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Anyone else really hate Valentines Day? (1 Viewer)

Elizabeth S

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Valentine's Day means nothing to me. Yeah, sure, when I was involved with someone, I might bake him something. Nowadays, I hate the whole idea of love and relationships. I hate the societal expectation that everyone is "supposed" to be in a relationship. I'm so much happier out of one. Loving someone gives them power to hurt you, and because I am an extremely obsessive person, it is much healthier to be alone. :) Honestly, some people are not meant for relationships. I've had the love of my life, it put me through hell, but I don't regret it. But I have no desire to feel those things again. Loving someone makes me a NEEDY, weak person. Meaningless flings never hurt me, but I just prefer being alone nowadays -- I may feel differently someday, but maybe not.

Most of my co-workers, friends and family know my feelings on this matter and DO NOT talk about these things with me.
 

Chris Lockwood

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> For those who aren't in a relationship with anyone, February 14th is potentially the most nausiating day of the year!

Just ignore the day and be glad you aren't pressured into buying a bunch of stuff for someone. And don't go out to any nice restaurants that night, or you'll have it rubbed in your face.

What I really hate are the dating services running ads over the past week about finding someone for V Day, as if you're going to get into a relationship in a few days.


> Nowadays, I hate the whole idea of love and relationships. I hate the societal expectation that everyone is "supposed" to be in a relationship.

It's nice to hear a woman say that (assuming you aren't a man named Elizabeth).
 

MarkHastings

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That, combined with the attitudes of others, is exactly why single people hate V-day. People make it sound like there's something wrong with you (or your life) if you're not with someone on V-day. :frowning:

Why do I HAVE to find someone for Valentines day? Why do people get all sad when I say I'm not doing anything for Valentines day (i.e. just staying home alone)? No one seems to care the other 300+ days of the year ;)
 

Chris Lockwood

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> They get all excited and try to get me as excited as they are. They have to tell me about the stuff they got their husbands and the stuff they got in return.

If they know you're not in a relationship (assuming you aren't), I think that behavior on their part sucks. It's like knowing you're on a diet and bringing freshly baked brownies to your place and eating them in front of you.

What do they expect you to get excited about? Being alone?


> Who I dislike are the diamond merchants. Their adverts, especially on the radio are offensive. They imply, and not very subtly that your girlfriend will give it up if you buy her an expensive piece of jewelry. It's incredibly misogynistic.

No, since "misogynistic" means "hates women", and anyone buying expensive jewelry to try to get some doesn't exactly hate women. It's more of an anti-male sentiment, that you are obligated to buy that stuff.
 

Malcolm R

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It seems to be mostly the women who actually care about the day. The local radio station did a call in last week about what you want for Valentine's Day.

Most of the guys said they didn't care if they got anything. Most of the women all wanted a bunch of stuff. It's pretty sad that people are expected to prove their love by spending a load of cash. If that's love, just hire a hooker.
 

MarkHastings

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It's true. I don't know why I'm supposed to applaud a forced gift? Come to me when you're husband does something truly romantic/without being forced into it....Oh wait! That'll never happen. That's right, you're grasping onto this forced gesture because that's the best you'll ever get out of him...


Ok, maybe I'm a little bitter. LOL
 

JonZ

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"If that's love, just hire a hooker."

Al: "Bud, whats more important - love or money?"

Bud: "Money, I can always rent love"
 

PhillJones

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Here's why it's misogynism. I have a three point argument so bear with me, it's a bugbear of mine

The inference is that sex is something that men can and should buy from women. The flip side being that women should feel obliged to give sex to men who've spent sufficient money on them. If a man buys a woman a diamond, or any other expensive gift and expects sex in return, he's treating her like a whore.

Just to be clear, it's not the buying of the gift, that's the issue, it's the expecting something in return that's demeaning. If the slogan was more along the lines of 'Diamonds - because you love her', I wouldn't mind so much.

You're partner should want to have sex with you, not 'give it up' because it's been paid for.
 

