Ange Hamm's Carnivorous Clams Win HTF Fantasy Baseball League Championship

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm, Oct 10, 2001.

  1. Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm

    Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm Supporting Actor

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    Associated Press.
    RICHMOND, VA. Completing a worst-to-first comeback reminiscent of the 1991 Atlanta Braves, Ange Hamm's Carnivorous Clams have taken the Home Theater Forum Fantasy Baseball League's 2001 championship with a 7-2 victory over the Fenway Drunken Irish.
    The Clams were powered by strong seasons from draftees Barry Bonds, Luis Gonzalez, Jeff Bagwell, Sammy Sosa (who was traded away mid-season), Curt Schilling, and Jose Mesa, as well as free agent pickups Bret Boone, Jorge Posada, Jimmy Rollins, and Robert Person. Mid-season trades that brought Gary Sheffield, Robb Nen, and Edgar Martinez also contributed in the team's turnaround. The Clams had spent the first two months of the season in last place in the eight-team league before slowly crawling their way up the standings and into first, where they received a bye week for the first round of the playoffs.
    "Honestly, I was sure we had no chance of winning," owner/manager Andrew "Ange Hamm" Hamm said as players Mike Cameron and Jamie Moyer doused him with cheap champagne in the locker room. "My internet connection kept going down during the draft, and when I came back every time the autodraft had picked up two outfielders. That was totally contrary to my draft strategy; I was going for pitching and infield first, then planning to pick up outfielders later. I was ticked off. But the autodraft got me Bonds, Gonzalez, Sosa, and Guererro, who ended up being very valuable."
    Sosa, who was traded for several other star players in July, was unavailable for comment.
    Autodraft was named the league's Most Valuable Player, narrowly edging Barry Bonds.
    The Clams' amazing finish included a streak of 18 out of 19 matchups either won or tied to close out the regular season, as well as the league's only 10-0 shutout. Hamm points to Bonds as the pace-setter on offense and Schilling on the mound. "Bonds was just amazing from start to finish, even with all those days off. And I knew Curt would have a great first full season with the Diamondbacks." Hamm's comments were cut off by outfielder Pat "The Bat" Burrell grabbing him and giving him a noogie.
    Bonds, usually reticent with the media, said, "I guess this was the chance I needed to make my presence known in the post-season. The Giants may not be in the NL playoffs, but I hit seven home runs for the Clams in the finals. That's got to count for something, right?"
    Early league plans included contributions from the managers to purchase a trophy or award of some kind, but these plans fizzled out quickly. Hamm says that he has considered buying his own trophy. "Though you'd think one of these guys, Bonds or Sheffield, or Garciaparra, could afford to buy me one, you know? I mean, Nomar basically sat on his ass for the last month after I traded for him to get what, three homers and 10 RBI?" Shortstop Garciaparra, who spent most of the season on the DL, then proceeded to give his manager another noogie, raising speculation about how bad his wrist is really injured.
    Hamm plans to leave the fantasy baseball world on top. "I'm retiring," he announced to a largely disinterested locker room. "Participating in fantasy baseball was fun, but I don't like the way it affected by rooting interest. I want to be able to cheer for the Phillies to win, not for them to win while also giving up a home run to Vladimir Guererro."
    [Edited last by Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm on October 10, 2001 at 08:19 AM]
     
  2. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    My team, the Squalorville Guttersnipes, finished last... [​IMG]
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    He thought on homeland, the big timber, the air thin and chill all the year long. Tulip poplars so big through the trunk they put you in mind of locomotives set on end. He thought of getting home and building him a cabin on Cold Mountain so high that not a soul but the nighthawks passing across the clouds in autumn could hear his sad cry. Of living a life so quiet he would not need ears. And if Ada would go with him, there might be the hope, so far off in the distance he did not even really see it, that in time his despair might be honed off to a point so fine and thin that it would be nearly the same as vanishing.
    -- Charles Frazier, Cold Mountain
    [Edited last by SteveGon on October 10, 2001 at 09:01 AM]
     
  3. Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm

    Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm Supporting Actor

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    But that's why I share this story, the worst-to-first triumph, so you can see that it could happen to you!!
    (Actually I share this story because the various members of the HTF league mostly lost interest as the season went on and no one but me appeared to be even watching the playoffs.)
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    Andrew Hamm's new album Strange Education is available now!
     
  4. Philip Hamm

    Philip Hamm Lead Actor

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    Awesome! Congratulations! GO CLAMS!!!!
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    Philip Hamm
    AIM: PhilBiker
     
  5. Allen Hirsch

    Allen Hirsch Supporting Actor

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    Congrats, Andrew. Worst to first is so sweet.
    Hirsch's Heisters held 1st for 2 weeks in late Aug., after a horrible start that saw them in the basement for the 1st time in 11 seasons. Heisters ended up missing the title by 3 HR, 3 W, and 3 hits - and 1st place was "won" by a single SB. (Heisters finished 3rd, but was sooo close, if either team had faltered at all down the stretch.)
     
  6. Mark Pfeiffer

    Mark Pfeiffer Screenwriter

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    Your team was awfully good, although I came close to knocking you off in the play-offs. Having the most number of career years from players on your team goes a long way to winning in fantasy. Congrats.
     
  7. Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm

    Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm Supporting Actor

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    Oh, dude, it was pure luck. My best 2 players (Bonds and Gonzalez) were autodrafted. But I do have to take some credit for intuiting that Curt Schilling, Bret Boone, Jose Mesa, Jimmy Rollins, and Mike Cameron were going to have great years as well.
    As for the finals, they were awesome! There were something like 5 lead changes! It was thrilling.
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    Andrew Hamm's new album Strange Education is available now!
     

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