Joseph DeMartino
Senior HTF Member
[SIZE= 14px][COLOR= black]The following are excerpts from actual Information Technology (IT) Help Desk requests submitted by users at a state agency somewhere in the U.S. The names and certain other details have been changed to protect the guilty.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE= 14px] [/SIZE] [SIZE= 14px][COLOR= black]The replies are not actual. They are what the techs wish the COULD have said. ;-) [/COLOR][/SIZE] [COLOR= black]Computer is operating extemeley slow. Response time is bad. I de-gragged this computer about 2 months ago and it still continues to be upsettingly slow.[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][And there’s nothing worse than a badly gragged, extemeley slow computer][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]I HAVE BEEN LOCKED OF RECORDS SYSTEM DUE TO ACCESSIVE ATTEMPTS.[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][User has coined a new word, “Accessive”, to describe excessive attempts to access a system, and should be commended for her creativity. Then unlock her from the system.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Suite 118[/COLOR][COLOR= black]-[/COLOR][COLOR= black]A is the area where Mark Daniels and Catherine Jones are stored. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Do you keep them in suspended animation when they aren’t needed?][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]My mouse is working slow. It is dirty. Send John to clean it. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Perhaps you would like him to come in there and wash your d*ck for you, you little sh*t. (* Bonus points for identifying the movie.)][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]IM LOCKED NEED TO BE RE-SUBMIT. THANK YOU.. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][I’ve days like that, too.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Labels printer for four (2) people [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Will send two (1) techs to deal with issues.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]room number1770 printer is not working.also mouse is not broken. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Send tech to fix printer and break mouse.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]John my printer has done the same thing if you have an ink cartlidge please bring it.[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][If John has ink cartlidge I seriously doubt he’s going to be able to walk as far as the printer.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]The west building needs to have a new HP P2035 printer replaced with broken one.[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Is this a government operation, or what?][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]when trying To create a new message i get an error screen regarding the inner face [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][We usually get errors regarding our outer face.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Please add encrymption to my email account[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Will try, but that sounds painful][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]The a/c unit in the lobby is linking (the one by the front door.) [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][The IT department doesn’t usually work on a/c units, but if this one is linking, I suppose we can try disabling its network card.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Block from phone messares, please help[/COLOR] [COLOR= black] [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][We can't do anything if you're still a block away from the phone messares. Call us when you're closer.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black] [/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Hi, My mouse ball holder is missing.[/COLOR] [COLOR= black] [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Your work order says "fix mouse." What did you expect?][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]i WOULD LIKE TO MOVE COMPUTER FORM WINDOW 3 TO WINDOW 4 AND PRINTER TOO PIRTINER IN WINDOW 4 DOSE NOT WORK RIGHT... MISFEEDS CHECKS TO MANY VOIDS.... [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][I believe this message is intended for Mr. Lovecraft. Please forward it to him.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Cheryl Johnson has been assessed by John and found to have inadequate memory.[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][This is IT. Dementia screening is down the hall.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]Please remove the 2 deck top and 1 printer from 11 North Street in room # 14 and bring it to 800 Main St 1st floor. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][If we remove the 2 deck top from 11 North Street , won’t the rain get in?][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]I was told that I need to have inscription in my computer installed in order to receive certain e-mail. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][Carving words into your PC’s case is against agency policy.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]All department personnel to be print in one location, Room#86 - Mary Johnson office. [/COLOR] [COLOR= black][But to be cursive in another location, Room #85 - John Smith office.][/COLOR] [COLOR= black]My copmuter has a pushed in pannel and also the disk tray opens up randomly. I am concerned that the cleaing crew might be bumping into unit and it maight be damaged[/COLOR] [COLOR= black][And yet you say nothing about the obviously broken keyboard.][/COLOR]
