Brian Kissinger
Screenwriter
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2001
- Messages
- 1,083
This may not be fair, but I'm matching them up as they are listed.
Benjamin Franklin VS Ellen Ripley
What we got here in its most elemental form is acid vs lightning. Touching either happens to scare the shit out of me, so there is no real edge there. Lightning makes my dog shake like giant vibrator. Cool on the nights I wished I had a vibrating bed, but otherwise it just makes me sad for him. Advantage acid. Lightning also sets a sweet, wicked mood though. Love all. So I think we have to look past the elements. Franklin, as we have been led to believe, was quite the kite flyer. Ripley is quite the spacecraft flyer. Love all. Franklin wore a wig. Ripley shaved for her role in Alien. Advantage Ripley! Franklin went on to master electricity...without which I couldn't type this meaningless drivel. Ripley went on to star in Ghostbusters II. Love all. Ripley as we all know is hooked on iocane powder....which as we all know is from Australia. Oh...wait...nevermind. This one seems too close to call. Both are deserving of a victory. So I guess I'll go with which one I'd rather have on my team. I guess if I was due to take on Pacific State in the school Science meet, I'd want Franklin. But if it was any other day of the year, I'd probably rather oogle Ripley. Plus those smart guys make me feel so dumb. I'll give my vote to Ripley.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer VS Han Solo
Now I know part of you fellow HTF's who think I'm going to throw a quick vote to Buffy for perhaps the same shallow reason I voted for Ripley. However, there is something you should be aware of. Most of the time I consider myself a pretty stout heterosexual. I mean aside from those momentary mental images of making sweet love to your best friend while he's tied up and helpless that we all have, I pretty much dig the ladies! But, deep down in those places I don't like to talk about, I got a bit of a crush on one Mr. Harrison Ford. So we can throw the shallow vote right out the window. So now we must break this one down. Han has taken on evil empires, stormtroopers galore, and probably had to discipline an ewok or two. Buffy has slayed vampires galore, knows kung-fu, and has dated an evil being or two. Love all. Both look good in leather...oops, back to the shallow thing. Sorry. Uh...both have a huge following. Han can fly the Falcon, Buffy can drive a car. This is really getting me nowhere. So in a fight, who wins? I say Han if he has his blaster, and we all know he never leaves home without his blaster. I bet he even keeps it under his pillow when making Jedi Twins. So my vote goes to Han.
Gandalf the White VS Indiana Jones
Damn, that sexy-ass Harrison keeps popping up all over the place. Indy is suave, Gandalf is too, but not the in the same kind of way. Indy has dealt with the forces of nature and God, and came away the better for it. Gandalf is a bit Godly. Indy is the king of facial expressions. Gandalf has a cool fucking beard. Indy has a cool whip, Gandalf has a stick. Indy is the kind of guy who probably wears clean underwear. I've never seen Gandalf take a bath....or anyone in Middle Earth for that matter. I'd like to see Arwen take a bath... or perhaps Arwen giving Galadriel a nice sponge bath.....but I'm getting off topic here. I guess both had short side-kicks at one point. In the end, I'm giving my vote to Indy. I might vote differently tomorrow.
Wolverine VS John McClane
I think McClane has to be one of the most over-rated characters around town. Sure he was cool in Die hard 1, but after that it just got old. Wolverine is a cool, don't give a shit kind of guy. Wolverine gets an easy vote from me.
Wong Fei-Hung VS Superman
I can't even pronounce Wong Fei-Hung. Although it's pretty cool that Hung is in his name. If my name was Hung, I bet I get a lot more dates. Actually, I don't like Superman very much. I give my vote to he Hung- guy.
So in the end, it's 3 votes to Scott's team to 2 for Martin. So I declare Scott the victor!!
Benjamin Franklin VS Ellen Ripley
What we got here in its most elemental form is acid vs lightning. Touching either happens to scare the shit out of me, so there is no real edge there. Lightning makes my dog shake like giant vibrator. Cool on the nights I wished I had a vibrating bed, but otherwise it just makes me sad for him. Advantage acid. Lightning also sets a sweet, wicked mood though. Love all. So I think we have to look past the elements. Franklin, as we have been led to believe, was quite the kite flyer. Ripley is quite the spacecraft flyer. Love all. Franklin wore a wig. Ripley shaved for her role in Alien. Advantage Ripley! Franklin went on to master electricity...without which I couldn't type this meaningless drivel. Ripley went on to star in Ghostbusters II. Love all. Ripley as we all know is hooked on iocane powder....which as we all know is from Australia. Oh...wait...nevermind. This one seems too close to call. Both are deserving of a victory. So I guess I'll go with which one I'd rather have on my team. I guess if I was due to take on Pacific State in the school Science meet, I'd want Franklin. But if it was any other day of the year, I'd probably rather oogle Ripley. Plus those smart guys make me feel so dumb. I'll give my vote to Ripley.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer VS Han Solo
Now I know part of you fellow HTF's who think I'm going to throw a quick vote to Buffy for perhaps the same shallow reason I voted for Ripley. However, there is something you should be aware of. Most of the time I consider myself a pretty stout heterosexual. I mean aside from those momentary mental images of making sweet love to your best friend while he's tied up and helpless that we all have, I pretty much dig the ladies! But, deep down in those places I don't like to talk about, I got a bit of a crush on one Mr. Harrison Ford. So we can throw the shallow vote right out the window. So now we must break this one down. Han has taken on evil empires, stormtroopers galore, and probably had to discipline an ewok or two. Buffy has slayed vampires galore, knows kung-fu, and has dated an evil being or two. Love all. Both look good in leather...oops, back to the shallow thing. Sorry. Uh...both have a huge following. Han can fly the Falcon, Buffy can drive a car. This is really getting me nowhere. So in a fight, who wins? I say Han if he has his blaster, and we all know he never leaves home without his blaster. I bet he even keeps it under his pillow when making Jedi Twins. So my vote goes to Han.
Gandalf the White VS Indiana Jones
Damn, that sexy-ass Harrison keeps popping up all over the place. Indy is suave, Gandalf is too, but not the in the same kind of way. Indy has dealt with the forces of nature and God, and came away the better for it. Gandalf is a bit Godly. Indy is the king of facial expressions. Gandalf has a cool fucking beard. Indy has a cool whip, Gandalf has a stick. Indy is the kind of guy who probably wears clean underwear. I've never seen Gandalf take a bath....or anyone in Middle Earth for that matter. I'd like to see Arwen take a bath... or perhaps Arwen giving Galadriel a nice sponge bath.....but I'm getting off topic here. I guess both had short side-kicks at one point. In the end, I'm giving my vote to Indy. I might vote differently tomorrow.
Wolverine VS John McClane
I think McClane has to be one of the most over-rated characters around town. Sure he was cool in Die hard 1, but after that it just got old. Wolverine is a cool, don't give a shit kind of guy. Wolverine gets an easy vote from me.
Wong Fei-Hung VS Superman
I can't even pronounce Wong Fei-Hung. Although it's pretty cool that Hung is in his name. If my name was Hung, I bet I get a lot more dates. Actually, I don't like Superman very much. I give my vote to he Hung- guy.
So in the end, it's 3 votes to Scott's team to 2 for Martin. So I declare Scott the victor!!
