Some more Episode I humor from a frustrated screenwriter

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by RicP, Oct 22, 2001.

  1. RicP

    RicP Screenwriter

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    Here's a scene from the version of The Empire Strikes Back that will be inserted back into the DVD release.
    Code:
           INT. BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER
           A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is 
           backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A 
           quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand!  It goes 
           spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. 
           He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but 
           straight down.
                               VADER
                     Obi Wan never told you what happened 
                     to your father.
                               LUKE
                     He told me enough! He told me you 
                     killed him!
                               VADER
                     No... I am your father!
                               LUKE
                     No, That's not true! That's 
                     impossible.
                               VADER
                     Search your feelings... you know it to 
                     be true...
                               LUKE
                     No!
                               VADER
                     Yes, it is true... and you know what 
                     else? You know that protocol droid of 
                     yours?
                               LUKE
                     Threepio?
                               VADER
                     Yes... Threepio... I built him... when 
                     I was 7 years old...
                               LUKE
                     No...
                               VADER
                     Seven years old! And what have you 
                     done? Look at yourself...
                     No hand, no job, and couldn't even 
                     levitate your own ship out of a 
                     swamp...
                               LUKE
                     I destroyed your precious Death Star!
                               VADER
                     When you were 20! When I was 10, I 
                     single-handedly destroyed a
                     Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
                               LUKE
                     Well, it's not my fault...
                               VADER
                     Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my 
                     father never gave me what I wanted for
                     my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the 
                     Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh 
                     wahhh!"
                               LUKE
                     Shut up!
                               VADER
                     You're a slacker! By the time I was 
                     your age, I had exterminated the Jedi 
                     knights!
                               LUKE
                     I used to race my T-16 through 
                     Beggar's Canyon--
                               VADER
                     Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 
                     years old, winner of the Boonta Eve 
                     Classic... Only human to ever fly a 
                     Pod Racer...right here, baby!
           Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
                               VADER
                     I was wrong... You're not my kid... I 
                     don't know whose you are, but you sure 
                     ain't mine...
           Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates,
           then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.
                               VADER
                     Get a haircut!
           FADE TO BLACK
    ------------------
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    Ric Perrott - My DVD's
     
  2. Jim_C

    Jim_C Cinematographer

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    >>Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Classic... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer...right here, baby!
     
  3. Steve Tannehill

    Steve Tannehill Ambassador

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    This was funny 2 years ago...and it's still funny today!
    [​IMG]
    - Steve
     
  4. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    You forgot a line:
    VADER
    ...and I'll bet you're still a virgin!
    When I was half your age, I was shagging
    a queen!
    [​IMG]
    ------------------
    My top ten movies that need to be on dvd:
    1. Akira Kurosawa's Dreams 2. Freaks 3. Men With Guns 4. The Ninth Configuration 5. The Reflecting Skin 6. Santa Sangre 7. Treasure of the Sierra Madre 8. Voyager 9. White Heat 10. Wings of Desire
     
  5. Jeff Kleist

    Jeff Kleist Executive Producer

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    I'm just suprised Steve Christou's name isn't next to this [​IMG]
     
  6. Evan Case

    Evan Case Screenwriter

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  7. Brian Harnish

    Brian Harnish Screenwriter

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  8. Scott Weinberg

    Scott Weinberg Lead Actor

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    Solid giggles there. Thanks!
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    ------------------
    Scott Weinberg
    ------------------
    http://www.ofcs.org
     
  9. David Oliver

    David Oliver Second Unit

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    Vader: I haff no son!!
    Very funny stuff.
     

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