Another post about meeting women... (1 Viewer)

[Clinton McClure]

Have you ever gone out with a girl who waited until the 2nd or 3rd date to tell you she has a boyfriend? Ladies, that's information we need.

I went on a date with a girl once who told me at first she had no boyfriend, then later, guess who we ran into at the mall? Talk about an uncomfortable situation...

If I see a girl wearing no ring, there's no harm in striking up a conversation. Usually you can get all the information you need within 5 minutes or less.

 

[Sam C]

I agree with Elizabeth about unhappy ]Quote:

5 minutes !!! You broke my loitering rule ... I have a rule that goes like this ... If you've met a woman in passing andyou've talked to her longer than 2 minutes w/ out the possibility of going out or getting her number ever coming up ... You're just loitering ... Move along !!!

 

[Brad_W]

thats (more than likely) his fault

No, not really, it's both of of their faults because even she needs to work on the relationship via communication to get her needs met.

This is not directly aimed at the person quoted, but rather the idea that it's OKAY to cheat because all else has failed and no other such solutions are present.

Anyway, I am a married man and my wife and I told each other this: If we feel the need to cheat on each other then we will get a divorce first. Because we are obviously not commited to the other person enough therefore rendering the relationship nill. I know this sounds black and white, but to complicate the issue only draws it out and confuses what really needs to be done.

That's all I have to say about that. Sorry if anyone is offended.

 

[Chris Derby]

Chris,

After reading your post I thought:

Is he convincing me or himself?

Neither... Just stating the way I feel about things. BTW, that particular ex and I live in different states. I wasn't saying that I'm dating her now because her marriage isn't working out.

 

[Chris Derby]

If they feel their needs are not met and communication has failed, then it's time to divorce.

Agreed. But if you've already decided that you aren't supposed to be together, then its just a formality anyway, right?

Brad, I wish you and your wife well. Its good that you two are on the same page. For some other people, its just not simply black or white.

 

[Patrick Sun]

Re: single people flirting with married people:

Some folks respect the institution of marriage, and others do not. I fall in the camp that respects the institution of marriage. Only get involved with people who are available to you, without any marital/estranged strings. It's the fair thing to you and the other person.

 

[Chris Derby]

I'll respect it if they do. If they don't, then what exactly are you respecting?

 

[Patrick Sun]

Well, then I look at it as "two wrongs don't make a right." and act accordingly.

 

[Chris Derby]

I'm not trying to change the way you think about this. You have your beliefs and I have mine. I'm pretty sure that neither one of us are going to budge on this issue.
I guess my sole point was that you shouldn't be apprehensive about approaching somebody that you find attractive. They will more times than not let you know if they are interstested in you and if they are available or not. There.. We'll just leave it at that and stay out of all the grey areas.

 

[Elizabeth S]

I'll respect it if they do. If they don't, then what exactly are you respecting?

I agree with this. HE doesn't respect his marriage, but I'M supposed to out of some sense of morality?

 

[Philip_G]

my thought on the marriage thing (granted I'm 23 and single) if some woman is cheating, or possibly might start cheating on her husband, WHY IN THE HELL do you want to get involved with that? Sure, there may be circumstances and explanations, but if she'll do it once she may or may not do it again...
not even going to get into the respect the marriage thing..

 

[Chris Derby]

but if she'll do it once she may or may not do it again...

It depends on what you mean by "involved". I date because I enjoy dating. Its not a quest for somebody to have a relationship with.

 

[cafink]

HE doesn't respect his marriage, but I'M supposed to out of some sense of morality?

Of course. If they guy doesn't respect his wife or his marriage, then he's certainly not the yardstick of morality against which I'd choose to measure my own actions.

You should respect the institution of marriage, regardless of what anyone else does. Just because others do it, doesn't make it right.

 

[Adil M]

Now I'm getting confused institution of marriage, organized realigion..whoops.

It's all about ethics. You know what is wrong and right in general. Don't hide behind logic. Just think. I'd hate to be the ass who broke up a family and marriage during a weak point in those bonds. "For better or worse..." If it's that bad wait for them to divorce, otherwise plenty of fish in this sea.

 

[Elizabeth S]

I'm tired of the mentality that it's always the "evil other woman" trying to break up a family. If there is any "blame" because this constitutes a violation of a particular marriage (and not all marriages have the same understandings), it lies with the person who is IN that marriage -- don't look for scapegoats outside of it.

 

[Clinton McClure]

But you can't base everything on a ring

If I see a ring, I take that as a no vacancy sign. That's something I interpret as unavailability. I'm not gonna spend time trying to find out if she's spoken for.

On the other hand, I'm not gonna assume that every woman not wearing a ring is single. That's what you should find out by talking to her. Communication is key.

 

[Derek Miner]

Sorry to resurrect the long dead thread... I did start it, though.
But in case anyone was interested in hearing how this all turned out, I did go in and chat her up at work. Alas, she has a boyfriend. It's a shame, too, because after talking to her a bit, she seemed not just to like a lot of the stuff I do, but she's sweet and funny. She was very nice about it and she said it wasn't the first time someone had come up to her in the store.
Thanks for all your advice, everyone.

 

[Philip_G]

sounds like it worked out even though it didn't
doesn't sound like she's offended, or you came off as a creep, or any other of your concerns..

 

[Holadem]

I'm tired of the mentality that it's always the "evil other woman" trying to break up a family. If there is any "blame" because this constitutes a violation of a particular marriage (and not all marriages have the same understandings), it lies with the person who is IN that marriage -- don't look for scapegoats outside of it.

As usual Elisabeth, I totally agree with you . Really, if a married woman wants to flirt with me, it is my place to be her moral conscience. She is a grown woman and knows what she is doing.
I didi date a married woman once, I had more qualms about that than she did. Eventually I just went along... next time I will waste much less time thinking about whether this is "right" or worng: That is for her to worry about.
--
Holadem

 

[Chris Derby]

Oh well, Derek. Maybe next time. Now that wasn't so painful, was it?