Wedding Present. Help! (1 Viewer)

[gene c]

I have a big wedding to go to in a couple of weeks. My sister-in-laws niece. I have avoided weddings like the plague (sorry ladies) up to now and no nothing about them. How much should I spend on a wedding present and what should I get? And what have you received that you didn't like or thought was silly? (The first one to suggest a toaster oven will have to spend 4 hours talking to a Bose salesman with the white van guys waiting for you out front!). I don't want to spend more than a family member or close friend, but don't want to appear to be a cheap bast**d either (which I really am). I don't really care how much I spend, I just want the present to be appropriate. I like my sister-in-law very much and she's pretty much in charge of things so I want to do it right. And she's way to busy right now to be bothered with my little problem. So, any idea's?

 

[Seth_L]

Give $$$$

 

[Linda Thompson]

You're always safe giving something from the couple's registry/registries (since, by definition, the couple has already given the nod of "Yes, we'd like this!"), and there's usually a fairly wide price range from which to choose.

Here's an interesting discussion which you might enjoy:

http://boards.brides.com/groupee/for...973/m/65810954

Includes a little side discussion of the "cover the expense laid out per guest" principle by which some couples abide (and view received gifts accordingly).

 

[BrianW]

For friends who didn't register for their gifts, I usually gave fire extinguishers as wedding gifts. I consider it a good gift for the following reasons:

1. A fire extinguisher, if opened, say, at a wedding shower, always gets a good laugh because of its ability to cool down a situation that gets too "hot".

2. Most important, a fire extinguisher is generally appreciated as a very thoughtful household gift that nobody ever thinks about giving. Kitchen appliances may make your life more convenient, but a fire extinguisher may save a life. Years later, they won't remember who gave them that mocha-latte microwave toast blender that broke out of warranty and went to the dump. But every time they see the fire extinguisher, they will remember and appreciate you.

3. Later, when in the presence of others, you can have this amusing conversation:
Way better than a mocha-latte microwave toast blender.

 

[gene c]

Seth, that's part of the problem. How much? Should it be $25? $200? I DON'T KNOW! Does the size of the wedding effect the amount of the present? I have no idea what would be a proper amount to spend. Don't care either, just want to do whats appropriate. And I don't think cash is. But it would be better than a toaster oven!

 

[gene c]

Linda, Thanks for the link. I think it will put me in the right direction.

 

[gene c]

Brian, Brian, Brian... A fire extinguisher?? That's it, I'm throwing the Bose guys into the white van and they are all heading to Texas! And they will find you!

 

[BrianW]

Oh, great! Another month on the lam because of something I posted to the HTF!

 

[Citizen87645]

I like the fire extinguisher idea.

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

You sister-in-law's niece? How the hell did you even get roped into going? Do you know the girl that well?

Sometimes people send out "courtesy invitations" to folks they feel obligated to include, but whom they don't really expect to show up. (I have a much younger cousin who I haven't seen in 20 years who is getting married next month. I've been invited to the wedding, which is in way upstate New York, on the Canadian border. Since we're first cousins, he had to invite me. Since I live in Florida and couldn't possibly get away at this time of year even if I wanted to, we both know perfectly well that I'm not going to be there. I'll send a gift - a check, and probably not as big as if I were attending, and that will be it. Technically all I'm obligated to do is RSVP with the news I'm not coming and - if I want to be gracious - send them a congratulatory note or card after the fact. I don't owe them a gift, and wouldn't even if I showed up. A gift is precisely that - something given voluntarily, not the price of admission to the reception or your way of chipping in to cover dinner.)

Unless the bride and groom are personally paying for the reception there isn't even any theoretical reason to relate the gift to cost of the meal.

If you're not sure about things and don't want to talk to your sister-in-law, ask your mom or some other older female relative what amount of money would be appropriate. They tend to be the social aribiters of these things anyway, and they'll be the ones gossiping about who gave what anyway. So go to the horse's mouth. I'm not sure how much the members of the HTF (who aren't exactly going to give Emily Post a run for her money when it comes to the social graces. )

Regards,

Joe

 

[Patrick_S]

Spend only what you can afford on a gift.

As for gift, it's very tacky to deviate from the registry so if they have registered buy from the list.

 

[gene c]

The more I think about that...

 

[Linda Thompson]

If you checked here:

http://macys-registry.weddingchannel...incoming_div=6

or here (alternate link to the same destination):

http://wedding.weddingchannel.com/fd...incoming_div=6

and can't find it, there may be a problem somewhere down the line, and perhaps the couple (or someone else heavily involved in the wedding preparations) should be notified so they can investigate.

And, if you checked out the discussion I linked to in my previous post, I'm sure you've noticed that NOBODY can seem to agree on exactly what's appropriate, but some people have some pretty strange ways of looking at things and keeping score...not to mention expecting their guests' gifts to basically "reimburse" the cost of the wedding.

One couple that I knew had lived together for over 2 years before finally getting married, and they made it widely known that cash gifts would be the most appropriate since they had long ago set up housekeeping and didn't really need anything along those lines, but would love to take an expensive vacation/honeymoon. I, personally, considered that to be in pretty bad taste.

As for the fire extinguisher idea...you could always upgrade the basic idea...give them an ADT or Brinks security/safety installation, and pay the first years' monitoring fees... (I'm joking, of course, but I have actually known situations in which that was done...as a gift...within families.)

 

[gene c]

Ya Linda, I read the first couple of pages of that discussion and thought they were going to start a fist fight there for awhile. As for the registry. it was supposed to be at Macy's, but since there isn't one where they live (Portland OR. with the wedding in S.F.) they changed it at the last minute. I was the last to know, of course. Found out about an hour ago! Anyway, things are looking up. Learned allot today. At least I've narrowed it down to somewhere between a fire extinguisher and a small Korean automobile! Just wish I had started sooner. My fault, as usual.

 

[ChrisMatson]

How old are the bride and groom and what is their current life situation?

When my wife and I got married, we were grateful for all of the wonderful gifts we received, but money was the most useful.

Just a few weeks after our wedding, we moved from DC to Iowa and went from two incomes to one (more like half of one) as I started medical school.

Of all my friends that have gotten married, I have never heard any complain about receiving money.

 

[Ricky Hustle]

100 bucks, unless you feel the need to give more.

 

[Mort Corey]

Of the gifts we received 27 years ago for our wedding, I can't remember a darn one (Course, I can't remember what I had for breakfast sometimes either ) The fire extinguisher I'm sure I WOULD have remembered.

Mort

 

[MarkHastings]

I've always gone with $50 per person. So, if you go alone, it's $50, but if you bring a 'guest', it's $100.

 

[Andrew W]

Wow, I'm truly amazed by the total lack of class shown by some of those offering suggestions.

1) Give a gift that is appropriate for your budget. Your gift is not reciprocation for the cost of the reception.

2) Even in these modern times, giving cash is tacky. Asking for cash is even more tacky.

3) The registery is a wish list. If there is nothing there that is in your price range or that you want to give, feel free to give something else.

4) It is best to send or drop off the gift at the bride and grooms new home after they get back from the honeymoon. It will be much easier for them to keep track of and send you a proper thank you note.

 

[ChrisMatson]

As mentioned earlier, I did not find it tacky, I found it to be thoughtful and helpful.

What authority has declared money to be a "tacky" gift?

Here are some articles that say otherwise:
http://www.foreverwed1.com/articles/gifts/g20.html
http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to...95_how_to.html
http://www.superweddings.com/intervi..._06-12-03.html
http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/w...ding_gifts.htm