MarkHastings

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The only difference between a wife and a hooker is, the man makes a commitment to the wife. The "paying for sex" is basically the same. :)

Seriously, when you really think about it, there isn't a whole lot of difference now a days. I mean, why is it that if I spend $200 on a girl for dinner and drinks and then we go back to my place (for sex) that's considered a "Date"...whereas if I pay a woman $200 for sex, that's a "Hooker"? ;)
 

JonZ

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I have plenty to say on the women and money & women using sex as reward subject but Ill just keep it to myself:)
 

PhillJones

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I can see where you're coming from. The diamond ads are just the most blatant example of reducing sex to a financial transaction. It doesn't have to be that way.
 

PhillJones

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Easy solution: don't buy expensive presents or meals in an attempt to get into anybody's panties. If she doesn't like you for yourself, the relationship's doomed anyway.

That's PhillJones stand.
 

MarkHastings

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That's why I suggested not buying anything for Valentines day. If the relationship is built on love, then obviosuly there's no need to buy anything to represent that love. Am I right?


I would love to see more people actually doing something, than buying something for V-Day.
 

Chris Lockwood

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> The inference is that sex is something that men can and should buy from women. The flip side being that women should feel obliged to give sex to men who've spent sufficient money on them. If a man buys a woman a diamond, or any other expensive gift and expects sex in return, he's treating her like a whore.

That's a nice sentiment in an ideal, fantasy world.

But in the real world where most of us live, I'd say if you're getting that message from the ad, it's because the company is reflecting what goes on in society, not causing it.

It's interesting that you consider this anti-female. It seems more anti-male to me, if the message is "you must buy her some expensive item to get anywhere with her". I don't think I've heard ANY Valentine's ads telling women what to buy for their men.

I could also argue that your thinking seems be anti-female, since you seem to assume they are exchanging sex for diamonds, rather than just happen to like nice jewelry.

Women don't want diamonds because of ads. At best the ads are just going to get some people to buy diamonds from that company instead of another, or instead of some other expensive gift.

I think almost any man who is married or in a serious relationship and doesn't do something nice for the woman for V Day is going to be in deep trouble, and that's not because of advertising.
 

PhillJones

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I don't agree entirely. While doing something for V-day is an excellent idea and more meaningful than a present, I'm not against presents entirely. My view is that a present is just that, a present and shouldn't be exchanged for anything or bought with the idea that you'll get anything in return.

At least hallmark cards are merely tokens, nobody puts out for a token.
 

PhillJones

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We're doing nothing for Valentine's day, and I've not bought her anything. I'll be happy to report back on Thursday morning to tell you that I didn't sleep on the couch Wednesday night.
 

MarkHastings

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But Valentines day is forcing you to buy something. Buying presents "just because" have more meaning than buying presents because "the holiday says so".

Just like anything. I appreciate my friend buying me a cup of coffee (for no reason) MORE than I appreciate the $100 gift card for my birthday or Christmas.

For me, presents mean a hell of a lot more when there's no reason behind it. The whole idea of putting a price tag on love (which is what V-Day embodies) is not something I totally agree with and it's very evident that a lot of people DO put a price on love (whether they realize it or not).
 

PhillJones

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You're absolutely right that a present 'just because' is far more meaningful. I guess if people buy into the idea that you have to buy something it's a bit rough.

When I was a kid, I always thought Valentine's day was for people to give a card to somebody they aren't in a relationship with. I'm not sure if my parents bought Valentines cards for each other, I don't think think they did. The idea was that single people sent anonymous cards to people they fancied.
 

JonZ

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"We're doing nothing for Valentine's day, and I've not bought her anything. I'll be happy to report back on Thursday morning to tell you that I didn't sleep on the couch Wednesday night."

Phil,
Because youre wife and my G/F dont want anything doesnt make it the norm. I think most women do want something for Vday. They might not realistically expect diamonds or a expensive gift but, I think getting them nothing would be a real disappointment for alot of women in relationships.

When my brother was in college he worked at a gas station. He used to conduct these polls for one of his classes. Are you happy withyour career, Is your career what you majored in college and so forth. But one question I remember asked to women went along the lines of what would you expect from someone as part of a engagement. I dont remember exact figures(it was a decade ago) but the results were pretty bad. If memory serves between 60-70% expected a diamond ring, and under 10% said they didnt want anything it didnt matter with the between % saying theyd like some sort of gift to mark the occasion.

I guess the moral of the story is to avoid the 60-70%
 

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