The eternal Family Guy Quotes thread (1 Viewer)

[Jim DiJoseph]

Ralph, you're welcome!
I'll laugh every time I think of that line until the day I depart this realm...
...and every other line on this thread...
Episode where Peter is working for a cigarette firm. The CEO is explaining that everyone has the wrong idea about people who work for Big Tobacco. Then he yells, "PULL!" Cue the young puppy thrown into the air like skeet as the exec nails him with his shotgun.
Again, priceless...

 

[Lee Jamilkowski]

Sam: I learned in church that if you're good you go to Heaven. But if you're bad you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.
Chris: UPN?
The Family Guy "To Live and Die in Dixie"

 

[Hanson]

My favorite moment (From the pilot):

Judge: Peter Griffith, I sentence you to life in jail!

Lois: Oh no!

Chris: Oh no!

Meg: Oh no!

(Kool-Aid busts through the brick wall a la the commercials)

Kool-Aid: Oh Yeaaaah!

(Looks around to silent reactions and then runs back out the hole)

Does anyone have quotes from the one where Peter directs the community theater musical? Hands down my favorite episode.

 

[Jason St Louis]

Hanson Yoo you are joking right? you have read my posts on this thread right!

Go up to the top fella and read this thread again!

 

[NickSo]

I cant remember when this was, but i THINK it was when he turned all girly...
Peter - OH MY GOD! IS THAT A LUMP?! LOIS FEEL THIS? DOES THSI FEEL LIKE A LUMP TO YOU?
Lois - Peter... thats your nipple...

 

[Dome Vongvises]

Stewie: "I'd do her, do her, do her....."
Sounds like the way I think when I sit in class

 

[NickSo]

Sounds like the way I think when I sit in class

same here...

 

[Tim Campbell]

Stewie in the foster home (paraphrased):
I WANT PANCAKES!!!! IS ENGLISH THE ONLY LANGUAGE YOU DONT SPEAK IN THIS HOUSE!!??!?? ME WANTUM PANCAKES!!! COMO TE YAMO PANCAKES!!! CLICK, CLICK, BLOODY CLICK PANCAKES!!!!

 

[Mike Broadman]

Last night had a few that had my dieing:

Quagmire to a pirate-type man with all four wooden limbs:

"So, were you like in an accident or something?"

"No, me father was a tree."

"Well son, that's Mercury, the planet closest to the sun. What it's doing here I don't know, but..."

"I'm a guy!"

 

[JohnS]

what would be the exact phrase of the wheel of fortune gag.
My Hairy Aunt
I know it would be the bad c word replasing aunt.
is that all or is there more word change??

 

[Rob Speicher]

Stewie and the family that purchased the Griffins' house playing pictionary:

Jim: Jackal! Jackal! Jackal? Jackal! It looks like a Jackal! Jackal?!

Abby: Time's up!

Stewie (banging head against the table): If it wasn't right the first time you said it, why the hell would it be right the next 10 times?

 

[Paul P]

[paraphrased]
Doctor(while delivering Stewie):
And. . .It's a boy. Wait a minute, he's got something there. (Stewie is turned away from Doctor. Doctor pries something out of his hands, and unrolls it). It looks like a . . . map of europe. (Stewie looks around paranoidly)

 

[Chuck C]

Peter trying to give a false name:

he sees a pea on a plate : "pea...

he sees someone crying : "...tear"

Then a friggin griffin flys by! "...griffin"

haha

 

[Bob Bergeron]

Peter and Chris are watching some Killer Whales ...

"Dad, what's the blow hole for?"

"Well, I'll tell ya what their NOT for, Chris. Then you'll know why I'm not allowed back in Seaworld"

PEter, Quagmire, and the other 2 are in jail, an inmate comes up to them and says, "YOu guys are dead! Do you hear me? DEAD!" then Peter says.."Thank God, he thinks we're zombies."

Peter's been made president of teh toy company after it had been taking over by the cigarette people. He's sitting in his office sharpening pencils in the electric sharpener. He gets bored. SO he stands up, looks around and unzips his pants....cut to outside the door and you hear him scream.

 

[Shawn C]

Quagmire opens door for blonde package delivery woman.

