Punny Definitions (1 Viewer)

[Steve Christou]

Here you go, I thought these were quite clever, pick your favorite.

ABSENTEE : A missing golfing accessory.
ACOUSTIC : An instrument in shooting pool.
ACCRUE : People who work on a ship.
ADORABLE : What you ring when you go visiting.
ALARMS : What an octopus is.
ANTISOCIAL : Mother's sister being friendly.
ATLAS : Finally
AUSTRALIAN KISS : Same as French Kiss, ... only down under!
AVOIDABLE : What a bullfighter tries to do.
BOYCOTT : His crib.... not hers !
BROADBAND : An all girl musical group.
CARNATION : Country where everybody has a four wheeler.
CLIMATE : The only thing you can do with a ladder.
CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink
DAMNATION : Beaver country
DARE : Not here.
DEBUT : De part of de body you must park to be seated.
DECAGON : De way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident.
DECAY : De letter which comes after de J.
ECLIPSE : What an English barber does for a living.
FINITE : Sir Lancelot.
FOBIA : The fear of misspelled words
GRAPE : Great Ape.
HANGING : A suspended sentence.
HEROES : What a guy in a boat does.
HUMBUG : A singing cockroach
ILLEGAL : A sick bird
INFORMATION : How ducks are supposed to fly !
INTENSE : Where campers sleep !
MUCUS : A cat swear word.
MUNCHKIN : What cannibals do to relatives
PARADOX : Two physicians.
PECAN : A container to urinate in.
POLYGON : Who left the cage door open?
PRIMATE : The sultan's favorite wife
RECOUNT : Honorary Title reaffirmed by Floridans.
RELIEF : What trees do in the spring.
RENDER : The Animals that draw Santa's carriage.
SELFISH : What the owner of a seafood store does.
URINE : Opposite of "you're out" !
YANKEE : The same as a quickie, ...but you can do it by yourself!
ZEBRA : Ze cloth which covers ze breasts!

 

[Rex Bachmann]

Steve Christou wrote (post #1):

Some of these are indeed. Did you think them up all by your lonesome?

 

[Steve Christou]

I found them somewhere on the internet a few years ago, and I still had them on my drive, I like em.

FOBIA : The fear of misspelled words

 

[Rain]

Necromancer: An amourous vampire.

 

[John Spencer]

Enunciate - What made the cannibal queen sick
Abominable - How commandos killed the farmer
Indistinct - Where you are when you pick up a skunk

I remember having a book of these when I was in grade school. I wonder what happened to that book.

 

[Ted Lee]

disoriented: a confused asian

 

[John Watson]

Reintarnation - Hillbilly Heaven

Carmegeddon - major freeway mishap

 

[Rob Gardiner]

Not really a pun, but here goes:

GOLF: A lovely walk in the beautiful outdoors spoiled by a nasty little white ball



How about oxymorons?

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE
GIANT SHRIMP
FREEZER BURN
PARTIALLY COMPLETED

 

[David Preston]

I'll have to use some of those in some sentences. People will be like what the heck is he talking about.

 

[Rex Bachmann]

John Spencer wrote (post #5):

debut ("De part of de body you must park to be seated"). Unless British people (or other dialect-speakers) pronounce this word with a final , this is strictly a "writing pun".
fobia ("the fear of misspelled words"). This is iconic, yes, but a pun?

grape (great + ape) is technically a portmaneau (a "blend"), which I'm not sure is a pun at all, in the strictest sense of the word.


hanging ("A suspended sentence"). If this is a pun, it's one that depends entirely on sense ("meaning") substitution, rather than the usual sound substitution (unless I'm missing the matching phrase).


To selfish ("What the owner of a seafood store does.") you might add shellfish, with the same explanation.

girlcott ("His crib.... not hers!" >) "Her crib.... not his!" (cf. "herstory" to "his-story")

hormones: "where babies come from", as in "Daddy! Daddy! Where do babies come from?" "[heh-heh] Well, son, it's all hormones. A little bit of his moans and little bit of her moans." (Or, more daringly, "what the streetwalker does for money".)

Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien do a lot of this kind of stuff on their nightly talkshows.

 

[LewB]

European - What you are doing at the urinal

Bonus - What management does to the employees


Thank you, thank you, you're too kind. I'll be here all week, remember to try the veal !

 

[Steve Christou]

This is iconic, yes, but a pun?

Rex, what the hell? Did this thread really need a lesson in English?
Whatever it is, let it go.

 

[Rex Bachmann]

Steve Christou wrote (post #12):

It's all in pun.

 

[John Watson]

 

[John Spencer]

You'll have to excuse Rex, Steve. It seems he has an acute aural fixation.

 

[Steve Christou]

I'm just glad I didn't start a thread on bar-room jokes, we'd been here all day analysing them.

Well since I mentioned bar-room jokes....

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my genitals unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers,
and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100, who's willing to give it a try?".
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

 

[MarkHastings]

Q: Why do Chicken Coups have 2 doors?

A: If they had 4, they'd be Chicken Sedans.

 

[Evelio Figueroa]

Well since I mentioned bar-room jokes....

How about this one.


Two men walk into a bar...the 3rd one ducks!

 

[Steve Christou]

Or this one...


Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!