hurt him. My brother and I told him about how we'd put on a hockey helmet and gloves and play "gladiator" by whacking each other with a wiffle ball bat and a leather belt, "so suck it up."

The 4 year old throwing a legit punch and having no fear of an 18 year old was nothing new or alarming, we found it a sense of pride. Want to know something you'll really find shocking? If the 18 year old dumped him on his ass because of it, we'd have told him "see, you play with the big boys and you might get hurt." We'd wipe his eyes and give him a hug, but he'd definitely hear this line - "Life's hard, get a helmet."

 

[Christ Reynolds]

i thought the same thing at first, i was also guilty of skimming. when it didnt make sense, i thought to myself "i better read that again, he can't be talking about throwing a textbook.

CJ

 

[MickeS]

Jeff Gatie, you win the HTF macho award.


You big wimp.

 

[Micheal]

Wrestling and rough-housing are one thing but hauling off and punching someone in the face is where we draw the line in our family. You want to punch someone, get in the ring. That's what my Dad taught me and that's exactly what I did.

I disagree with most of what you said in your last post. The funny thing is that I grew up with a whole different set of rules and I ended up becoming a boxer. Go figure.

I guess we're all wimps because Daddy didn't allow us to trash our siblings in his presence.

I hope the 8 year old doesn't take a baseball bat to some kid's head one day. I can just see him standing over the kid who is laying in a pool of his own blood, telling him to "Suck it up!"
:rolleyes

 

[MickeS]

A prefectly normal reaction. And then you tell him that the other kid should just suck it up, and give him ideas for how to really beat someone up? I don't even know how to respond to that.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

No, because that would be wrong. He does know right from wrong, basically because we don't freak out over every little bit of "violence" that a boy displays. He knows what really hurts and what is mere roughhousing. Just because my brother and I used to play at "gladiator" doesn't mean we started hacking our peers with swords.

 

[Micheal]

Made me think of the title of this thread. "What are people teaching their children!?"

Jeff, this is hardly normal behaviour. It is really sad to hear that it is being passed along.

 

[Micheal]

Disturbing. :rolleyes

 

[MarkHastings]

Jeff, "Suck it Up" is a fine phrase to say if the child is complaining that he's tired when you're walking through the mall, but I agree with the others that there's just something wrong about "Suck it Up" when you're talking about inflicting pain on someone.

Just as was my point (in the "Generation of Wimps" thread) about punishment...Using "Suck it Up" is something that is used to make the child rough and tough, but there is a point where you cross over that line and into brutality. As well as the point that Micheal made about teaching the child that it's ok to inflict pain on others.

There's something very wrong about that....I for one agree that people 'baby' their kids too much and that we are definitely raising a generation of wimps, but while we have to be aware of that, we also have to be mindful that we aren't raising a generation of bullies as well.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

It was a wiffle ball bat. It weighs about 2 ounces. He was more upset than the kid who got "hurt". We weren't teaching him how to inflict pain, we were teaching him not to overreact to what was normal roughhousing, not an intentional infliction of pain. He did not hit the kid on purpose, it was an accident. It was two kids overreacting to a situation that did not cause any pain worth the theatrics that was going on. The kid did not even have a welt, not even a red mark. 2 seconds later they were back outside playing.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

We (and the 18 year old) knew he could not hurt him. He barely reached his face. Geez, calm down. It was a 4 year old play fighting, not a tryout for the olympic boxing team.:rolleyes

 

[MarkHastings]

Jeff, I can understand that to an extent, but I was most troubled by this part:You talk about broken bones and stitches...now if you mean differently, I apologize, but it sounds like if someone were to get seriously injured during horseplay, you'd be perfectly fine in telling them to "Suck it Up".


And from post #95, yes, I'd probably tell the kid to suck it up, but I'd also do something (punishment wise) to the one who swung the bat. It's that balance between punishing them for doing something wrong, while not letting the kid be a pussy about a little pain.

I think some parents do one and not the other, and that's not a good thing.

 

[Citizen87645]

Hmm...I'm beginning to wonder if we should add parenting to the verboten subjects on HTF .

 

[MickeS]

From what you said, it seemed to me more like you invalidated his normal feelings of regret and empathy, that most children have when they accidentally hurt someone, by saying that he shouldn't feel bad about it.

I wouldn't punish a kid for feeling bad about hitting a friend. Just ask him about why he's feeling bad about it, tell him that it's OK to feel bad when you hurt someone accidentally and that the friend is probably OK. Also that if he feels bad about having done something he feels is wrong, he should apologize to whoever he did wrong. Then go out and play agin.

And that next time, he should make sure to go crying to mom instead, daddy's watching TV.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

I'm not so cold that I'd tell a kid to suck it up over a broken arm. But then again, I did not say that.