Quagmire "Sure, hold on.." (paraphrase)

Quagmire returns to the door naked,

"I've got a package for you too, alllllriiiight"

Later...

Quagmire at the strip club, lap dancer's butt facing him.

"Do you take credit cards?"

"Sure thing, honey" (Paraphrase)

Quagmire swipes the credit card down the crack of her butt.

"Can I get stamps too?"

 

[Jason St Louis]

I swear this thread is going to give the Simpson thread, hot competition!!! I know NickSo said this on the first page but here is the exact quotes from season 3's episode 307 "Lethal weapon's"
Peter : Excuse me "New Yorker" i think you're in my seat. And i had sex with your mother last night!
Lois: Peter are you crazy?
1st New Yorker: What did you say?
Peter: What about the seat? or me ploughing your father's wife!
(Lois saves Peter and jump's in to kick the guy's ass!with her newly known "TAI-JITSU")
Loiseter what the hell are you doing?
(Peter to, next New Yorker!)
Peter: Excuse me is your refridgerator running? if it is, it must run like you, very homosexually!
(Second New yorker gets up, but Lois cuts him off!)
Lois: Oh you want to dance!? (Lois slings him over her shoulder, to a table!!!)
Peter: Jets Suck!, Yankees Suck!, Knicks Suck!
(All of the bar patrons want to kick Peter's ass but Lois opens up a can of whupass!!!)
Peter: Krypton Sucks!
(In a Great cameo "The Three Villians from Superman 1 and 2 movies, are drinking at the bar when they hear Peter!)
Lois:{Kicks "Non" The Large Mountain of muscle! Flys at her first, gets kicked in the stomach then flipped out of view then "General Zod" The Leader and "Ursa" The Woman fly and charge at her too, but she flips them also and they go into the "Phantom Zone" then they go spinning out to space again!!! Lois then whups the bar's other patrons in a fight}
Peter: Thats right, go back where you came from ya bastards!!! (Just as Peter close's the door another guy hits the door)

 

[Tim Campbell]

Bob,

He screams not once, but twice!!!! That is the kicker for me

 

[Jason St Louis]

Episode Lethal Weapons

Peter watching TV (Which is a spoof of speed Speed 3 "Glacier Of Doom")

Guy: If this Glacier moves slower than 1 mile a year, were all dead!

Girl: Tell me something i don't know. (shouting at Eskimo)Get outta way!

(Eskimo just looks over with a goofy look?)

Peter: Lois i was watching that (Lois looking sexually at him)Whata..wwhat you looking at?

Lois: The underpants lose them!

Peter: Uhh ..actually i kinda sorta have ii..i have a headache kinda you see maybe tomorrow?

Lois: Take em off!!!

Peter: Yeah o.k honey (Peter scared to death!)

(Next day)

Stewie: Whoa! the hell you're doing those are my Grand Crackers?

Peter: Run along Stewie, daddy had a rough night.

Stewie:Why you tottering, do-berry i'm going to find something to strike you with excuse me!

(Brian comes in)

Brian: Good morning, Peter you look terrible what happen?

(voice sounds like Crying)

Peter: Last night, Lois was..the MAN!!!

Brian: Good Lord!!!

 

[JohnS]

Meg talking about her imaginary boyfriend(and going a little nuts)
STEWIE: She needs to get laid...BIGTIME!

 

[Duane Robinson]

Might not be all correct, but here goes.

Peter: If I do this, when we get home I get anal. (after a short while) No matter how clean I want the house you have to do it.

When I heard this I nearly crapped myself laughing and wondering how the hell they got away with that one.

Quagmire: (after Peter notices their trophy got stolen and everyone comes running out of their houses) Hey what's going on, I was just jerk........ed out of a peaceful sleep.

Peter: Aw Lois it was horrible, the fish were jumping all over my eyes and my nose. And on the way out I think one of them muttered something anti- Semetic.

Peter: (after noticing house has been burned out) My couch, my TV, what the hell did you do?

Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher.

Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at serious risk.

(After Lois decapitates and spits burning alcohol at Frosty the Snowman the little kids try to put the hat back on his head)

Frosty: Take it off!! Take it off!! (Goes back to being inanimate)

More to come when I remember them.