Gift for a great woman you don't know too well, but would like to? (1 Viewer)

[Eric_L]

Wow: I can't believe how much transference I am reading here.

I think the guy should have banged her. Period. They are obviously young and naive. It is fairly obvious that the 'engagement' she is in is one of those 'we'll get married.. someday...' engagements that don't mean shit.

Those girls are the most fun to bang, I promise you.

As I said before, If the engagement is serious, with a specific date and invites in the mail, then he should back off. I very much doubt it is there though.

In which case survival of the fittest is the rule. If she decides he is more attractive than her wishy-washy 'fiancee', even if just for a night, then BANG!

Once a committment becomes real (specific wedding date, or already HAPPILY married) then it is strictly hands-off. Anything less than that though is just dateing and THAT field is open.

All you folks going on about marriage and fidelity are grossly naive IMHO. You gotta read between the lines to see what his situation is and stop projecting your own situation onto him.

If I were going to bet a dollar I'd say he is 18-21 yrs old, and she the same. Do you REALLY think a 18 yr old is ready to be concerned with an engagement???

No way! They should be concerned with birth control, college or a new career, and makeing sure that all their 'fiancees' never meet each other. (except for a threesome maybe)

This guy right now needs, more than anything else, a real good one-night stand. The kind that leaves your crotch bruised and tender in the morning, with a 12" smile on your face. Aaaahhhhh.

 

[Eric_L]

you really need to see this link before giving more of your so-called 'advice'.

I made my prior link shocking on purpose. I hope it woke you.

http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/transference.html

 

[Michelle Schmid]

Eric_L, shocking indeed. I have to say I'm amazed to find that according to your profile you are older than I am--YOU sound like the 18-21 year old. You know, there is more to a relationship than just "bangin' her." And I don't see where you get the idea that her engagement is obviously "one that doesn't mean shit." Maybe I am naive, but I didn't know there was such a thing. Casual friends, casual dating, casual sex, sure, but a casual engagement? Never heard of one. Sometimes people don't set dates and send out invites for legitimate reasons. Like money, finishing a degree, ill family members, etc. So you automatically assume all those people aren't really committed to their relationships, just because a firm date hasn't been set? Bizarre. And why do you assume that her fiancé is wishy-washy? I see no mention of that anywhere.

In addition, I believe the original poster was asking for advice. The topic of this thread was a question of what he should do, wasn't it? And, if you think about it, isn't all advice, wanted or not, an attempt at transference of someone's opinions onto someone else? In an online community or face-to-face--I really don't see the difference. Besides, you've made up your mind as to exactly what her situation is based on very little information, and have decided that the single, only solution to this would have been to "bang her." Doesn't that mean you've attempted to "transfer" YOUR ideas and beliefs to his situation (which you've specifically told us NOT to do)? You even called him a bastard for not doing what you think he should have. Can you say hypocritical?

I was engaged at 22 and took it very seriously. I was married at 23, and am in fact still married. To be fair, we are getting divorced now, but the marriage lasted almost 11 years, and the divorce does not have anything to do with infidelity on either of our parts. Believe it or not, some people ARE ready for it at a younger age, even though you obviously are not.

 

[Holadem]

? Never heard of one.

I have. While I don't agree with Eric's view, I see what he is getting at with that expression, which is something I touched upon on my first post: People who get engaged because, well, I might as well, or I am XX years old and I am not married yet or simply going through the motions (we lives together this long, why not?). Half of them are not honest enough with themselves to acknowledge it. I have been guilty of that myself (not an engagement, but a serious commitement for all the wrong reasons).

Of course that is more the exception that the rule. I hope.

--
Holadem - methinks Eric is trying to get this thread closed.

 

[Leila Dougan]

I've seen people with casual engagements as well. But the thing that bothers me most is the assumption that this is one such engagement. We have no such knowledge one way or the other, except for the fact that if she really wanted another man she wouldn't have let it slip that she's engaged. We must assume, then, that her engagement is to be respected.

For the record, I was engaged at 21 and am in a very happy marriage. I didn't (and still don't) have any desire to live such a shallow existance as to only be concerned with one night stands and birth control.

 

[Lee L]

Hey Ryan, if someone was interested in ascribing the worst thoughts to your actions, taking a woman to a drive thru and then driving away might be considered a behaviour more likely leading to an affair than eating in public view in a restaurant. I mean, you might be taking your fast food back to a Hotel Room.

 

[Holadem]

taking a woman to a drive thru

"You. are. so. busted!"

--
Holadem

 

[MarkHastings]

Those girls are the most fun to bang, I promise you.

I have too much of a conscience to do that, but it's still funny as hell.


Michelle, you've never heard of a 'casual' engagement? If you haven't heard of one, then why do you hear so many stories about people breaking off engagements? I'm not saying you didn't take your engagement seriously, but there are a lot of people that don't.

And remember "'Till death do us part"? What's the point in getting married if you have a way to get out of it (and still be alive ). I realize that things change, but I seriously think we need to stop with all these marriage ceremonies because nobody is taking them seriously!

If marriage is a serious thing, then why all the divorce?

Sorry for the bitterness, but I've been SERIOUSLY doubting if I ever want to get married because it seems like such a joke. I've even been turned off by dating because no one takes it seriously anymore.


p.s. Maybe I'd change my mind if they changed the wedding vow to say "For better, or for worse...well, for worse, until I can't take it anymore and leave, for richer or for poorer...unless he/she sits around the house all day long and doesn't look for another job...'till death do us part...or at least until the 'love' dies out..."

Something like that

 

[BrettB]

Wasn't there an "onion ring" scene in 9 1/2 Weeks?

 

[MarkHastings]

Wasn't there an "onion ring" scene in 9 1/2 Weeks?

That's how Homer and Marge Simpson got engaged

Mmmmmm! Onion Ring!

 

[Eric_L]

""To be fair, we are getting divorced now,""

Really? Then congratulations! (what else do you say?)After a decade that must have been a tough decision. Honestly, congrats. (Don't you hate it when people tell you how sorry they are?!)

Michelle, maybe we should hook up! Before we do, tell me about what type home theater system you have....

(just kidding!)

I waited until 28 to marry and have been quite happy.

Though there always are some unusual people, most are not ready to begin a serious relationship at such young ages, for the very reasons you mentioned, (money, school, MATURITY, etc)

I think many people, men especially, get blinded by hormones. If he can get laid regularly and even have some intimacy, then he is less likely to get whooped. If a guy is stuck in a serious dry spell, then he may cling on to the first piece of trim that lands in his bed simply out of desperation. Don't tell me you never seen that!! It is sooo sad! Women do the same, but for different reasons.

Therfore, I feel young people should spend less time being clingy and more time dateing multiple people and banging out a few winners to keep their head clear. The more people one dates the more certain you will be of the qualities that you desire in a relationship.

I also think, Michelle, that you miss some of my tongue-in-cheek approach here. Haven't you ever had a friend call you a bastard while buying you a beer before?? Sorry for you if not. And, yes, I discuss relationships quite shallowly here and don't completely subscribe to that myself. I am just trying to stand in stark contrast to the mushy-mushy crap everyone else has vomited up here.

Now, lets get back to where you tell me about your HT system..... (oh baby!)

 

[MarkHastings]

LMAO! Eric, You're killing me!

In a barbaric way, you are SO right. I don't think banging every pretty thing in sight is the best way to do it, but I do believe you gotta use your early years to "play the field" and see what's out there so you broaden your mind as to what types of people are out there. This way, when you find the right person, you will have a good grasp on why this person in so great.

People who have been together since they were quite young may think their spouse is 'perfect', but with nothing to compare them to, how do you know?

 

[Ryan Wright]

After a decade that must have been a tough decision. Honestly, congrats. (Don't you hate it when people tell you how sorry they are?!)

So, when I was doing tech support for a previous employer, one of the ladies in the office informed me that her last name was changing, and we'd need to update it in the system. I said, "Oh, congratulations!" She said, "Uhh, no, not really... well, actually, sure, why not." She was changing back to her maiden name.

 

[MarkHastings]

Now there's a thought! McDonalds and hot sex at the same time!

Hmmmm, it would be interesting to hear which people would want hotter, the meal or the sex?

If I'm STARVING, eating a McDonalds hamburger can be an orgasmic experience

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George eats the Sandwhich during sex

 

[Michelle Schmid]

Then congratulations! (what else do you say?)After a decade that must have been a tough decision. Honestly, congrats.

Yes, believe it or not, it was a tough decision. I've spent my whole life believing NO ONE will ever lay a hand on me in that way and was incredibly shocked when it happened. I'll accept the congratulations, though, because I did exactly what I'd tell any woman in that situation to do. Even as hard as it was.

I only mentioned my own divorce previously because it would not be fair to say that I was married at 23 and am still blissfully happy.

No, no one has ever called me a bastard while buying me a beer. Must be because of my T&A. They've bought me a Captain and Coke and called me a bitch though . . .

Ah yes, my HT. It's not much, but it's MINE. He does not get any of it (there is where the real congrats. should come in!). I know you didn't really want to know, but for the record I have a Philips PHL 27PT81S flat screen TV, DishNetwork, a pioneer VSX-D608 receiver, an RCA RC5200P DVD player, unfortunately cheap Sony speakers (but there are 5 of them and they are a matched set for HT), an Energy EXL-S10 sub, and a PS2 for my games (which I LOVE to play!).

Gee, I'd love to "hook up" with you, but ah, didn't you say you were married? LOL

 

[Eric_L]

T+A, Rum+Coke, HT + PS2.... SHWING!!!! OH BABY!

yes, I'm married. but enough about me, lets talk more about you...

(Hehe)

Hmm, I just did the math on your sons age and figured your proposal must have gone something like mine:
"Are you SURE it's positive?"

You are likely now going into the phase I refer to as 'the marriage hangover' part. It really sux for the most part. That 'one night stand' advice would do you some good too you know. (just don't get busted by the kids!)

And with a box like that it shouldn't be too tough for you.

(I'm referring to the HT, get your mind out of the gutter!)

If I were't spoken for I'd glady give you the opportunity to turn me down... but that is reserved to my wife. And she does it alot.

As is I'll just have to wait till you get XBOX Live and then WHOOP yer arse at Mechassault!

 

[David Von Pein]

I'd vote for a nice, simple, straight-to-the-point declaration that is neither disrespectful to the woman or her fiance, but still conveys how YOU feel toward her.

That is to say....The proverbial "If it doesn't end up working out with your fiance, I'm waiting in the wings, and would love the pleasure of your company" kind of speech.

This would "save face", if you will, and not be overly embarrassing to any party involved I don't think.

 

[Eric_L]

David, man, you're behid the times. It is over, he gave her a card and got her number, now he just needs the balls to call her and ask her out. (unless the engagement is truely forthcoming and not some lame wishy washy thing)

 

[AllanN]

Let it go. Say you give her this gift and she find's out how you feel. She leaves her fiance and you two get together and get engaged. Then some other guy comes along and now the tables are turned. Do you really want some women who would just turn and run on her fiance. Or you give her the gift. She is not interested in you in that way and you make a total ass of yourself in the process.

 

[Eric_L]

Anyone ever wonder where the 'local date+tme' under our names come from? Is that standard time, metric time or schitzo time?